


Homeless

by blackchaps



Category: Law & Order: SVU, Oz (TV)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-13
Updated: 2017-05-13
Packaged: 2018-10-31 11:55:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 74,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10898853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackchaps/pseuds/blackchaps
Summary: A serial killer brings Toby and Elliot together.





	Homeless

Toby was familiar with the madness. It had been his friend since O‛Reily had so kindly introduced them. Of course, part of that was on Schillinger, but fuck him. Maybe ‛friend‛ wasn‛t the right word. Toby tilted his head to the side and tried to find the proper one. He knew it.

‟All right! Everybody out until seven tonight!‟

Toby shuffled to his feet, burrowed into his heavy coat, and went into the bitter cold of a New York winter morning. His hands were instantly frigid, and he dug out his gloves. He watched his breath form a cloud. Pretty.

Today, he thought, was Wednesday, and that meant that he could get a free meal down at the church. He was never hungry, but the warmth would be nice. The wind whipped around the corner, and he tucked his face into his coat. Ducking into an alley, he looked for a place to pass a few hours until lunch. Some place dry. Stone walls on both sides and he instantly flashed back. He tried to fight it, but the memory grabbed him, shook him, and didn‛t turn loose until it was finished. Insanity was a good word for it. Gasping for breath, he sank down behind a dumpster and balled his fists into his eyes. Please. No more today.

*********

‟Elliot, Liv, this one‛s for you,‟ Cragen said and handed him a piece of paper. ‟Make sure to wear your coats.‟

‟Sure, Dad,‟ Elliot said with a grin, but they did get their coats and their hats. It was damn cold, and it had been nice because it slowed the crime rate down dramatically. No one was willing to go out to dump the bodies.

‟You driving?‟ Olivia asked.

‟Don‛t I usually?‟ Elliot had the keys to the sedan. ‟Why? You feeling left out?‟

Olivia snorted. ‟You‛re not the best driver on snow and ice. Toss me the keys.‟

Elliot shrugged and tossed them. ‟No Christmas card for you.‟

*********

Toby didn‛t like the noise. The sirens made him remember, and the loud voices made him want to hide. So he did. The dumpster wasn‛t much, but no one had seen him yet. He‛d stay here. He covered his ears, bit his lip, and curled tighter. If he were lucky, none of this was real.

*********

Elliot looked up and down the dirty alley, but didn‛t hold out much hope. ‟Any witnesses?‟

The uniformed cops shook their heads. There was no one. It was too damn cold. Elliot crouched down over the victim again and committed the details to memory. Someone had been very angry.

‟We got fluids,‟ Warner said. ‟Sodomized and beaten before her throat was slit.‟

Elliot heard the sound clearly. Between the cops and the crowd, the scene was loud, but he‛d heard something. He took two steps and looked in the dumpster. Nothing.

‟Usually we let forensics do the dumpster diving,‟ Olivia said. ‟She was sodomized?‟

Elliot heard it again. He grabbed hold of the dumpster and rolled it away from the wall. ‟I believe we have a witness.‟

*********

Toby was crazy again. He had grown comfortable with it. No, that wasn‛t the right word. Damn, what had happened to his vocabulary? He didn‛t want to look at the cop with the voice that couldn‛t be true, but he did, and he blurted, ‟You‛re dead.‟

‟Not yet. Did you see anything?‟ The cop that couldn‛t exist squatted down next to him. ‟The girl. Did you see who killed her?‟

Toby could only stare. The voice and the face matched up. This couldn‛t be real. It was another memory. ‟You were never a cop.‟

‟Technically, I‛m a detective.‟ The memory smiled in a gentle way and put out his hand. ‟Why don‛t you come to my car and we can talk?‟

Toby didn‛t remember any cars either. He shut his eyes, opened them, and it was all still there. ‟But, you‛re dead.‟

‟Humor me.‟

Toby got to his feet under his own power, and he couldn‛t help but see the girl. He whimpered. ‟I hate men that fuck us up the ass.‟

‟He‛s drunk.‟

‟No, Liv. I don‛t think so.‟ The detective that was dead took Toby by the arm and led him out of the alley to an ugly car. Toby didn‛t want to get inside. He pulled his arm away and leaned against the hood. His false memory smiled and said, ‟You saw who did it, didn‛t you?‟

‟I‛m not sane.‟ Toby smiled back at him. He was still so beautiful, even in a stocking cap. ‟When I wake up, you‛ll be dead again.‟

‟We need to start a canvass?‟

‟Munch, would you help our friend here get down to the station? Some coffee and a warm room might help him remember.‟

Toby frowned. ‟You‛re talking about me?‟

‟Yes.‟

‟I don‛t think so. Bad things happen when I talk to cops. I only made an exception because this isn‛t real, and it‛s you.‟ Toby stuck his hands in his pockets. It was very cold today. ‟I‛m cold. That is real. You aren‛t.‟

‟Elliot, let him go. He‛s drunk or on drugs or something.‟

‟He‛s a witness, and we need one.‟

Toby started at the shoes and worked his way up. ‟Elliot? Not Chris? Elliot. Could this be real? No. There‛s no way it could be.‟ He shivered. ‟I‛m still in New York City, right?‟

‟Right.‟ Elliot - not Chris - opened the car door. ‟Can you do a dead man a favor?‟

‟Uh.‟ Toby didn‛t think it was a good idea. ‟Listen, I, um, don‛t understand this. Can I go now?‟

Elliot got very close. Toby stared harder. There were differences. He could see them now. The other cops said some stuff that he didn‛t catch, and he didn‛t resist when Elliot put him in the car. He should‛ve fought. They‛d fought before. Out of the depths of his mind, it roiled up and over him, and he clasped his head.

‟No! No! No!‟ Toby hated this one.

********

‟He‛s a nutball,‟ Munch said.

Elliot sighed. ‟Do the canvass. I‛ll take him back.‟

‟He‛ll probably piss in your car.‟ Fin frowned. ‟You sure he saw what happened?‟

‟He was right there. And every time someone said sodomize, he whimpered. He saw it. We just have to get it out of him.‟ Elliot watched the homeless man rock and cry out. Poor bastard. And this winter was a bad one. It was too damn cold to be living on the streets.

‟I‛ll meet you back at the house,‟ Olivia said. ‟I‛ll go with Warner.‟

‟Thanks.‟ Elliot knew this witness was his baby. No one else wanted to deal with it. He opened his phone and called Dr. Huang. That was the first step, and getting him to the house before he pissed himself was next. Even though, for a homeless guy, he didn‛t smell all that bad. The yelling had stopped by the time he got the car started. ‟You okay?‟

‟Sorry. It‛s my brain. I‛m a fucking nut.‟ The guy took off his gloves and grabbed himself by the hair. ‟You gonna stay alive this time?‟

‟I hope so.‟ Elliot pulled out and drove faster than usual. He used the light. ‟Hungry?‟

‟Nah.‟

Elliot figured it was drugs then. Addicts were never hungry. He was probably wasting his time, but any witness might point them in the right direction. ‟What‛s your name?‟

‟You know it.‟ The guy frowned. ‟You forgot me already? That‛s cold, man.‟

Elliot looked at him in the rearview mirror. He didn‛t know this guy from Adam. ‟I‛m dead, remember?‟

‟Oh, yeah.‟ The blond head ducked and his blue eyes narrowed. ‟I wonder where I‛ll be when I wake up from this.‟

‟Somewhere warm.‟ Elliot parked the car and got him out. ‟You have anyone we can call?‟

‟For what?‟ The guy was suspicious now. ‟They ain‛t got nothing to do with this! Just leave them the fuck alone!‟

Elliot used his most soothing voice. ‟I won‛t call them. I promise. Settle down. I need your help.‟

‟You always want something!‟

Elliot took him inside the squadroom, got him some coffee, and put him in an interview room. ‟Wait here. Okay?‟

‟This is a damn bad idea. You always fuck me over, and I expect it again. Thank God this is a delusion.‟

Elliot had a uniform step inside. He went out and took a deep breath. Cragen came up behind him.

‟That‛s our witness?‟

‟Yep.‟ Elliot rubbed his hands together. He had a feeling about this guy. It may take some work, but it‛d be worth it in the long run. ‟I need coffee.‟

‟You need your head examined.‟

‟I‛m here to help,‟ Huang said. Elliot chuckled at the timing.

********

Toby drank his coffee, and when he was warmer, took off his coat. He looked down at his clothes and fingered his sweatshirt. It was dirty, but it was so damn cold. He blew on his hands and took another sip. This did seem real, but it couldn‛t be. It couldn‛t be! He wished someone would punch him so he‛d know for sure. His brain betrayed him in that instant, and he shuddered, lowering his head. It rocked him, and he saw only the past. When it faded away, he got up from the corner and brushed off his pants. That had been a small one.

‟How long have you worked here, Father Mukada?‟ Toby asked and went back to his coffee. He was thirsty, and it was warm.

Father Mukada smiled. ‟My name is Dr. George Huang. I‛m here to help you.‟

Toby blinked. This was getting stranger and stranger. ‟Well, okay. There are days where everyone starts to look like someone from Oz. This must be one of those times.‟

‟Can you tell me your name?‟ Huang was calm, composed.

Toby wasn‛t going to do that. ‟If they find out I‛m here, there‛ll be trouble.‟

‟Who?‟

‟The Aryan fucks.‟ Toby hated to even say the words, but his brain left him alone for a change. ‟Is this reality? Can you tell me?‟

‟I promise you, this is real.‟ Huang nodded. ‟Are you on any medications?‟

Toby shook his head and finished his coffee. ‟I don‛t do drugs, and I‛m not on any medications. I‛m insane. There‛s nothing they can do. It‛s okay. Don‛t frown. I‛m good with it.‟

Huang got up slowly. ‟More coffee?‟

‟Please.‟ Toby nudged the cup over. ‟I like cream and sugar, but I‛m grateful for what I get.‟

‟I can see that.‟ Huang left, and some other guy, who didn‛t talk, came in the room. Toby tilted his head at the glass. This wasn‛t a dream. He was at a police station. It was warm, and he had coffee. It just didn‛t seem possible.

********

Elliot sighed in disgust. This had been a mistake. ‟He‛s crazy.‟

‟He thinks he‛s insane, but I doubt it. We do know that he was in Oswald. You could run his particulars and find a name. It might help.‟ Huang looked through the glass. ‟If he saw what happened, he‛ll tell you, but only if you gain his trust.‟

‟Me? He thinks I‛m dead!‟ Elliot didn‛t think that was likely.

Huang nodded. ‟And therefore, you‛re harmless. He sees me as a threat. Give him a little more time to settle down, and then try again.‟

Elliot nodded. ‟I‛ll find his sheet. Are you going to watch him?‟

‟He‛s fascinating.‟

Elliot took that as a yes. He went quickly to his computer and started punching in what little data he had. Blond hair, blue eyes, height, and the fact that he was out: it wasn‛t much, but the database spit out six possiblities over the last year. He clicked through them all.

‟Hello, Tobias Beecher.‟

********

Toby wasn‛t sure he liked the guy in the room with him. ‟You a Nazi?‟

‟I‛m a cop.‟

‟That‛s no fucking answer.‟ Toby got as far away as possible. He always carried a shank, and he made sure it was easy to get at without taking his eyes off him. At least he was warm. Time did that thing it always used to do at Oz, and he blinked in surprise when Not Chris came through the door with a cup of coffee. Toby cautiously approached the table. ‟You‛re Elliot?‟

‟Detective Elliot Stabler.‟ Elliot smiled. ‟Cream and sugar?‟

Toby sat down across from him. ‟Thank you. I can‛t believe this.‟

‟Believe it, Mr. Beecher.‟

Toby got to his feet fast and went backwards until his shoulders hit bricks. Bricks. Walls. ‟No!‟

‟It‛s okay.‟ Elliot held up his hand and didn‛t stand. ‟I‛m not going to hurt you.‟

‟You always say that!‟ Toby put his hand on his shank. ‟You were supposed to stay dead!‟

‟I know.‟ Elliot? Chris? The fucker slid the chair back and came around the table. ‟Settle down. Please.‟

Toby nearly shanked him. That jarring of metal against bone was something he knew very well, and Oz threatened to drag him down again. He brushed his hair back and bit his lower lip. Pain. It hurt. This wasn‛t a lie. Slowly, he pulled out the shank. He couldn‛t take a chance on accidentally hurting Chris again.

‟Take this or I might hurt you. I won‛t want to, but I get confused.‟

‟Thank you.‟ Elliot took it calmly and went back to sit down. ‟Can we talk?‟

‟You remembered my name.‟ Toby didn‛t see how this was possible. He crept back to the table and his coffee. ‟Thank you for the coffee.‟

‟You‛re welcome.‟ Elliot glanced behind him. ‟Do you want me to get Dr. Huang?‟

‟The priest? No. I like him, but I‛m not Catholic like you are.‟ Toby took a drink. It was very good. His heart was still racing, but he could sit and talk. ‟Usually, you want something from me. What is it this time?‟

‟Can you tell me what happened in the alley, Tobias? I know you saw it.‟

Toby looked deep in those blue eyes. Something was wrong here. Something was . . . not right. Even his fucked up brain knew it. ‟Did you tell anyone that I was here? Post it on the internet?‟

‟No one knows you‛re here. I didn‛t tell anyone.‟

‟Liar.‟ Toby laughed, but he was scared. ‟You‛re still damn good at it. All those cops know and whoever is behind that glass. They‛ll come after me now. Just a matter of time. Damn. I‛ll have to relocate and with my brain, that won‛t be easy. Shit!‟

‟Who‛s after you?‟ Elliot frowned.

‟The Aryans, of course.‟ Toby rubbed his eyes. He was warm now and a little tired. There was something that this cop wanted from him. He would remember it, and he concentrated. ‟Wait, the girl. She‛s dead.‟

‟Yes.‟ Elliot seemed to move closer. ‟Can you help me?‟

Toby heard the world crack. He looked up at the ceiling to see if it was falling down. This wasn‛t Chris. Somehow. It didn‛t make any sense, and his brain hurt. ‟You‛re not him. You never were.‟

‟I didn‛t lie to you.‟

‟Not much.‟ Toby took a big drink and let it all run around in his mind again. If Chris was still dead, then Elliot wasn‛t him. Wait. ‟I read about dopplegangers once. Never thought I‛d see one. Are you sure I‛m not crazy right now?‟

‟You seem fine.‟

‟Another lie.‟ Toby wasn‛t going to count them, but that was two. ‟The girl was ass raped. I could tell from the noise. It hurts. Oh fuck, it does.‟

‟I‛m sorry.‟

Toby shrugged that off. ‟You‛re sorry for her. Not me. No, don‛t lie.‟ He drank some more coffee and wasn‛t sure what he should do. There was his family to think about, and they came before a dead girl or himself. ‟I can‛t help you. If they find me, they might find my family, and I can‛t risk that.‟

Elliot rubbed his hand down his face in one smooth movement. Chris had never done that. ‟I‛ll make sure they don‛t find you. I‛ll hide you.‟

‟I was hidden until you found me!‟ Toby shook his head. It was too dangerous. He crossed his arms and refused to look at him.

‟Beecher, trust me.‟

Toby saw it coming. It was going to be a bad one. ‟Get out. My brain . . . ‟ He clasped his head and howled as it yanked him down and then threw him up.

*********

Elliot went as far as the door. He had the knife with him, but Beecher was still dangerous. Huang came inside. ‟Don‛t touch him.‟

‟No shit.‟ Elliot showed off the knife. It was big and sharp, and he‛d been very close to getting sliced with it. ‟Good thing he‛s not, say, homicidal.‟

‟He does trust you or he‛d have killed you.‟ Huang frowned. ‟I went through his file. Let me sedate him. When he wakes up, he may be more cooperative.‟

‟I need it now.‟

‟You can wait a few hours. You should look at his file also. His fears about the Aryans aren‛t delusions.‟

Elliot had a hard time with that, but he wasn‛t going to get anything out of Beecher as long as he was sobbing in the corner. ‟I‛ll help.‟

‟Good.‟ Huang went out and came back with his bag. ‟It‛s a mild tranquilizer. We‛ll get him up to the crib and let him sleep.‟

Elliot nodded and made sure the knife stayed outside the room. Beecher was strong, and he didn‛t want a shot, and Elliot crooned to him, ‟It‛s okay. I promise. It‛s okay.‟

‟I love your lies.‟ Beecher seemed to collapse in on himself, but Elliot didn‛t turn him loose until Huang gave him the sign.

‟Upstairs.‟ Huang would‛ve gotten Beecher‛s other side, but Elliot waved him away. Beecher wasn‛t heavy, and he was able to stumble along. Elliot got him settled in the crib.

‟Oz. I never seem to leave it,‟ Beecher said. ‟You got my back?‟

‟I got it. No one is gonna touch you.‟ Elliot pushed Beecher‛s hair out of his eyes. ‟Rest.‟

Beecher was asleep not long after that. Elliot sighed. He still had a case to solve, and his witness was out cold.

‟If you convince him that his family will be safe, he‛ll help you. I‛m sure of it.‟

Elliot hoped so. ‟I just need the information. He‛ll never have to testify.‟

Huang sat down. ‟I‛ll stay with him. He‛s my patient now, and don‛t forget it.‟

‟I won‛t.‟ Elliot wasn‛t going to make that mistake again. He went back to get Beecher‛s file and flip through it while he was catching up.

‟Where‛s your basket case?‟

Olivia‛s question pulled Elliot‛s attention to her. ‟Asleep in the crib. Huang is with him. He saw it. He knows who did it.‟

‟That‛s good because Warner isn‛t enthusiastic about any evidence. Our guy poured bleach all over her.‟

‟Shit.‟ Elliot wished people would watch less television, and he couldn‛t believe the things he was reading in this file. ‟This guy should be insane. If anyone has earned it, it‛s him.‟

Olivia went past him to get some coffee. It was Munch that asked the question. ‟Why?‟

‟He was in Oz and tortured by the Aryans. They killed his son and father, and he thinks they‛re still after him.‟

‟Are they?‟ Munch looked interested.

‟How can I know? They killed his family. He killed some of them. He‛s living on the streets.‟ Elliot had a hard time blaming Beecher for doing it.

Munch reached for the file, and Elliot handed it over. ‟I‛ll find out.‟

Elliot groaned softly. Munch loved a good conspiracy, but it wasn‛t a bad thing this time. Elliot had to convince Beecher that it was safe. Maybe Munch could help. Cragen came out for a rundown, and Elliot put his head in the case. He‛d deal with Beecher later.

********

Toby knew exactly where he was, and there was a bizarre comfort in it. ‟Is it count yet?‟

‟No.‟ Mukada seemed different somehow. Taller? Shorter? Something. ‟How do you feel?‟

‟Groggy.‟ Toby got up slow and put his feet on the floor. ‟I never wanted to come back here.‟

‟You‛re at the police station. I‛m sorry this looks like a prison cell, but it‛s not.‟

Toby‛s intellect clicked over. There wasn‛t much left, but it was all he had. ‟All that shit was real?‟

‟You‛re very concerned about reality, aren‛t you?‟ Huang. His name was Huang.

‟It comes and goes. I worry . . . I worry that I‛ll hurt someone and I won‛t know that I did it.‟ Toby put his face in his hands and scrubbed. ‟Chris is still dead.‟

‟Yes.‟ Huang reached and put his fingers on the inside of Toby‛s wrist. ‟You‛re not insane.‟

‟Right.‟ Toby waited for a delusion to set in, but it didn‛t, and he breathed again. ‟Why am I here?‟

‟You witnessed a murder. The police need your help.‟ Huang smiled and took his hand away. ‟Is your head clearer?‟

‟What did you give me?‟ Toby glared. He hated being medicated. ‟Diazepam? Xanax? Prozac?‟

‟Something different. I‛m sorry, but you were unable to authorize it. I wanted to help.‟

‟I‛m an alcoholic. No Xanax!‟ Toby couldn‛t believe the gall of this so-called doctor. ‟What the fuck was it?‟

Huang sighed softly. ‟It was a tranquilizer - Ativan.‟

‟And if I‛m allergic? You fucker! I hate doctors!‟ Toby got to his feet. This was beyond what he would accept. ‟I‛m leaving. No, you may not experiment on my brain!‟

The door opened, and Chris was there. No, it was Elliot. Toby looked again to make absolutely sure. It was Elliot, and he said, ‟Let‛s take a deep breath. I ain‛t fond of doctors either, but Huang was trying to help.‟

‟Brain chemistry isn‛t something you do by trial and error. He should have drawn blood and run a few damn tests!‟ Toby wasn‛t going to get over this. ‟It‛s a complete violation of my privacy. I ought to sue your ass!‟

‟But then the Aryans would find you,‟ Elliot said softly. ‟Right?‟

Toby stopped dead. He put a hand to his head and tried to shove it away. It was right there on the edge of his consciousness. ‟You‛re right. I can‛t risk it. I‛m fucking insane, but not that crazy.‟

Elliot pointed out the door. ‟Coffee? Food?‟

‟I gotta piss.‟ Toby wanted to slap Huang across the mouth. ‟Come near me again and I‛ll twist your head around backwards.‟

Elliot grabbed him by the shoulder and pulled. Toby went with him because it was him. Hurting him wasn‛t an option. Chris would get mad about it. Elliot took him to a locker room. ‟Shower? I have some clean clothes you could change into.‟

Toby pissed before coming out to answer. ‟Showers are not safe places.‟

‟This one is. I‛ll keep Huang away. Go clean up. You‛ll feel better.‟ Elliot smiled in that way of his that was so much like Chris. Toby capitulated and smiled, but only because he‛d found the right word. He slowly took off his shirt, hesitating on where to put it.

Elliot sat down on a bench. ‟I put your coat in that one.‟ He pointed.

Toby went over, opened it up, and put his shirt there also. He was very relieved to see his coat, but he made sure not to show it. ‟Stupid doctor. I can‛t wait for the drooling to start!‟

Elliot shrugged, and Toby stripped before he could change his mind again. The water would feel good, and he was safe here. There was soap, and he made sure to get completely clean. When he shut the water off, Elliot tossed him a towel.

‟You can stare, if you want.‟ Toby saw the nervous eyes. ‟I don‛t care.‟

Elliot seemed to relax. ‟Sorry about that.‟

‟I‛m fucked up on both ends.‟ Toby dried off and wrapped the towel around his hips. ‟You‛re still not him.‟

‟Nope.‟ Elliot shook his head and went to a locker. He got out a sweatshirt and some sweat pants. ‟These okay?‟

‟Yeah.‟ Toby took them, but carefully, in case Elliot changed his mind. ‟I need some new clothes again.‟

Elliot frowned. ‟What do you mean?‟

‟When I get them filthy, I buy new ones.‟ Toby shrugged. He knew it wasn‛t normal. ‟I can‛t stand naked in front of the dryer at the laundrymat.‟

‟Good point.‟ Elliot shut his locker. ‟You have money?‟

‟Yes.‟ Toby didn‛t want to discuss it. He wasn‛t poor, just homeless by choice. It was safer that way. ‟I had an apartment at first, but they threw me out.‟

Elliot frowned. ‟For what?‟

‟My fits are noisy. It was too dangerous anyway. They haven‛t quit looking for me.‟ Toby hung up the towel and shut the locker he‛d been given. ‟I can‛t stay here. I have to go.‟

‟Can we talk first?‟ Elliot spread his hands. ‟Please?‟

Toby hated this. He felt obliged to help this detective that wasn‛t Chris and never had been. ‟I can think again. The words are coming easier.‟

‟Maybe the tranquilizer helped. Huang is one of the best.‟ Elliot chuckled softly. ‟Don‛t tell him I said that.‟

‟I won‛t - the little prick bastard.‟ Toby was still pissed, but he was glad that his brain didn‛t seem to be looping out of control. ‟Okay, we can talk, and I‛ll explain it in little words so you understand.‟

Elliot took him down a hallway, bought him a soda, and they were in a room full of desks and cops. Toby didn‛t open his can. He wanted to hide. ‟These places are usually a bad idea for my kind.‟

Elliot pointed at the chair by his desk and sat down. ‟Your kind?‟

Toby sat down, feeling as if he should watch his back and putting the can on the desk. ‟Ex-cons. People hate us. They‛re all smiles until they find out and then, they frown. Next, they find a reason to make you disappear.‟

‟We‛re a bunch of cops. We aren‛t going to bother you.‟ Elliot opened the can for him and pushed it close. ‟Let‛s talk about what happened in the alley.‟

‟No.‟ Toby took a sip. ‟But I like you. You‛re stupid, but nice.‟ He heard laughter, and he looked around at the other cops. ‟Sorry.‟

‟That‛s the nicest insult I‛ve heard this week.‟ Elliot waved a guy over. ‟This is Detective Munch.‟

Toby didn‛t smile. ‟Yes, I‛m an ex-con. No, I won‛t eat your children.‟

‟Interesting.‟ Munch sat on the far edge of the desk. ‟Elliot, I researched the problem with my customary efficiency. Mr. Beecher‛s picture has been posted on several Aryan websites. They want him dead, and there‛s a reward for any information on him or his family.‟

Toby shut his eyes. It hurt to hear it, but it was true. ‟Cops are Aryans. You put my name on one report and they‛ll be waiting outside when you cut me loose. I have to disappear again. Now. Before it‛s too late.‟

Elliot got to his feet. ‟Munch, let‛s talk privately.‟

‟Go ahead, but you aren‛t changing my mind. What‛s left of it is dedicated to protecting my remaining children.‟ Toby smiled. He‛d found the words again. His brain wasn‛t completely fried. He drank some soda and glared when he saw Huang coming towards him.

‟You won‛t hurt me,‟ Huang said as he took Elliot‛s chair. ‟Again. I apologize. I overstepped my bounds.‟

‟You sure as fuck did.‟ Toby crossed his arms. He wanted to hurt him, but he wouldn‛t. ‟Just because I‛m homeless doesn‛t mean I‛m a damn toy.‟

‟I never thought that. Your flashbacks are perhaps the worst I‛ve ever seen.‟ Huang leaned forward. ‟Let me help you.‟

Toby could only stare. He didn‛t get doctors. ‟I‛ve been this route. I have post-traumatic stress disorder and a drug disorder and a host of other disorders. The drugs don‛t make it better. They only made me drool, dizzy, sleepy, and have bowel problems that I wouldn‛t wish on a Nazi. Well, that‛s a lie.‟

‟Your mind is clearer, isn‛t it?‟ Huang seemed to be hanging on every word.

Toby pushed his palms into his eyes. He was thinking more clearly, and he knew he had to get the hell out of here. ‟Why am I staying here? I‛m not under arrest. I‛m so damn stupid.‟

Huang shook his head. ‟You were a lawyer. You know right from wrong. Help us.‟

‟No,‟ Toby whispered. He was wavering, and that was bad.

‟You‛ll never be called to testify. They only want what you can give them and then they‛ll use other means to obtain a conviction.‟ Huang smiled slightly. ‟Please.‟

Toby ran his hands up and pulled his still-wet hair. It was longer than it had ever been. Spotting a rubber band on the desk, he made his hair into a ponytail. Very dimly, he heard Vern laughing, but he didn‛t care. It was out of his face. He looked up. Huang was still there.

‟Please.‟

‟No paperwork. I want assurances that there will be no reports filed.‟ Toby sighed softly. He was a damn fool, but he needed to vanish and cooperating would get him out the door faster.

Elliot was suddenly there again. ‟No reports. Just tell us what you know and walk out.‟

Toby looked around the big squad room. He spotted two guys that had potential to be Aryans. ‟I need a note pad.‟

Elliot dug one out and gave it to him with a pen. Toby took it and headed for the locker room. It would be safer there. He didn‛t ask permission, and he knew Elliot would follow him. Sitting down on a bench, Toby shut his eyes, pictured it all again, and wrote it out while the images were right there. He knew his hand was shaking, and he nearly cried for her again, but he kept it together until he was finished. Throwing the note pad to the floor, he hugged himself tightly and let Oz take him.

*********

Elliot picked up the pad. His words of thanks died away as Beecher slid to the floor and crawled under the bench. He hated seeing it. This man was so much more than Oz had forced him to become.

‟Doc, can‛t you help him?‟

Huang moved closer and watched carefully. ‟The tranquilizer did help, but there must be some traumatic event that he refuses to acknowledge. A good part of the treatment for PTSD is talk therapy.‟

Elliot was half-listening because he was reading. ‟He saw everything.‟

‟He relived the event and it forced an attack on him.‟

‟I have to take care of this.‟ Elliot was torn between leaving him and doing his job. He had pushed until he got what he wanted, but he had further damaged Beecher in doing it. ‟Take this to the captain. Give me a minute with him.‟

Huang looked skeptical. ‟Don‛t touch him.‟

‟Please. Take this.‟ Elliot held out the pad. He didn‛t move until Huang was gone, and then he dropped to his knees and pulled Beecher out. It was the right thing to do. ‟Come on. You‛re safe. I got you. Don‛t quit on me.‟

Beecher clutched at him. ‟Chris?‟

‟No.‟ Elliot held him tighter, putting his back to the wall. Beecher burrowed into him, and they sat together. He didn‛t understand it, but he wanted to help. ‟You did good, Toby. I can catch him now. You did good.‟

Beecher made a soft sound in his throat. ‟Not Chris. Chris is dead? You‛re not him. Christ, why is my brain so fucked up?‟

‟Dunno.‟ Elliot thought that being able to ask the question meant that Beecher wasn‛t all that bad. Beecher groaned and wrapped his hands into Elliot‛s shirt. Elliot didn‛t turn him loose. Their bodies jumbled together, and he knew they should get up. Huang would be back soon. Elliot pushed Beecher away another inch or two. ‟You can make it. You can.‟

‟They‛re safe. That‛s what matters. Not me.‟ Beecher suddenly darted, and their lips met. Stunned amazement jolted through Elliot, but he couldn‛t hurt him.

‟Elliot! What the hell are you doing?‟ Huang pulled Beecher off him. Elliot was on his feet quickly. He brushed off, but Beecher was still touching him.

‟I have to go,‟ Beecher mumbled. His blue eyes were murky. ‟It‛s not safe here.‟

Elliot stepped so he was all Beecher could see. ‟It‛s cold. Where will you go?‟

‟No place is safe. I‛ll find an alley.‟ Beecher reached up, and Elliot had plenty of time to move away, but he didn‛t. A gentle hand traced around Elliot‛s face. ‟I‛m glad you‛re not completely dead.‟

‟Me too.‟ Elliot wanted to offer him something. ‟You have a hat?‟

‟Lost it.‟ Beecher broke away and went to the locker. He put on the pants over the sweats, and layered the shirts. That was smart. Elliot dug his hat out of his coat and gave it to him.

‟Take my business card,‟ Huang said, but Elliot didn‛t think Beecher even heard him. Beecher was ready to go.

Elliot walked him out of the precinct, back into the cold. ‟Thanks. I mean it. I owe you one.‟

Beecher‛s eyes seemed far away. ‟If someone asks for me, I need you to lie.‟

‟I will. My word.‟ Elliot didn‛t like this at all, but he had no way of holding him. Beecher looked back once and was gone into the cold night. Elliot bit his lip. He felt as if he‛d screwed up, and he didn‛t know why. Huang was waiting for him in the squad room, and he didn‛t want to hear it.

‟We need to talk,‟ Huang said forcefully.

‟No. I‛m going to work the case.‟ Elliot put his hands on his hips. He looked around, spotted Olivia, and went to find out where they were going. Huang frowned, but said nothing else. Elliot was not discussing this further. That was the end of it.

*********

Toby didn‛t go far. He wasn‛t sure why not, but he didn‛t. Leaning against a building, he forced his mind to focus on the kiss. He was a greedy bastard, and he‛d taken it. It had tasted good. Elliot wasn‛t Chris, but it had still been a great kiss.

‟Hey, fucker, got any money?‟

Toby‛s hand flashed to his knife. It wasn‛t there. Fuck. ‟Go fuck yourself.‟

The guy glared but left him alone, and Toby groaned. He didn‛t have his shank, and it was too late to buy another one. Elliot had it. Toby wrote it off. He‛d get by without it. It wasn‛t as if he‛d ever used it. It just made him feel safe. He shivered. The sun was down, and he knew it was too cold to be outside. He had no idea when the tranquilizer would wear off, and for the first time in a long time, he didn‛t know what to do.

Looking up at the street sign, he tugged Elliot‛s hat a little lower. It was warm. ‟Where am I?‟

No one answered. He frowned. This part of the city was unfamiliar to him. He sighed and watched the air blow away.

‟You okay?‟

Toby turned around. He knew he should mumble something and wander off, but he told the truth. ‟I helped the police, and now, I‛m not sure where I am.‟

‟Oy. They just shoved you out the door.‟ The man seemed friendly. ‟I own the deli you‛re standing in front of. Did you eat today?‟

Toby didn‛t think so, but it wasn‛t important. ‟They had coffee. I‛ll move on. Maybe, that way to the closest shelter?‟

‟It‛s too cold, and the shelters are full by now.‟ The guy stuck out his hand. ‟Davey Gruenberg.‟

‟Elliot Stabler,‟ Toby lied instantly. Trust wasn‛t an option, but he shook the man‛s hand. ‟I have money.‟

Davey smiled. ‟Lucky you.‟ He went back to the door, and Toby followed him inside. This was a bad idea, but the shelters would be full. People had been lining up early for the spots. It was cold enough to kill. Davey flipped the sign and threw the locks.

Toby wished for his knife. He was taking a chance, but maybe he could sleep on the floor. ‟I‛m not sure about this.‟

‟It‛s hard to trust.‟ Davey went back behind the counter. ‟What‛ll it be? Turkey? Salami? It‛s kosher.‟

Toby pulled his hat off and tucked it away. The question that was always on his mind popped out, ‟You a Nazi?‟

‟Jewish.‟ Davey frowned. His hands were busy making a sandwich. Toby watched him. He was short, dark hair, and glasses with a face that suggested smiles. Not really handsome, but far from ugly. Toby stepped closer, cautiously. Davey grinned. ‟Relax. I‛m not a weirdo.‟

‟That makes one of us.‟ Toby laughed but he felt only bitterness. ‟Before you smile again, I‛m an ex-con. I‛m homeless, and I‛m not completely sane.‟

‟An honest man.‟ Davey handed him a sandwich in a red plastic basket with chips. ‟Go sit and eat. I need to clean up.‟

Toby looked at the food. He had money, but he was being given more than a sandwich. ‟Let me help.‟

‟Eat first. I‛ll save the floor for you.‟ Davey nodded. Toby took the food to a table and his stomach insisted that he eat every bite. He was careful not to make a mess, and he pushed off his coat when he warmed up. Davey was humming, cleaning, and Toby relaxed slightly. There were some good people left in the world. They were hard to find, but maybe today was his lucky day.

Davey came out with a soda and put it down in front of him. ‟Better?‟

‟Yes. Thank you.‟ Toby wiped his mouth. He wanted to understand a few things. ‟Why are you nice? Aren‛t you aware of the backlash against homeless people that‛s going on across the nation? People want us out of sight and out of mind.‟

‟People are stupid. The Jews were homeless until Israel came back to us. It didn‛t mean that we would give up though.‟ Davey checked the napkins at the table and straightened the condiments. ‟Most of the homeless avoid this block. The police station puts a damper on things.‟

Toby believed that. ‟I‛ll leave after I mop the floor.‟

‟What‛s your rush? Want to die?‟ Davey got to his feet and took Toby‛s basket. ‟I‛ll show you where the mop is.‟

Toby tried not to smile. He was probably fucking up again, but it was better than freezing to death. Pretty soon, he‛d have an attack, and he‛d wake up somewhere else. It was his life. Right now, he‛d mop the floor.

*********

‟Counselor, you can‛t be serious!‟

Novak glared, and Elliot made sure not to sigh. She pointed. ‟We have a witness!‟

Elliot pulled her aside. ‟Not really. He left.‟

‟What?‟ Novak was pissed at him now. ‟You have his address and phone number, right?‟

‟He was a homeless guy. We let him walk.‟ Elliot had kept praying they‛d get a confession, find some evidence, something solid, but it hadn‛t happened.

The lawyer for the defense laughed. ‟You‛re not holding my client on nothing more than the drunken ramblings of a homeless man!‟

Elliot hated lawyers on a good day, and today wasn‛t one by any stretch. ‟We know he did it.‟

Novak drew herself up taller. ‟Your client is free to go, but we‛ll be questioning him again.‟

Elliot chewed his lower lip as they walked out. ‟I was hoping for a confession. He lawyered up instantly.‟

‟Elliot, you have nothing. Find me some evidence.‟ Novak frowned. ‟Or find me your witness and let me evaluate him.‟

‟Get with Huang on that.‟ Elliot sat down and flipped through his notebook. There had to be something. He was still sitting there when Munch came through the door.

‟Nothing, huh?‟

‟Nope. We‛re screwed.‟ Elliot leaned back. ‟What‛s up with you?‟

Munch shrugged. ‟You worried about Beecher?‟

‟I‛m sure he‛s in California by now.‟ Elliot was worried, but he was going to keep it to himself. ‟Why?‟

‟The Aryans aren‛t fooling around with him. The reward went up.‟ Munch leaned against the table and crossed his arms. ‟If they have a cop on their payroll . . .‟

‟They could track his credit cards and bank transactions,‟ Elliot finished for him. ‟Beecher knows that. It‛s why he‛s hunkered down in the city.‟

‟I bet he‛s freezing his ass off.‟ Munch wandered out. Elliot put his head in his hands. He had made a mistake letting him go. That was obvious.

‟Elliot, we need our witness for a lineup,‟ Cragen said from the doorway. ‟Novak is tearing me a new one.‟

Elliot got to his feet. ‟Not a good day.‟

********

‟Get that smoked turkey from the freezer, please?‟

Toby nodded and went to get it. He found the one Davey wanted and took it up front. The customers hadn‛t done more than glance at him, and his initial urge to slink under the counter was gone. ‟I‛ll clean the tables.‟

‟Thanks, shiksa.‟ Davey grinned.

Toby wasn‛t sure about his nickname, but it was better than prag. He found the tray that Davey used to bus the tables and went to work. No one spoke to him, and he kept busy, surprised when he looked and the sun was down. Davey laughed and turned the sign to closed. Toby smiled at him.

‟A good day. You were a big help.‟ Davey popped open the cash register. ‟You want your wages in cash?‟

Toby tilted his head to the side. He was surprised at the offer, and he didn‛t think it was fair. ‟You gave me a cot in the back and food to eat. All I did was clear a few tables and wash a few baskets.‟

Davey held out some money. ‟I pay my help.‟

Toby frowned. Something was pushing at his mind. He rubbed his head, knowing what was coming and hating it. ‟Davey, I . . . ‟

‟What‛s wrong, shiksa?‟ Davey came closer. Toby squatted down and tried to shove it all away. He caught sight of Davey‛s boots. Boots. It squeezed him tight, and he felt the linoleum under his hands.

‟Fuck!‟ Toby didn‛t have the strength to fight it, and he saw only Schillinger. Panting, he slammed his back into the wall. ‟No!‟

********

Elliot took off his jacket and crashed on the cot. The odd thought that he was as homeless as Beecher skipped through his brain, and he shut his eyes. He‛d checked the morgue. Three more homeless people had frozen to death, and he was ashamed at how grateful he was that none of them was Tobias Beecher. The city should be ashamed also, but he didn‛t think anyone gave a damn. Novak was breathing down Elliot‛s neck to produce his witness. The homeless shelters hadn‛t seen him, and Elliot refused to put out an APB - for now.

Munch was trying to located Beecher‛s family. Elliot rolled to his side and rubbed his lips. Beecher had kissed him. It had been a surprise, and he hadn‛t liked it, but there was something between them that wasn‛t easily explained away.

‟Chris is dead?‟

Elliot frowned. Chris might hold the key to all of this. Beecher had talked about him more than anything. Was Chris dead? Had Toby gone to meet him? Elliot sighed and got up. He left his coat, rolled up his sleeves, and went to find out. Beecher was somewhere in the city, and Elliot had to find him.

*********

Toby got shakily to his feet. He knew what would happen now. His employment here had just been terminated. It was back into the cold for him, and he‛d go without complaining. It was his own fault he was so fucked up. Leaning against the wall, he shook all over.

‟I‛m really sorry. I - I - I‛ll get my coat and leave.‟

Davey‛s eyes were wide, and he was close but not touching. ‟You okay now?‟

Toby pointed at his head and forced himself upright. He‛d try to get out of here with a tiny bit of dignity. ‟It doesn‛t work right. At least you got a day out of me.‟ He had to apologize again. ‟I‛m sorry.‟

‟Iraq?‟

‟Prison.‟ Toby stuffed his shaking hands in his pockets. He didn‛t quite understand. Where was the anger? And why wasn‛t Davey throwing him out? ‟The cops gave me a tranquilizer. It‛s worn off. Now I‛ll start having attacks.‟

‟Go rest. I‛ll finish up here.‟ Davey waved his hand at the back room.

Toby shook his head. The best thing was for him to leave. He wasn‛t able to do anything to help now the attacks were back. ‟I‛m okay now. I‛ll leave. Thanks for all you did. You‛re a good guy.‟

‟Shiksa, why are you rushing off into the cold?‟ Davey frowned. ‟I find it hard to believe that living in an alley is good for whatever is wrong with you. Take a minute, and then mop the floor.‟

‟Well, okay.‟ Toby blushed. He felt like an idiot. When his head cleared, he started helping again, and he tried to do a better job this time. That had been a mild one, and he was only a little tired. ‟If that happens during business hours . . .‟

‟Try to get to the back room. You seem to know when they‛re coming on.‟ Davey put a gentle hand on Toby‛s shoulder. ‟This, I can handle. The beard?‟

Toby laughed and brushed his hand along his jaw. Relief eased through him as he realized that he wasn‛t going back out to live by a dumpster. ‟I guess I could buy a shaver.‟

‟I‛ll give you one.‟ Davey squeezed. ‟Try not to think so much. Eat. Rest. Work. Maybe your brain needs a vacation from all the words.‟

Toby could scarcely believe his good fortune, and he smiled. ‟Thanks.‟

*********

Elliot sat back and chewed his straw. He now knew as much as he wanted to about one Christopher Keller. Now, that was one guy who belonged in prison. And Toby had loved him. Elliot wouldn‛t claim to understand it, but a place like Oz made men do things that they wouldn‛t in the light of day. It was no wonder that Toby had PTSD.

Olivia slapped her hands down. ‟We got nothing!‟

‟Except Beecher,‟ Munch said. Fin shrugged. Elliot had nothing to add. They had five open cases, but this one was pissing them off.

‟Did you find his family?‟ Elliot asked quietly.

‟They have the money to hide anywhere. I‛m sure they have lawyers here aiding them, but that‛s impossible to track.‟ Munch sighed. ‟Beecher has been out four months. Two more web sites put up his picture today as an enemy to the nation. Wherever he is, he better stay there.‟

‟I say we put out an APB on him,‟ Olivia said.

‟It might get him killed,‟ Fin put in his two cents. ‟Elliot is our best hope. Put him out there and hope Beecher finds him.‟

Elliot rubbed his eyes. ‟A magnet for the homeless - my dream job.‟

Cragen came out of his office. Elliot didn‛t comment on much. He was tired and worried and more tired. When it had all been hashed and re-hashed, Cragen said, ‟Cold case it. There‛s nothing we can do, and I‛m open to the possibility that Beecher was hallucinating.‟

Everyone grumbled but Elliot. He got to his feet. ‟I need a break.‟

‟You look like shit. Go home. Sleep. I‛m sure Munch can pick up the slack.‟

Elliot grinned like he was supposed to and went to get his coat. He went out into the bitter cold and stood quietly instead of getting in his car. Beecher had gone to the left. Elliot walked that way. He knew there were no churches, no shelters, and no free lunches around here. Had Beecher known that? Elliot checked out a few alleys. Nothing and no one. The realization that perhaps Beecher - fresh out of prison - hadn‛t had a clue where to go crept over him.

‟Shit,‟ Elliot whispered. He stopped at the corner. Davey‛s Deli was right behind him. It‛d just closed for the night. They hadn‛t ordered from there lately - maybe tomorrow. He sighed and gave up. Beecher was gone. He could be dead. Elliot didn‛t like to think it, but it was likely. The wind came pouring around the corner and drove him to his car four blocks away. He rubbed his hands briskly together and went towards his apartment.

********

Toby learned the business from the floor up. He wasn‛t sure it was interesting, but it was better than sitting on a park bench, crying and shivering. Making his brain think about salami, turkey, and swiss had reduced his attacks, but it was nothing to celebrate. He was still crazy and most of the customers seemed to sense it. At least he was able to help Davey.

‟You sure about me working here, Davey? Half the customers think I‛m nuts!‟

‟It‛s not that!‟ Davey laughed. ‟It‛s the long hair. They‛re not sure if you‛re a hippie or a weirdo!‟

‟Great.‟ Toby rolled his eyes. He‛d shaved his beard, but he had refused to get a haircut. The computer in the corner shifted to screensaver and caught Toby‛s attention. After mopping, when Davey had gone in the back, Toby sat down and typed in the address that he‛d memorized. He clicked once more and sighed. The picture they had of him was his mug shot, altered to take out the number. The long hair was staying, and he should probably grow a moustache - a big one. He heard Davey coming and clicked the home page.

‟Turn that off, if you can.‟ Davey leaned against the case.

Toby nodded. He did and then made sure he was finished. ‟Anything else?‟

Davey shook his head. ‟Don‛t suppose you‛d take your wages?‟

‟No. I barely manage to help.‟ Toby snorted. He had no illusions about his ability to increase the bottom line. Wait. He‛d had the words.

‟But you‛re smiling.‟ Davey patted him on the shoulder. ‟Get some rest. Tomorrow is Shabbas.‟

Toby turned off the lights, secured the windows, and made sure all the locks were thrown. ‟You know what you need, Davey?‟

‟Nope.‟

‟A wife.‟ Toby had noticed the lack of one.

‟Oy vey, now you sound like my mother!‟ Davey laughed. ‟Tomorrow, we rest. You should go out into the world.‟

Toby didn‛t think that was a good idea. ‟I could look for you a wife - a good Jewish girl.‟

Davey grinned and went upstairs to his apartment. Toby took off his apron and hung it on the hook. He had a book on his cot, and he settled down to read. Pushing off his shoes, he relaxed. It was quiet. He was warm and fed and his family was safe. Life had certainly been worse.

A gentle memory lapped at him, and he smiled. Chris would laugh to know that he had a twin in New York. Toby hoped that Elliot had caught the bad guy. Elliot was special. He had been kind. It had shone from his eyes. Toby shut his book and remembered him. Constructing the image carefully, Toby made sure the badge was on Elliot‛s belt. Elliot.

********

Elliot rolled over and fumbled for his cell phone. ‟I‛m asleep.‟

‟Get dressed. I‛m waiting for you outside. We got another one.‟ Olivia hung up on him.

Elliot cursed. He threw the covers back and found some clothes. The job took and took, and his well was about dry. Slipping on his coat, he searched for his hat and then remembered he‛d given it to Beecher. Tobias Beecher. Another mistake. Elliot locked the door and went out to the sedan. He hadn‛t forgotten the kiss, and he wished he would.

Olivia had the heater going, and Elliot was glad. ‟Damn cold.‟

‟Two more homeless people died last night, bringing the total to ten. The newspapers are calling it a disgrace.‟ Olivia got the car moving.

‟It is,‟ Elliot growled. ‟What have we got?‟

‟The bleach killer struck again.‟

Elliot saw her coffee and took a drink. ‟I‛ll go to the morgue after this and check for Beecher.‟

She nodded. ‟We need to find him.‟

‟Let‛s hope we can find another witness.‟ Elliot cringed at the thought of Tobias on the stand, being torn to pieces by some asswipe attorney. The scene was the same, even if the alley was different, and this time, they found no witnesses at all. Warner looked half-frozen, and Elliot gave her the last of Olivia‛s coffee.

‟You need to get this guy,‟ Warner said softly. ‟He‛s pissing me off.‟

Elliot felt the same, but there just wasn‛t anything to go on. He stamped his feet. ‟Anything at all?‟

‟I doubt it. I‛ll let you know.‟

Munch and Fin started a canvass, and they all moved as fast as possible. By noon, they were in the squad room, wishing someone would turn up the heat. Elliot found the files and stared at it all again.

‟Find Beecher,‟ Cragen said. ‟I don‛t care what you have to do.‟

Elliot nodded. They were out of options. They had a serial killer on their hands, and he wasn‛t going to stop until they made him.

********

Toby shoveled the snow away from the door and was very glad that he wasn‛t trying to survive outside any longer. He owed Davey more than a favor.

‟Shiksa, I got a delivery!‟

Toby put the shovel away and went in the back. He stamped the snow off before going up front. ‟What‛s up, Davey?‟

‟Can you make a big delivery for me?‟ Davey smiled and pointed at the box. It was bulging with sandwiches and chips.

‟Sure. Where?‟ Toby had made a couple of deliveries, and he didn‛t mind it, but he always hurried back. He found the ticket and stared down at Davey‛s crisp handwriting. ‟I can‛t do this.‟

Davey put his hand on Toby‛s forearm. ‟Elliot Stabler is a friend of mine. He called in an order. I need your help.‟

Toby swallowed hard. He ducked his head, ashamed that he‛d lied. ‟I‛m sorry. I was scared and his name popped in my head. He was the detective that interviewed me.‟

‟I thought as much.‟ Davey nudged the box. ‟Dash in, drop it, and get back here. If he isn‛t around, he can pay later.‟

Toby knew this wasn‛t a big deal. He would wear his hat. No one would look at him. He‛d be fine, and he‛d just been thinking that he owed Davey everything. ‟I‛ll do it.‟

‟Thanks, shiksa.‟ Davey laughed and tugged Toby‛s long hair. Toby grinned, put the lid on the box, and got moving. He had helped them, and Elliot had been kind. There was nothing to fear. Toby kept his face turned away after he crossed the threshold. He saw Munch, but didn‛t stop, putting the box on Benson‛s desk. She‛d seen the least of him.

‟Food from Davey‛s!‟ Toby kept his head down and spoke gruffly.

‟Fin, your turn to buy,‟ Munch said.

Toby took the money, turned fast, and beat it out of there. Davey needed him back.

*********

Elliot came in the squad room and caught a bare glimpse of the delivery boy rushing out the door. Well, it was a guy, but close enough. The box from Davey‛s smelled good. Munch started passing out food, and Elliot sat down to eat. He took his and started to unwrap it.

‟I put an APB out on Beecher.‟

‟I hope we don‛t find him,‟ Munch said.

‟If we do, we‛ll protect him.‟ Elliot hoped they could. He wiped his mouth. ‟Davey‛s is the best.‟

‟I didn‛t know he had any hired help,‟ Munch said. ‟And did you see the Fu Manchu moustache on that guy? That is so seventies.‟

‟Those are in style again.‟ Olivia smiled. ‟Get with it, Munch.‟

Elliot laughed. He hadn‛t seen the front of the guy. Something wiggled in his memory, and suddenly it clicked into place. He nearly jumped to his feet, but chasing after him would be a bad idea. Lunch first, while he thought about it. Beecher had dashed out of here, so he might have been scared. Elliot would make a quick phone call and assess the situation. Davey‛s closed at six, and that might be soon enough.

********

‟Shiksa! Come up front, please.‟

Toby put the mop and bucket in the corner. The day was over, and he was looking forward to his book and some quiet. He went through the door and nearly crumpled to the floor. ‟Davey, please no.‟

‟Elliot and John want to talk to you.‟ Davey smiled. ‟They are good men. You must trust them.‟

Toby couldn‛t seem to breathe. He shook his head and took a step towards the back door. It wasn‛t far. ‟No. Please, just leave me alone.‟

‟Tobias, we have to talk.‟ Elliot started for him. Toby moaned softly. He couldn‛t do this. Davey suddenly took a good hold of Toby‛s shoulder.

‟I‛m sorry, Davey,‟ Toby whispered. He had to get out of here.

‟I know it‛s hard, but are you going to let a criminal walk away because of the damn Nazis?‟ Davey shook him gently. ‟You must be a man.‟

Toby saw Davey‛s courage, and it shamed him. ‟If they find out I‛m here, they‛ll burn you out. Kill you. There is no fighting them. They‛re like rats.‟

‟Trust Elliot.‟ Davey look right in Toby‛s eyes and seemed to will him to believe. ‟Oh, and John.‟

Elliot was close now. ‟We need your help. The killer struck again.‟

‟I‛m as good as dead. Freezing to death would have been a blessing compared to what the Aryans will do to me.‟ Toby felt the ebony satin of an attack push at him. ‟Davey, my head.‟

Davey nodded and helped him to his cot. Elliot and Munch got out of the way. Toby jerked as it stabbed at him. The shank struck hard and deep, and he felt Chris‛s arms around him again. When it faded, released him, he gasped for breath. His vision turned outward and he saw Elliot.

Elliot took him by the hand. ‟Hang on.‟

Toby gripped him hard. There were no words for this, and he took comfort in the touch. When his voice would work again, he asked, ‟Davey?‟

‟Talking to Munch out front.‟ Elliot helped him sit up. ‟Better?‟

‟Yeah.‟ Toby rubbed his face. He had to make one thing clear, and then maybe Elliot would leave him alone again. ‟I won‛t testify for you.‟

Elliot‛s eyes were sad. ‟Then I have to arrest you as a material witness. Cragen and Novak gave me no choice.‟

Toby stood up shakily. He had to run, but his legs didn‛t want to go. Instead, he went out front. Davey handed him a soda. ‟Drink it all.‟

Toby nodded and started drinking.

‟It seems to help after an attack. We don‛t know why. The sugar maybe.‟ Davey shrugged. ‟Shiksa doesn‛t have the attacks very often.‟

Munch laughed. ‟Your shiksa is Tobias Beecher.‟

‟Names are not important. He is a good man, and he has worked hard for nothing but a cot and a slice of salami.‟ Davey glared at Munch. Elliot sat down heavily, and Toby did the same. He was fucked now. There was nothing he could do but let the cops get him killed.

‟You have to protect Davey. No matter what.‟ Toby stared hard at Elliot, trying to make sure that he understood. ‟Promise me. Your word as a Catholic.‟

‟I promise.‟ Elliot crossed himself. ‟And I‛m not going to let them kill you.‟

‟We aren‛t going to let them kill you.‟ Munch raised his eyebrows.

‟Davey, I can‛t come back here. Once my name goes out, someone will follow me.‟ Toby hated leaving this way. Hell, he hated leaving. He‛d testify and then he‛d have to go back to living on the streets. The thought made him ache, but he‛d do it. ‟I‛m sorry.‟

Davey looked at Munch. ‟This is true?‟

‟Very. We‛ll probably have to keep him in lockup for his own protection.‟

Toby got to his feet fast. Elliot moved to intercept him. ‟Toby, don‛t panic. We‛ll find a solution.‟

‟I am never doing a good deed again.‟ Toby wanted to cry. He‛d screwed up, and now he‛d pay for it. The only good thing was that his family was safe. That‛s what mattered. He was expendable, and he would be killed. Not long ago, he‛d have embraced it, but now it only made him sad.

Elliot pulled him into a hug. ‟Settle down. Trust us.‟

Toby breathed deep and didn‛t push away. He needed this, and he drew it deep into his soul to keep for later. ‟Arrest me.‟

‟Why?‟ Elliot frowned at him.

Toby smoothed his hand over his moustache. It was turning into a habit. ‟It has to be on the report that I was homeless.‟

Elliot looked over at Munch and loosed his hold on him. ‟Munch?‟

‟If we put that he‛s living here, it might get out. Our system has been hacked before.‟ Munch sighed. ‟Let‛s drag it all out into the light - the plight of the homeless and the stupidity of a pack of Nazis.‟

Toby tore away from them and went to the back room. He put on his extra clothes. His hands shook and he knew he was a fool, but he had no choice now. Stopping a murderer was more important than his fucked up life.

‟Shiksa, your job will be waiting for you.‟

Toby put on his gloves and gave Davey a fast hug. ‟Thank you. You are a great man, and I owe you more than I can ever repay. And I know what shiksa means.‟

Davey blushed. ‟Then get a haircut!‟

‟It was a disguise.‟ Toby grinned, but it was humorless. ‟Tell them to pick me up outside the homeless center.‟

‟You know the way?‟ Davey sounded worried. Toby nodded. He knew now. They shook hands, and he went quickly out the back door before he changed his mind. Elliot was standing on the front step, and he watched him go.

‟Be careful, Toby!‟

Toby waved and went a little faster. Part of his brain whispered to him that he could catch a cab and an airplane and be in California before midnight. He stuffed his hands under his underarms and slogged through some snow. Elliot had trusted him enough to let him leave. Trust. He shivered, put his face deeper into his coat, and cursed. There was no way he could betray Elliot, even if it got him killed.

It was damn cold, and by the time he got there, he couldn‛t feel his feet.

‟We‛re full!‟ The priest at the door told him. ‟Try the one in Brooklyn.‟

‟I‛ll just take a cab.‟ Toby rolled his eyes and shuffled off. It wasn‛t their fault. Funding had been cut this year, but that didn‛t mean people wouldn‛t die. He crossed the street and found a corner to hide from the wind. The cold ate at him, and he almost welcomed the numbness. Things had been good at Davey‛s. He‛d been doing better - only three attacks this week. Whether it was the regular food or the warmth or the simple feeling of being safe was anyone‛s guess, but he would admit to some fear that the attacks would return full force. It had been nice to be able to think again. He shivered and squatted down, trying to stay warm enough not to die before Elliot arrested him.

********

‟Long enough?‟ Elliot looked over at Munch.

‟I think so.‟ Munch raised his voice, so Cragen could hear him over at the coffee pot. ‟Captain, Elliot and I are going to go check the homeless center again. We might get lucky.‟

Cragen nodded. ‟All four of you go. Ask everyone. Find him.‟

Elliot had some misgivings about this. There was a lot that could go wrong. He‛d trusted Beecher, and he hadn‛t given it a thought at the time, but now he was worried. Beecher could be long gone by now. He had the money. Elliot buttoned his coat and refused to give over the keys. He would find out in about an hour the kind of man that Tobias Beecher really was.

‟Did you check the morgue, Elliot?‟

‟He wasn‛t there,‟ Elliot skipped around the truth. They took two cars and searched the homeless center thoroughly. No luck. Elliot went back out to the sidewalk and looked up and down the street. Here and there, he spotted huddled coats. Beecher was going to make this tough on them, if he was here at all.

Munch came up behind them. ‟We‛ll get this side of the street. Got your flashlight?‟

Elliot retrieved it from the car and crossed the street. Olivia went right, and he went left. He just checked hats, and he was shocked when suddenly he saw a guy get up and run.

‟Got him!‟ Elliot shouted. He saw Fin cross the street, and they cornered Beecher in a stairwell. He crouched down and put his hands up to the light.

‟No! No, God damn it!‟

Elliot cuffed him. ‟You frozen?‟ he whispered. He could feel Beecher shaking. He‛d nearly frozen to death to protect Davey, and he‛d kept his word.

‟About dead.‟ Beecher struggled and fought. Elliot blinked in surprise when the lights of the media struck his eyes. He hadn‛t seen them arrive. Obviously, Beecher had. Elliot and Fin hauled him to the car.

‟Detective! Are you arresting this man in conjunction with the recent murders?‟

Elliot wasn‛t going to answer that. Beecher‛s teeth were chattering, and he‛d lost his gloves somewhere along the line. Munch ran interference as they got him in the car.

‟Detective! What can you tell us?‟

Elliot slammed the door. ‟It‛s too damn cold to be out. A person might freeze to death.‟ He went around to his side and got in. Slowly, he pulled out into traffic.

‟One Police Plaza isn‛t going to like that,‟ Olivia said.

‟They can chase perps in this weather then.‟ Elliot looked back. ‟You okay, Beech?‟

‟C-C-Cold.‟ Beecher sounded tired. Elliot turned on the light and got them back to the house quickly. He pulled Beecher out and took him inside to warm up.

‟I‛m going to call Dr. Huang,‟ Elliot whispered in Beecher‛s ear. ‟Okay?‟

‟D-D-Don‛t care.‟ Beecher didn‛t protest when he was pushed in a cage. He tucked his hands under his arms and curled up. Elliot stared down at him and wanted to hold him. The feelings weren‛t reasonable, but they were honest. He wanted to brush Beecher‛s hair back and tell him that everything was going to be fine. Beecher had shown exactly what kind of man that he was, and Elliot could only do his best not to get him killed.

‟I‛ll get you some coffee.‟ Elliot went to do that, and Cragen caught up with him there.

‟I called Novak. Good job. Finally.‟ Cragen followed after him as he went to deliver the coffee. ‟Is he drunk?‟

‟Want me to test him?‟ Elliot opened the door, squatted down, and tried to see how Beecher was doing. This had to be hard for him. ‟Huang will be here soon.‟

Beecher nodded. ‟Th-th-th-thanks,‟ he said softly. Elliot locked him in again and hated it.

‟He doesn‛t look drunk - just frozen.‟ Cragen shook his head. ‟Someone will die tonight.‟

Elliot thought so too, and he was glad it wasn‛t going to be Beecher. ‟I‛ll go do the report.‟

‟Good.‟ Cragen shook his head. ‟He should have cooperated.‟

Elliot wanted to spin this right. ‟I don‛t think he wants to die. Pretty damn simple.‟ He went to his desk. By the time he was done with the reports, Novak was there. She made it short and sweet.

‟I want him in a room. Now. In the morning, we‛ll have a lineup.‟ Novak was practically pacing. ‟We‛ve got to move on this case, and we have tonight to pull it all together.‟

‟I‛ll put him in three.‟ Elliot gathered all his files on the murders and went to get their only witness. He‛d have to scramble to keep the lawyers from ripping Beecher apart.

********

Toby didn‛t like the cage. It smelled like Oz, and he curled tighter, trying to keep his brain from flying to pieces. He drank some coffee and tried to form a plan of action. His ability to think seemed frozen, but he had to act as sane as possible. He had to be a good witness or the scumball would walk. The lawyer for the defense was going to try to eat him for lunch. When the coffee was gone, he crushed the cup, and resisted pacing. He was fine. He was.

‟Warmer?‟ Elliot opened the door and asked.

Toby nodded. He fumbled up, so glad that the door was open that he nearly fell on his way out. ‟Thanks. Can I piss?‟

Elliot took him to the restroom. Toby pissed, washed his hands, and shook his head at his image in the mirror. Elliot frowned. ‟What?‟

‟I look like a renegade biker - on crack.‟ Toby tugged his hair. It had never been this long. ‟We gotta do something about this.‟

‟It was a good disguise.‟ Elliot smiled now, and it was handsome on him. ‟It was the hat. I spotted it as I came in the squad room.‟

‟Shit.‟ Toby groaned. He was stupid to even look at him. Elliot made a gesture and took him to a room with a glass window. He peeled off his coat and sat down to wait. ‟It‛s going to be a long night, isn‛t it?‟

‟Very.‟

‟I hope my brain can handle it.‟ Toby combed his fingers through his hair, found a rubber band in his pocket, and pulled it back out of his face. ‟One word about ponytails and I‛ll kick your ass.‟

Elliot grinned. He said very softly, ‟Not a problem, shiksa.‟

Toby found himself laughing, and it felt good.

‟Glad you‛re in a good mood.‟

Toby stopped laughing. He stared up at her. ‟Who the hell are you?‟

‟A.D.A. Casey Novak.‟ She smiled, but her eyes were sharp. ‟We have business, Beecher.‟

‟Shit,‟ Toby whispered. He gathered the tattered remnants of his courage. ‟I think I should be protesting your rough treatment.‟

She sat down across from him. ‟Your own fault. And Elliot‛s. He never should have turned you loose before I had spoken to you.‟

Toby resented her tone and the look on her face. He glanced at Elliot and saw frustration. ‟I wasn‛t under arrest. I was free to go, and I did. My testimony could very well be my death sentence.‟

‟I‛m not convinced there‛s a real threat.‟ Novak shook her head. ‟Are you on medication for delusions? Drugs? Heroin?‟

Toby leaned back. He was facing a woman who had no real idea of how she‛d get him killed. ‟Elliot, you‛re convinced, right?‟

‟Yes.‟ Elliot pulled out a sheet and handed it to her. ‟The reward went up again. Munch is working with TARU to monitor any activity in regards to your arrest.‟

‟Let‛s start at the beginning.‟ Novak put the sheet away without really looking at it. It wasn‛t reassuring. ‟And tomorrow, you have to pick him out of a lineup. Can you do it?‟

Toby nodded slowly. His mind flashed a picture of the brute and he controlled a shiver. ‟I can, but I wonder if I should. What are going to do to protect me?‟

Novak looked at Elliot. ‟Lockup tonight.‟

‟The Nazis are going to make a play for me before this is over. If I were you, I‛d get some extra security.‟

Elliot rubbed his arm. ‟I‛ll take care of it.‟

Toby tilted his head. ‟You too?‟ He tapped Elliot‛s arm.

‟Shot last year.‟ Elliot shrugged. ‟I‛m fine.‟

‟But you know.‟ Toby felt more reassured than ever. He might have a chance now. Maybe. If Elliot believed, he might actually work to keep him safe. It was possible.

‟I do. We‛ll be careful.‟

There was a tap on the glass, and Elliot got to his feet. Toby wanted to go with him, but it wasn‛t possible. Novak was flipping through her paperwork, and Toby fidgeted a little. ‟I‛m hot. You mind if I strip off a shirt?‟

‟Go ahead.‟ Novak nodded. ‟And then let‛s start.‟

‟Counselor, I‛d like to speak with Mr. Beecher first,‟ Huang said softly but firmly as he came through the door. ‟Please.‟

Toby took off his extra sweatshirt and pants. He adjusted everything, but didn‛t return to his chair. Novak had given ground, but she‛d watch from the window, and Toby found some words.

‟Hey, Doc.‟

‟Hello, Tobias. How are you?‟ Huang had his hands in his pockets, and he hadn‛t sat down.

‟I‛m pretty good.‟ Toby tapped his head. He wasn‛t excited about talking to Huang, but the guy had made the effort to come down here. ‟I‛m still crazy, but it seems to be better.‟

‟Elliot thinks so also. Have you taken any medications or drugs since we last talked?‟

‟No.‟ Toby leaned back against the wall, willing to talk about it. ‟I used to have a dozen attacks a day. I‛m down to about three or four a week now.‟

Huang looked hopeful. ‟Medication and therapy could see you free of your flashbacks.‟

Toby sighed. ‟I think Novak will have an opinion about everything. If she thinks it‛s good for the case, you can medicate me.‟

‟Once a lawyer, always a lawyer.‟ Huang sighed. ‟Your mental health is more important-‟

‟Than catching a murderer?‟ Toby interrupted. ‟I‛m not sure she‛d agree with you. Ask her. I‛m fine either way.‟

Huang came over to him. ‟Where have you been?‟

‟Here and there. Surviving. Does it matter? This testimony will be coerced.‟ Toby thought it was better that way. If he looked reluctant, he‛d look more honest. ‟Anything else?‟

‟Is this real?‟

Toby looked around. ‟Unfortunately, it is, and it may see me dead.‟

Huang didn‛t look as if he disagreed. ‟The lawyer for the defense is going to be brutal.‟

‟I know. It‛s his job. I may have an attack on the stand, but that‛s a risk that Novak will have to take.‟ Toby had no solutions. His brain could only do so much. He went to a chair and sat down. It was getting late, and his feet were tired. ‟Please don‛t let them put me in lockup. I would rather be sedated and cuffed to a bunk in that room upstairs again.‟

‟You‛re sure?‟ Huang looked satisfied.

‟You have my permission if it comes down to it.‟ Toby was sure this would be the longest night of his life since he‛d been branded. Novak came through the door. Elliot was right behind her and gave him a squeeze on the shoulder. Toby braced himself. He had to stay sane.

*********

Elliot wasn‛t going to let him out of his sight. He‛d sleep later. Tobias Beecher was a far cry today from the man that had been pulled from behind a dumpster, but it was still going to be a long night and a difficult morning.

‟How‛s he doing?‟ Cragen asked.

Elliot put the coffee down on the shelf outside the room. ‟He‛s holding up. Novak is pushing him hard.‟

‟It‛s her job.‟ Cragen crossed his arms. ‟I know you feel protective of him, but don‛t lose sight of the case.‟

Elliot picked up the coffee and took it inside before he cursed at his captain. Lose sight? As if that was possible. Toby thanked him for the coffee.

‟Do I get some sleep before this lineup?‟ Toby asked Novak. ‟Don‛t you need me at my best?‟

Elliot nearly laughed at Toby‛s blatant manipulations. Novak snapped the file shut. ‟Put him in lockup.‟

‟I can‛t get a haircut if I‛m in lockup.‟ Toby pulled the rubber band out and let it fan around his face. ‟Elliot, you know a good barber?‟

Novak got to her feet and right in Elliot‛s face. ‟Lose him and I‛ll have your badge.‟

Elliot wasn‛t scared, but he raised his eyebrows at the threat. ‟Come on, shiksa.‟

Toby laughed and beat Elliot out the door. Elliot took him to the locker room, and he stowed his clothes and coat.

‟Shower?‟ Elliot asked. He didn‛t think Toby needed one.

‟I‛m good. Are my clothes clean enough?‟ Toby picked at his sweatshirt.

‟Is that mayo?‟ Elliot moved closer and pointed. He couldn‛t help but smile. Toby looked down and shrugged. He smiled, and Elliot nearly reached for him. The urge to hold him was overwhelming, and he sighed softly. It wasn‛t possible to feel this way about this man, but he did.

Toby stretched out his hand and touched Elliot‛s face. ‟I never doubted that you were real.‟

Elliot didn‛t slap the hand away, and Toby slowly dropped it.

‟Well, I began to think that I‛d hallucinated you.‟

‟I should have gone to Brooklyn, but I couldn‛t find a cab.‟ Toby shrugged as if it hadn‛t mattered. ‟I was lost when Davey opened his door for me.‟

‟I know. He had words with me about it.‟ Elliot wouldn‛t do that again. ‟Sorry.‟

‟Hey, you gave me a hat, which I should have refused.‟ Toby smiled and edged closer. ‟Got a shaver?‟

Elliot nodded. He had everything here. Hell, he lived here. Seemed as if Toby did too now. They were both homeless. Toby went to the sink and shaved his face clean. Elliot went ahead and stared.

‟You look very different.‟

‟Geeky, I know. Scissors?‟ Toby grinned. ‟Or if you still have my shank lying around, I can use that.‟

Elliot didn‛t remember what he‛d done with the knife. It might be in his desk. ‟Wait here.‟ He went out and found a pair of scissors. Toby was still at the mirror when Elliot got back. ‟Thanks for not running off.‟

Toby raised his eyebrows. ‟I‛m all yours, Elliot.‟

Elliot nearly dropped the scissors. He made sure he had a good grip, but he couldn‛t find words to answer him. Toby pulled his hair back and kept it in his fist. ‟Cut right above my hand.‟

‟I‛m not a barber.‟ Elliot didn‛t think this was a good idea.

‟Trust me. It‛s all one length. It‛ll look better, but not too good.‟ Toby made a gesture. ‟Do it.‟

Elliot took hold of the hair and cut it off. He stared down at the inches left in his hand. ‟That‛s a lot of hair.‟

‟I‛m a hairy guy.‟ Toby avoided the scissors and grabbed Elliot‛s hand. ‟You look tired.‟

‟Busted my ass looking for you,‟ Elliot said gruffly. It wasn‛t completely true, but he had to say something. He couldn‛t seem to take his eyes off the hair. He was tired. Toby‛s feet moved right next to Elliot‛s and he still didn‛t look up. ‟Don‛t get me in any more trouble with Huang.‟

Toby leaned into him. Elliot didn‛t mind. He should‛ve, but he didn‛t, and before he could think clearly, he put his arm around him. Toby groaned softly. ‟Just a touch brings my world into balance. Thank you.‟

‟You are crazy.‟ Elliot laughed softly. He thought the same, but he couldn‛t say it. ‟Let‛s go up to the crib, and then breakfast, and then the lineup.‟

Toby sighed. ‟You‛re staying with me?‟

Elliot heard the disbelief. He reassured him, ‟I like my badge.‟ He took a single step, and they were apart and moving. The hair, he dropped on his desk. Putting his hand in the small of Toby‛s back, he steered from behind. ‟When this is over, you have to run.‟

‟No shit,‟ Toby drawled.

‟Can you meet up with your family?‟ Elliot pushed open the door and nudged Toby towards a cot.

Toby snorted and flopped down. ‟I don‛t know where they are.‟

Elliot didn‛t believe that. ‟You should be with them.‟

‟Not gonna happen.‟ Toby rubbed his eyes. He rolled to his side. Elliot took that as a hint to shut up. He lay down also, but there was too much going on in his brain: the case, Novak, his kids, and Toby. Beecher. Whatever. Elliot closed his eyes. He was out of luck on all fronts.

*********

Toby woke up in his usual manner - panicked. The dreams oozed away instantly, and he saw who was in the cot next to him. Elliot was asleep. Toby slipped off to the floor and sat next to him to stare while he could. Not Chris. Chris was dead. Elliot wasn‛t a lying, killing, whoring sex machine. Toby controlled a soft groan. He did miss Chris - proof of insanity.

Running away would mean that he‛d never see Elliot again - fucking Nazis always ruined everything. Toby curled his fingers into a fist. If he was never going to see his family again, did it matter if they killed him? No, it didn‛t.

‟Elliot, time to get up!‟

Toby startled at the sound of Munch‛s voice. Elliot swung his legs over, and Toby got the hell out of the way. He felt like a damn fool, and Munch was grinning from ear to ear.

‟I‛m up. There sure as hell better be coffee,‟ Elliot growled. ‟Toby, what are you doing?‟

‟Nothing,‟ Toby mumbled and found a way to his feet. He brushed off his pants and combed his fingers through his hair - what was left of it. ‟Coffee would be good. I‛d be helping Davey open shop about now.‟

‟No worries, shiksa. I sent my nephew to help out.‟ Munch was never going to let that nickname slide. Toby knew that no amount of glares would work. He might have to shank him.

Elliot scratched his head and surged up, stretching. ‟Any news?‟

‟Nothing on the internet yet.‟ Munch held the door open for them.

Toby clapped Munch on the shoulder. ‟Don‛t worry about it. My family is safe. That‛s all I care about.‟

‟Munch, worry about it. Novak wants him alive until she gets a conviction.‟ Elliot poured two cups of coffee. Toby added cream and sugar to his and sat down at a small table to drink it. Elliot went to the stairs. ‟Come on.‟

‟Nah. I‛ll sit here. You go do cop stuff. I‛m not going anywhere.‟ Toby took a sip. He shut his eyes and did a brain check. Everything seemed okay. Being here wasn‛t sending him into fits. Images flashed against his eyelids, and he breathed. He breathed. The steam from the coffee went into his lungs.

‟How are you today, Tobias?‟

Toby slowly opened his eyes. ‟You do look like Father Mukada - the priest at Oz. I‛m not just being a prejudiced white man, even though that‛s what I am.‟

‟It‛s possible that I have a cousin.‟ Huang smiled and sat down. ‟Does it bother you?‟

‟Not today.‟ Toby took his coffee and went to stare over the rail at Elliot. ‟Seen weirder shit.‟

Huang must have been getting some coffee because Toby heard the splash and dribble. Elliot was on the phone and chewing a straw. Munch and Fin were talking about something, and Toby wondered how long he‛d be living here at the precinct.

‟How long do you think the trial will last? A month? Two? A year?‟

‟He might plead out. We can‛t know.‟

Toby laughed. ‟Bullshit. One witness? This will be in the courts forever.‟ He didn‛t have a life to speak of, but he wasn‛t sure he wanted to spend it here. ‟What did Novak say about the drugs?‟

‟She‛d rather we waited, but it‛s your decision. It‛s your mental health.‟

Toby didn‛t care. He shrugged and said nothing, sipping his coffee. Elliot hung up the phone and glanced up at him. Cragen came out of his office and called a meeting. Toby hoped it wasn‛t about him. He turned to face Huang.

‟Did they book you?‟ Huang was sitting calmly at the table.

‟Not yet. Why do you think the attacks have lessened?‟ Toby went to sit across from him.

Huang hesitated. ‟Have you confronted any of the possible issues that precipitated the attacks?‟

‟Uh, no. All I did was work in a deli - push a broom and sling salami.‟ Toby didn‛t want to deal with Oz and Chris, especially not now that he was under arrest. ‟Hey, maybe it‛s a miracle cure.‟

‟Or maybe you felt safe for the first time in years.‟ Huang proved that he was no fool again. ‟You were able to relax and your flashbacks lessened.‟

‟Maybe so.‟ Toby thought that was as good an explanation as any. ‟After the lineup, I‛ll probably have one. Warn Novak.‟

‟I already have.‟

Toby drank his coffee and hoped his brain behaved long enough to get the job done. ‟I never had a problem until after Chris died.‟

Huang‛s eyes zoomed in on him. ‟Nothing until then?‟

‟Not one. Sure, I did drugs and drank and had all the problems that come with that, but the attacks started when I was clean.‟ Toby stared into his mug. He shouldn‛t be talking, but it was old news and unlikely to cause an attack. ‟After he died, and he killed all those Aryans, I . . . just . . . stopped living in the real world. If I have one a day or every other day, I can function fairly well, but when I have one every hour, it‛s difficult to walk and talk.‟

‟I‛m surprised Oz released you.‟ Huang sipped his coffee and looked calm, but his eyes were sharp. He was making an assessment, no doubt about that.

Toby finished his coffee and took the mug to the little sink to rinse it out. He‛d been surprised also, but he‛d become an expensive prisoner, so they‛d tossed him on his ear.

‟Sister Pete argued against it, but I‛d served my time.‟

‟Did they have you on meds?‟

‟You‛d have to ask Sister Pete. I swallowed what they gave me, usually.‟ Toby had been in solitary for months after the bus ride. Dr. Nathan and Sister Pete had tried to help him. He gave them credit, but he‛d been hopeless. He went back to the railing. ‟Drooling isn‛t much fun.‟

‟No, it‛s not.‟ Huang was slowly turning his coffee cup. ‟I‛ll contact her, if you don‛t mind.‟

Toby turned away from him. ‟Whatever. I‛ll sign a release, if you want.‟ He was tired of talking about Oz. Right now, he had to face this problem. ‟How many homeless people died last night?‟

‟One. The press is calling for an investigation.‟ Huang made a rude noise. ‟There‛s never enough money to help, only imprison.‟

Toby thought that was true. He needed to brush his hand down Elliot‛s arm, and he slowly went down the stairs - one step at a time. Elliot immediately turned towards him. Their eyes met.

‟Hungry?‟

‟Can we go get breakfast?‟ Toby edged close enough to casually touch him in a way that no one would comment on and watched his face. Elliot frowned and that was answer enough. Toby put his hands behind his back and blurted, ‟Forget it. How long?‟

‟An hour or two.‟ Elliot gestured to Munch. ‟John, take Beecher out for breakfast.‟

Toby wasn‛t sure he wanted to leave Elliot‛s line of sight. It was safer when he was around. Munch nodded though. Toby went to get his coat, and they took an elevator upstairs. Munch was talking about something, but Toby wasn‛t really listening. The cold, winter air rushed into Toby‛s lungs, and he stopped to breathe it deep. They crossed the street to a little coffee shop, and Munch ordered for both of them.

‟Toby?‟

Toby looked at each customer for tats. This place seemed safe enough. He told himself again that he didn‛t care, but still, he looked.

‟Shiksa?‟

‟Not funny.‟ Toby unzipped his coat. He was glad to see more coffee. ‟You have kids?‟

‟No, just lots of angry ex-wives.‟ Munch sighed heavily.

Toby smiled at the drama. He asked very softly, ‟The Aryans shot Elliot?‟

‟And me. Right in the butt.‟ Munch wasn‛t speaking quietly. ‟No love lost there. We‛re going to keep you safe.‟

Toby drew a few quick conclusions. ‟That‛s why I haven‛t been processed. You lost the paperwork.‟

‟I might have. It happens.‟ Munch shrugged, and the food arrived. Toby ate and didn‛t try to think any longer. Munch didn‛t talk until his plate was empty. ‟You buying?‟

Toby nodded. He unzipped his inner coat pocket and put a fresh fifty on the table. ‟I don‛t have any twenties right now.‟

‟Damn.‟ Munch put on his coat. ‟You do have money.‟

‟Why would I lie about that?‟ Toby zipped his coat shut and hoped that Munch didn‛t think that he was a liar. ‟I‛m homeless, not destitute.‟

Munch put on his hat, and they were out the door. Toby eyed the precinct and hated to go back. He knew all the reasons that he should, but it was still jail, and he hated it. Elliot wanted him to help, and that was enough to send him up the stairs again.

‟How do you get your money?‟ Munch waited until they were in the elevator alone.

Toby shrugged. He wasn‛t going to tell the truth. ‟I buried a box of money in Central Park. When I need some, I dig it up.‟

‟Right.‟ Munch laughed. ‟I‛m a cop, yes, but that doesn‛t automatically make me a fool.‟

Toby liked Munch‛s sense of humor. He slipped off his coat. ‟I need a new coat. It practically screams homeless.‟ He spotted Novak and groaned. ‟Shit. We‛re busted.‟

Munch disappeared quickly, leaving Toby to face her alone. She looked him over. ‟Better. Are you willing to help us now?‟

‟No.‟ Toby nearly smiled at her clear frustration. ‟Why would I? Are you paying me? Offering me shelter? What do you have that I want or need?‟

‟You were a lawyer. It‛s your civic duty.‟

‟And? What else do you have? The only way I‛m doing this is if you compel me.‟ Toby paused for one beat. ‟Otherwise it will look like a very shady deal.‟

She stared for a long minute. ‟Alonzo Keane has the best lawyers money can buy. They will thoroughly investigate you. I fully expect them to attempt to pay you off. The only hope I have is that your testimony holds up in court.‟

Toby knew all that. ‟Not much hope, I know. I‛ll try to think of something to help.‟ He hadn‛t replayed the scene since the time in the locker room. He hadn‛t wanted to, but he would now. ‟Do you usually pay homeless people for testimony?‟

‟We have offered rewards in the past. It never looks good.‟ Novak pointed, started walking, and he obediently followed her. Elliot met them before they were all the way back to the squad room.

‟We‛re ready.‟ Elliot gave him a small smile. ‟You?‟

‟Yes.‟ Toby clutched his coat. He wanted Elliot‛s arms around him because this was going to be difficult, but that wasn‛t possible. They took him to a small room that was bursting with men in suits. Toby hadn‛t worn a suit in a long time. He tried to focus on Elliot.

‟Okay, this is the drill. They‛ll file in. Wait until they‛re all in the room, and then tell us if you see him. No pressure. Don‛t rush.‟

‟That‛s enough coaching, Detective,‟ one of the lawyers snapped.

Toby nodded because he was supposed to, and Elliot used an intercom to tell them it was time. The men filed in one after the other, and Toby stared at the floor until he saw that all the shoes had stopped moving.

‟Take your time,‟ Novak said.

Toby was slightly appalled that he recognized the shoes. They were the same ones. Had the idiot gotten a rush by wearing them today? He lifted his eyes to their faces and told his brain to shut the fuck up.

‟It‛s number four,‟ he said firmly.

No one in the room said a word.

Toby looked at the fucker‛s crotch. ‟Does he have pubic hair now or is he still hairless down there?‟

‟We‛ve heard enough,‟ a different lawyer snarled. ‟You‛ll have a motion to suppress by the end of the day.‟

‟I expected it. Thank you for your time, Mr. Beecher.‟ Novak gestured at Elliot, and Toby went without making trouble.

‟He‛s hairless?‟

‟He was.‟ Toby leaned closer. ‟He has the same shoes on,‟ he whispered. Elliot pulled him around, and he saw the surprise on Elliot‛s face. ‟I recognize them. He stood in the blood and snow, and I was crouched low.‟

‟Munch!‟

Toby sat down in a chair that was close. Munch hurried over. ‟What?‟

‟Watch him.‟ Elliot rushed off. Toby held his coat tightly. He had to breathe. Breathe. He was safe. Munch was close. Davey trusted him. It was safe. Toby rubbed his mouth and made sure not to whimper like the bitch he was. That fucker had hurt her. Hurt her. The lawyers came into the squad room, and all eyes were on him. He could feel them hating him.

Munch used his body to block them from sight. ‟Move along, fellas.‟

‟Mr. Beecher, is it true that you were arrested and forced to make this identification?‟

Toby knew that no answer was the best answer. Munch growled something, and Toby saw the black curtain coming down. There wasn‛t much time.

‟I have to throw up.‟

Munch turned fast, grabbed him, and took him to the closest restroom. Toby sank down right inside the door. The linoleum was hard beneath him. ‟Leave. My head . . .‟ And the precinct was gone. He saw Chris again, smiling. She struggled, but weakly. Chris didn‛t love him. A forearm dug into Toby‛s neck, and Schillinger laughed and laughed. Chris howled with glee as bones snapped. She made a terrible noise behind her gag. Toby sobbed for all he‛d lost and imagined. The glimmer of hope had been extinguished, and he wanted to die again as she died in the dirt and the snow.

‟Toby! Can you hear me?‟

Toby grabbed Father Mukada. ‟She‛s dead!‟ He arched his back and his legs snapped into so many pieces. Schillinger yelled obscenities, and Chris‛s arms held him tightly. Her eyes had been so big, so frightened. His arms hurt and he wept for Chris. It didn‛t have to be that way. Poor Chris. He‛d never had a chance.

‟I could never love you!‟ Chris laughed and shoved Toby‛s head. Toby reached for him. Chris smiled, and suddenly it was Elliot. ‟Toby, please, fight it!‟

Toby clutched at the man that might be Chris but wasn‛t. ‟Hurts. He laughed at her! He laughed!‟

Another pain jolted Toby‛s arm, and he saw only the girl. Poor girl. He gasped at her agony and then things started to turn blacker. Chris grinned, and Toby watched him fade away.

*********

‟That was worse than yesterday,‟ Elliot said. He still held him, and he wouldn‛t feel guilty about it. Toby had put himself out there for them, and this was the result. ‟Much worse.‟

‟He was mixing her trauma with his own.‟ Huang snapped his bag shut. ‟Let‛s get him to the crib to sleep it off.‟

‟Munch, check for lawyers or press.‟ Elliot got to his feet. He wished Keller were alive so he could take a punch to the face.

‟Looks clear. You two move him. I‛ll run interference.‟

Elliot got one side and Huang the other. Toby wasn‛t heavy, and they put him down carefully on a cot. ‟Doc, is he going to be okay?‟

‟Yes. I‛ll do an evaluation when he wakes up, but I believe he‛s doing much better overall.‟

Elliot raised his eyebrows. He hoped the doc was right for once. ‟If you say so. I have things I have to do. I‛ll send someone up.‟

Huang nodded. ‟He‛ll sleep a good part of the day, and I‛ll check in with him frequently.‟

Elliot pulled Toby‛s shoes off, put his coat close by, and covered him with a blanket. ‟Part of me thinks he must be crazy to help us.‟

‟He still has a strong moral fiber. He‛ll protest, but he‛ll do what‛s right.‟

‟I gotta go.‟ Elliot put his head in the case. He‛d think about Toby later. If they were lucky, they‛d gather enough evidence now to make his testimony nothing more than the icing on the cake.

*********

Toby hit the floor before he was fully awake.

‟Tobias?‟

Toby lifted his weary head. ‟Yeah.‟ He pushed and sat on the cot, rubbing his face. Had a bus hit him? At least he knew where he was, not that that was a good thing.

‟Awake now?‟

Toby wanted Elliot, not Huang. ‟Yeah.‟ That was the only word that came to him. He lay back down and covered his face with his arm. There was no place he had to be, so he‛d stay right here and hope that Elliot held him again today. That had been the worst one ever, and he said a small prayer that he hadn‛t further damaged his fucked up brain.

‟Tobias, I know you‛re tired, but we need to discuss what happened.‟

Toby didn‛t move his arm. ‟If that happens in court, Novak is screwed.‟

‟We need to take the trauma out of the memory. Talk about it until you can handle it.‟ Huang wasn‛t going away. ‟The last thing you need is another flashback to haunt you.‟

‟No shit.‟ Toby still didn‛t get up. ‟Shouldn‛t we wait?‟

‟No, your mind is tired now. You‛re less liable to have another one.‟

Toby sighed heavily. He could see the sense in that, but there was a lot that Huang didn‛t know. ‟What do you want?‟

‟Tell me what happened.‟

Toby didn‛t want to relive it again. He sat up and tried to really look at him. ‟It‛s not the words, it‛s the images. My brain plays it like a movie. I can‛t control it.‟

‟We have to use the words to give you control over the images. The brain creates a groove, like a record, and we have to skip you out of it.‟ Huang was earnest.

‟Do they even make records any more?‟ Toby scrubbed his hands through his hair. ‟I gotta piss, and I‛m thirsty.‟

Huang got to his feet. Toby was stalling, but he wasn‛t all that good at facing down the traumas that he‛d forced away for years. Pretending that they hadn‛t happened had worked for him, until Chris had died. Or had it been all the Aryans? He walked sightlessly to the restroom. That done, he cleaned up and smoothed his hair behind his ears.

‟What time is it?‟

‟About six o‛clock.‟ Huang handed him a soda. ‟Let‛s go to my office.‟

‟Damn. I was hoping to avoid that.‟ Toby took a long drink. ‟But okay.‟ He followed along, wishing that Elliot would come around a corner, but he didn‛t. ‟Are you going to send me a bill?‟

Huang stopped and looked at him. ‟Can I?‟

‟Sure. Unless Novak is paying you.‟ Toby would do this, but it would end when he was finished, not Huang.

**********

Elliot had a brief moment of panic when Toby wasn‛t in the crib, but his coat was still there, so he hadn‛t fled the building. The coat was on the floor, and Elliot picked it up. He felt a crinkle that wasn‛t fabric. Curiosity got the better of him, and he slid his hand up and down the inner lining.

‟What are you doing?‟

Elliot turned and tried to look innocent. ‟Your coat was on the floor.‟ He held it out. Toby practically snatched it, and Elliot had some answers. ‟You‛re about due for a new one.‟

‟Rough winter.‟ Toby held it close. He looked stressed out, and Elliot sensed that Huang was behind that. Toby glared. ‟I saw Novak in the hallway. She wants me in lockup tonight.‟

‟That ain‛t happening,‟ Elliot said firmly. He hadn‛t liked it the first time, and Toby was much more fragile now. ‟Did you piss her off?‟

Toby shrugged. ‟She‛s freaking out. I didn‛t do shit.‟

Elliot wondered what Keane‛s lawyers had thrown at her today. This case might be over before they convened a grand jury. He still had his reports to do on the evidence that he‛d managed to find today - thanks to Toby.

‟Let‛s go find some food. You eat today?‟

‟Breakfast with Munch, remember?‟ Toby mumbled. He was putting on his coat and practically hiding in it. ‟I don‛t mind lockup. I‛m not a fucking pussy!‟

‟I mind.‟ Elliot herded him out and down the stairs to the squad room. ‟Captain, I‛m taking Beecher to dinner. We‛ll be back.‟

Cragen frowned. ‟My office. Beecher, find a seat.‟

Elliot watched Toby sit. Toby was close to falling-down tired. Elliot went to Cragen‛s office, determined to make this quick.

‟Did you see the news?‟ Cragen asked.

‟No. I was busy.‟

‟I have a tape.‟ Cragen put it in and they watched together.

Elliot wasn‛t surprised, but it was a problem. ‟So, Beecher‛s a homeless psycho that committed the murders and is now trying to pin them on Keane?‟

‟In a nutshell. He‛s an ex-con. Keane is squeaky clean.‟ Cragen sighed. ‟This is going to be very ugly. Novak wants Beecher here, in lockup, no arguments.‟

‟That‛s not going to happen. You know as well as I do that lockup isn‛t safe. One skinhead and Beecher could be dead.‟ Elliot shook his head. He was not backing down. ‟I‛ll take him home.‟

‟Elliot, he has a history of violence and alcohol abuse.‟

‟Which we knew before we wanted him for a witness!‟ Elliot wasn‛t scared of that shit. ‟Either Novak wants him or not, but we aren‛t punishing him for helping us out.‟

Cragen just looked at him. Elliot shook his head and pointed out the door. ‟My case, my witness, my decision.‟

‟I‛ll let you take the heat.‟ Cragen sat down at his desk. ‟I think you‛re nuts.‟

‟That makes two of us.‟ Elliot went out to get his witness. He‛d finish the paperwork tomorrow. Right now, he‛d take Toby home and get some food in him. Toby had his head down on the desk, and Elliot touched him gently on the shoulder. ‟Let‛s go.‟

Toby stumbled up, and Elliot had to steady him. Their eyes met, and Toby whispered, ‟I‛m not sure I can do this.‟

Elliot had no words to make it easier. Grabbing his coat, he got Toby moving towards the parking lot. They both shivered, and he drove quickly. He opened his door, and Toby went right to a chair and sat down hard. Elliot locked up, made sure the heat was on, and turned on a few lights. The place looked crappier than usual. Maybe because he hadn‛t been here for a day or two. He ordered Chinese from a place that delivered no matter what the weather.

‟You live here?‟ Toby sounded surprised.

Elliot shrugged. ‟I live at work. I change clothes here.‟

‟For some reason, I saw you as the type to have a house.‟ Toby hadn‛t taken off his coat.

‟Kathy got the house in the divorce.‟ Elliot took his coat off and hung it up. His cell phone rang, and he snapped it open. ‟Stabler.‟

‟Where are you and my witness?‟ Novak snapped.

‟At my apartment. I ordered Chinese.‟ Elliot knew he was walking a fine line, but they were doing this his way. ‟One skinhead in lockup and your witness is dead. He‛s safe here.‟

Novak said nothing for a long ten seconds. ‟He better be. If you think you were followed, find a hotel and get some backup.‟

Elliot heard real fear in her voice. ‟Keane‛s people?‟

‟Yes. We did some digging. People have a tendency to disappear when they disagree with him.‟

‟I‛ll keep him safe.‟ Elliot looked out the blinds on the front window but saw nothing suspicious. ‟We‛ll be in tomorrow morning.‟

‟Be careful, Elliot.‟ Novak clicked off. Elliot put his phone away and saw Toby‛s blue eyes looking straight through him.

Toby spoke softly. ‟Let me go.‟

‟Not an option.‟ Elliot would be damned if he‛d give in so easily to some rich bastard and a pack of Nazis. ‟How‛s your head?‟

‟Huang took it off, stuffed it full of bullshit, and put it on backwards.‟ Toby leaned over and rubbed his face. Elliot had to laugh softly. He was glad to see a small grin break out on Toby‛s face.

‟Elliot, you have any good news?‟

‟Got the shoes.‟ Elliot went to the fridge to find something to drink. There usually wasn‛t food, but he did have soda and beer. Beer was a bad idea. He might have to think fast. He got two sodas and handed one to Toby. ‟You did a good job there.‟

‟Stupid fucker. He did it to taunt you.‟ Toby slowly slipped out of his coat, but leaned back against it. ‟I know there was something else that could help, but it keeps slipping away.‟

Elliot wasn‛t going to push for it. That was a bad idea. ‟You need some food and sleep.‟

‟You may be right.‟ Toby shut his eyes. ‟When this is over, and hopefully it will end, I‛m going on vacation.‟

‟Sounds like a good idea.‟ Elliot checked the window again. He didn‛t think that Keane‛s people were stupid enough to kill a cop, but it didn‛t hurt to be careful. ‟We‛ll eat and then go find another place to sleep.‟

Toby was suddenly at the window. ‟A hotel is too easy to track. Why do you think I skip them?‟

‟I know a place or two that operates on cash. I‛m surprised you don‛t.‟

‟Those places are dangerous. I‛ve been raped enough, thank you very much.‟ Toby turned away and went back to sit.

Elliot wasn‛t sure what to say to that. Anger flooded through him. ‟I‛m going to watch out for you.‟

Toby said nothing, and Elliot stayed at the window until he saw the delivery man. Elliot pulled out his wallet, but Toby beat him to it.

‟I‛ll get the car.‟

Toby shook his head. ‟No. Shut it and lock it.‟ He had the food in his hands. ‟The back window. No car.‟

‟I can tell you‛ve done this before.‟ Elliot looked at his clothes. ‟Let me change and get us some clothes for tomorrow.‟

Toby nodded. He was digging in a sack. Elliot didn‛t take long, and he was lifting the window. They scooted out, went two blocks over, grabbed a cab, and ended up in a fleabag hotel. He was glad he‛d brought his gun. Toby crashed on the bed with the food. ‟I gotta eat.‟

Elliot threw all the locks. He thought they‛d been overly careful, but if it made Toby feel safe, it was worth it. The food smelled good, even if it wasn‛t as warm as it had been, and they passed the containers back and forth.

‟I told you I had an apartment, right?‟

Elliot nodded. ‟Yep.‟ He ate the last of the sesame chicken.

‟Two days after they threw me out, the building was torched.‟ Toby didn‛t look at him. ‟They found swastikas painted on doors.‟

Elliot didn‛t remember that. ‟Are you sure?‟

‟Read it in the paper. No, it wasn‛t a flashback to the time Em City was blown up.‟ Toby put his container down. ‟One bed. Two guys. You gonna freak out on me?‟

‟Shouldn‛t that be my question?‟ Elliot started cleaning up. By the time he was finished, Toby had crawled to a pillow and had his eyes shut. Elliot made sure his cell phone was charged, put his gun on the nightstand, and tried to relax. He needed some sleep.

‟Thanks,‟ Toby said very quietly.

Elliot wasn‛t sure what to say. He shut off the light and listened to Toby breathe. Tomorrow night they were staying at the precinct where it was safe. Abruptly, the realization that he could be hiding out with Toby for the next . . . how long could the case take? Elliot groaned softly, but he wasn‛t going to back down. Toby was not going to lockup.

*********

Toby heard the groan and had the feeling that Elliot had finally realized what he was up against. It had been bound to happen. Now there were two sets of people trying to kill him. He didn‛t mind if they succeeded, but what if Elliot were caught in the crossfire?

Sleep pushed at him, and he went, but his first thought on waking was where exactly he should run. Quietly, he eased off the bed. Elliot still slept, and Toby went to the window, his coat in his hands. The click was loud in the quiet, and he whirled.

‟What the fuck?‟

‟Come back to bed.‟ Elliot took Toby‛s coat and tossed it. Toby tugged at the cuff. Elliot smiled and clicked the other one on his own wrist. ‟I need more sleep.‟

Toby pointed at the restroom and refused to worry whether or not Elliot was embarassed. It was his own damn fault. Toby washed and pulled Elliot back to the bed. ‟They‛ll kill you.‟

Elliot laughed and it was out of place. ‟I‛m in charge here, and you‛re not going anywhere.‟

‟You know I‛m right.‟ Toby took the time to kick off his shoes. He was still tired, and he lay down on his back. Cold steel circled his wrist and Elliot lay right next to him. Toby had to say it once more. ‟I‛ll get you killed.‟

‟We‛re going to avoid the dead thing.‟

Toby nearly laughed. And they thought he was crazy. He tried his best to think of nothing, nothing, nothing, and the night crept over him. What woke him up was warmth. More warmth than he‛d felt in years, and he made sure that he didn‛t even twitch. Elliot‛s arm was heavy around him and they were spooned together. Toby was almost sure he could feel Elliot‛s breath on his neck. Safe at last - but it wouldn‛t last and he was going to stay awake to enjoy every moment of this stolen intimacy.

*********

Elliot heard the beeping, but he didn‛t want to get it. ‟Shit,‟ he grumbled. He needed some damn sleep! The beeping stopped, and he was glad. He flinched when ‛The Ride of the Valkyries‛ assaulted his eardrums.

‟Better get that.‟ Toby was laughing.

Elliot was wide-awake now, and he pushed Toby slightly away, only to have his arm jerked. ‟Oh, yeah.‟ He fumbled for his phone, the key, and the damn phone. Toby laughed some more, and Elliot flipped it open. ‟What?‟

‟Good morning. Where the hell are you?‟

‟Even I heard that.‟

‟Shut up,‟ Elliot said to Toby.

‟Excuse me?‟

‟Liv, I was talking to Toby.‟ Elliot tried to rub his face, but Toby didn‛t cooperate. ‟We‛re in a hotel.‟

‟You and Beecher are in the same room?‟

‟He tried to run.‟ Elliot glared at him. ‟We‛ll be in soon.‟

‟Your apartment‛s been trashed. I‛m here, looking for you, panicking!‟

‟Sorry.‟ Elliot had to start thinking. ‟We‛re fine. I‛ll meet you at the precinct. Just lock the door and walk away.‟

‟You‛re a messy guy. She could be mistaken,‟ Toby said.

‟I‛ll have them dust for prints. Maybe we‛ll get lucky.‟ She sighed. ‟Be careful.‟

‟Will do.‟ Elliot hung up. ‟Where‛s the key?‟

‟Like I know.‟ Toby was still lying down, his arm in the air. ‟Don‛t you carry it with you?‟

Elliot thought about it. ‟It‛s in my other pants.‟

‟At your trashed apartment.‟ Toby patted him on the leg. ‟I feel like I‛ve entrusted my life to a member of the Keystone Kops.‟

Elliot rolled his eyes. He wasn‛t that bad. ‟Let‛s go find coffee. We can shower at the house.‟

‟It‛s interesting that you call it a house. Are you homeless, Elliot?‟ Toby still hadn‛t sat up, but his blue eyes were intense.

‟Have been ever since Kathy divorced me. Twenty years just thrown away.‟ Elliot was apppalled at what he‛s said, even if it was the truth. He swallowed hard and tried to make a joke. ‟And you thought you had it bad.‟

Toby clasped Elliot‛s hand. ‟I guess my benchmark will be ‛as long as I‛m not living at a police station - things aren‛t that bad.‛‟

‟Exactly. Tonight, we‛ll use the crib.‟ Elliot pulled him up. ‟Let‛s move.‟

********

Toby shivered when they stepped out into the cold morning. Putting on his coat wasn‛t an option. Elliot walked faster, and Toby rushed to keep up. Getting in the car made him laugh, and he hoped that Munch never let Elliot live this down. They went through the drive-thru at some donut shop. The coffee was pretty good though, and Toby let Elliot drag their arms up and down.

‟You seem to be enjoying this a little too much.‟

‟I‛m used to cuffs.‟ Toby grinned. ‟This is more fun than usual though.‟

Elliot snorted. ‟Tons of fun. I don‛t know what‛s in store for us today so tell your brain to hang on.‟

‟Drop me anywhere.‟ Toby wasn‛t looking forward to another day at the precinct, but he had no choice. It was slightly better than freezing his ass off, but much worse than working for Davey. Elliot parked, and they bumbled their way out and into the squad room. Novak was already there and breathing fire. Toby took the coward‛s way and stepped slightly behind Elliot‛s broad back. Chris‛s had been bigger, but Elliot was a tiny bit taller.

‟What happened?‟ Novak snapped.

‟We went to my place, ordered food, and took it to a fleabag hotel where I paid in cash.‟ Elliot sipped his coffee. He was playing it cool. ‟Why?‟

‟Keane‛s bail hearing is in two hours. I want remand. Do you think his people wrecked your apartment?‟ Novak should probably lay off the caffeine. Toby made sure not to laugh at her, but he was giggling on the inside.

‟It was him or the Nazis. Munch! Any movement on the internet about Beecher?‟

Munch didn‛t answer immediately. Finally, he said, ‟There‛s talk he‛s been arrested.‟

Toby shut his eyes and refused to think. No thinking. He breathed. Elliot cursed, ‟Damn. Casey, you need to push this case through the system.‟

‟Before I get killed,‟ Toby said. He didn‛t shout it. It wasn‛t all that important.

Novak had more to talk about. ‟Why the cuffs?‟

‟I tried to run,‟ Toby jumped in before Elliot could say anything, peeking around him. ‟He caught me.‟

‟After this case, I want a vacation.‟ Novak rubbed her forehead and glared at him. ‟Worst witness ever and I‛ve seen it all.‟

‟Munch, could you find some keys please? I left mine at the apartment.‟ Elliot held up their arms.

Novak went straight to Cragen‛s office, and Elliot tugged Toby. ‟You screwed up. She‛ll push hard for you to be in a cell tonight.‟

Toby would much rather fall asleep in Elliot‛s arms, but he shrugged. Munch took the cuffs off and laughed softly. ‟You forgot the key? The cop union better never hear about this!‟

‟They‛ll throw me out.‟ Elliot smiled. Toby seemed to sink into it. He wanted to pull that mouth down on his and die from lack of oxygen.

‟My office, both of you.‟ Cragen looked angry. Toby took a step with Elliot, and Cragen shook his head. ‟Not you. Munch and Elliot. Put him in a cage. Now.‟

Elliot sighed. ‟Fin, get Toby some coffee and put him in here.‟

‟Will do.‟ Fin stepped right up to Toby‛s face. Toby went with him without protest or long looks at Elliot. There were a few cages at one end of the squad room, and they were empty. Fin locked him in and asked, ‟Cream? Sugar?‟

‟Both, please.‟ Toby noticed the lack of furniture. These cells were for that fifteen minute stay that always made people tell the truth, unless they were guilty. He sat down, used his coat to lean against, and whispered, ‟It‛s not a cell. It‛s not a cell.‟

Five minutes later, Fin unlocked the door and handed him some coffee. Toby took it, instead of knocking him down and running away.

‟You okay?‟

Toby didn‛t try to smile reassuringly. He was right on the edge, and he knew it. ‟Thanks.‟

Fin nodded and locked him inside. Toby focused on the coffee cup. He breathed. This was nothing. No one could get him in here, and Elliot wasn‛t too far away. The Nazis were on his trail now. They‛d catch up with him soon. He could only hope no one died when they showed their ugly faces. They would never give up. The only thing that would satisfy them was his death. Chris really had fucked him over. Oh, his intentions had been good, but he‛d underestimated their ability to breed like the rats they were. Chris‛s heart had been in the right place, and Toby didn‛t blame him for trying.

‟Are you Tobias Beecher?‟

Toby flashed to his feet and put his back to the wall. ‟Elliot!‟ he yelled as loud as possible. His vocal cords strained and he dug his fingers into the bricks behind him. Bricks. No. Not now. He bared his teeth and fought the wave of panic.

‟Who the hell are you?‟ Elliot‛s voice was loud.

‟Lawyer for Mr. Keane. I‛d like a word with Mr. Beecher.‟

‟No. You‛ll have chance when he‛s on the stand. Get out.‟ Elliot sounded angry.

Toby pushed at the black. He would not do this. His brain would not betray him now. ‟No, Chris. Not now. Later,‟ he whispered. Chris‛s grin flashed in front of Toby‛s eyes and was gone. Toby could see the scumbag lawyer again. ‟Leave me the fuck alone!‟

‟Belligerent witness.‟ The lawyer laughed. ‟He looks crazy.‟

Novak and Elliot combined to drive the fucker away, and Toby sat back down. He put his head on his knees and rocked. He hadn‛t had an attack. He‛d won that round, but it felt like a hollow victory. Chris and Vern and all the Oz boys would be back. The lawyer was right. Toby was crazy. His testimony was worthless.

‟His mental state is precarious! Putting him in a cage makes it that much harder for him to sit on the stand and give clear testimony!‟

Toby looked up at Huang, who was clearly angry at Elliot. The black raced at him, and he went down hard. It all happened in slow motion this time. The car pulled into the alley, the door opened, and she gave out a muffled cry. Duct tape was over her mouth. Toby almost ran, but his feet refused to move. Keane slammed her into the wall. She didn‛t fight. She should have, but she didn‛t.

‟Dirty slut. You‛re nothing but trash.‟

Toby cowered, and she made a high-pitched noise as she was raped. He hid his face. He cried for her, but he didn‛t make a sound. Keane yanked her head back and sliced. The knife gleamed in the morning sun. Toby bit his hand. She died. Keane fixed his pants, ripped the tape off her mouth, and went back to the car. Bleach ran all over her, and Toby looked away.

‟Bitch.‟ Keane laughed and laughed. He opened the trunk, and Toby tilted his head to get a better look. There was something wrong. He took two steps and crouched down to look up.

‟Toby!‟

Toby ran to hide, and he cried for her, but Elliot had found him. Found him.

‟Let me get my bag!‟

Toby snapped his eyes open. ‟Elliot!‟

Elliot was there. He was. ‟It‛s okay, Toby. Hang on.‟

‟No.‟ Toby grabbed him by the arms and held on tightly. ‟His car - the one I gave you the tag number for - has a secret compartment in the trunk. I saw him stash the knife in there. I saw it!‟

‟I‛ll get a warrant.‟

Elliot pulled him closer. ‟Breathe. It‛s okay.‟

‟Can I sit down?‟

‟You are.‟

‟Oh.‟ Toby looked him right in the face. Keane was more important than him sitting and sobbing. ‟Go do your job. I‛ll be fine.‟

‟But-‟

‟Go.‟ Toby pulled himself away. He found his coat and put it on, wrapping himself tightly. Elliot strode away, but he looked back once.

Cragen crouched down next to him. ‟You‛re sure?‟

‟Positive. He hid the knife, the bleach, and the duct tape that he ripped off her mouth in there.‟ Toby was tired now. He usually was after the bad attacks, and this one had been awful. ‟I think she was drugged.‟

‟She was.‟ Cragen got to his feet. ‟Thank you.‟

Toby nodded. He had to rest, and this patch of concrete would do fine. His eyes fluttered shut and dimly he heard Huang say, ‟Help me get him back up to the crib.‟

‟Will do.‟

Toby tried to help, but his feet felt very far away. He was glad when he was flat again. There was a prick on his arm, and he didn‛t care. He had to sleep.

*********

‟We got him,‟ Elliot said. ‟He‛s gonna fry.‟

Warner nodded. ‟I may ask to be the attending physician.‟

‟Take a number,‟ Munch said. ‟Now we only have one problem left.‟

‟What?‟ Elliot frowned. He hadn‛t screwed this search up.

‟How to get the Aryans off Beecher‛s ass.‟ Munch put on his hat.

Elliot waved to Warner. She‛d done a great job, and he might bring her flowers next time. He had an idea on how to help out their shiksa. ‟Munch, accidents happen in jail all the time. Tobias Beecher might have to have one.‟

‟Think he‛ll mind if we kill him?‟

‟I doubt that he will. The only question we have to ask ourselves is how much fraud we‛re willing to commit.‟ Elliot was worried about that.

Munch smiled. ‟We‛ll get Novak‛s help. She owes the shiksa a big one.‟

‟That she does.‟ Elliot laughed, relief was setting in. ‟He did cut his hair.‟

‟Not all that much.‟

*********

Toby groaned. ‟Who was driving the bus that hit me?‟

‟I was,‟ Huang said.

Toby didn‛t protest as his vital signs were taken. ‟I‛d like to go a day without you sedating me.‟

‟We can try.‟ Huang helped him sit up. ‟Let me check your eyes.‟

‟They‛re crossed.‟ Toby gently pushed him away. ‟What day is it?‟

‟Same day, but it‛s the evening now.‟ Huang took a step back. ‟Are you ready for a drug regimen? There‛s one that Dr. Nathan didn‛t try, because of the cost. It‛s called Effexor, and I think it will be effective.‟

‟Yes.‟ Toby held out his hand. He had to have some help fighting off his hyper memories. He saw that clearly now. ‟Please and thank you.‟

Huang opened his bag. ‟What convinced you?‟

Toby didn‛t tell him that it had been Elliot‛s frightened eyes that had made the difference. ‟I want to die without seeing my entire life flash before my eyes.‟

‟We‛ll start with a low dosage.‟

Toby just took the capsule. He did hope that the side effects were mild. Elliot came through the door, and his eyes were bright and shining. That told Toby everything he needed to know about the case.

‟How is he?‟

‟I‛m fine.‟ Toby forestalled Huang‛s medical diagnosis. ‟I needed a nap, and now, for some reason, I‛m starved.‟

Huang spoke up. ‟Tobias, I want you in my office tomorrow at ten a.m. for a session. I‛ll take blood then and we‛ll decide on how we‛re going to proceed with the Effexor.‟

‟If Elliot lets me out of lockup, I‛ll be there.‟ Toby stood and stretched. Huang left them, and Elliot pulled Toby into a hug as soon as the door shut. Toby sank into it. ‟That feels good.‟

‟We got him. We‛d have never spotted the compartment without your help.‟ Elliot gave him a squeeze. ‟Now, if it‛s okay with you, Munch and I want to kill you.‟

‟Good. I‛m sick of this place.‟ Toby smiled. He wasn‛t worried, and he wanted to stare at that smile forever. ‟Can I eat first?‟

‟I got a pizza or two. Come on.‟ Elliot took him to a lounge that had pizza, soda, Munch, and Novak. Toby helped himself before it was all gone. He didn‛t talk, but he listened as they discussed his upcoming murder.

‟Technically, it‛s not fraud if his heirs claim no financial reward.‟ Novak wiped her mouth. ‟And no death certificate is filed, and no insurance companies pay up.‟

‟We‛ll stage it, send the pics to the website, and the shiksa can disappear again.‟

‟After I plead this case out. Give it a week.‟ Novak nodded. ‟And Elliot, the death penalty was never an option. He‛ll get life without parole.‟

Toby didn‛t get the distinction. ‟Why not?‟

‟His lawyers are good enough to tie this up forever, but if I take it off the table, he‛ll go away without a fuss. It‛s how the game is played.‟

‟And it sucks,‟ Elliot growled. ‟If he were a homeless guy, we‛d give him the needle and clap each other on the back.‟

‟Or if he were Black,‟ Toby said. He didn‛t advocate the death penalty because he knew the reality of it. ‟Get him sent to Oz. I‛ll make a phone call, and he‛ll find out what ass rape is all about.‟

‟I didn‛t hear that.‟ Novak threw up her hand. She gathered her things. ‟And I don‛t want to know what prank you three pull on the Aryan Nation.‟

‟We‛ll remember that,‟ Munch said. No one said anything else until the door was shut.

‟Toby, you need to get another identity.‟ Elliot leaned closer to him.

Munch nodded. ‟We can‛t help you, but we know some guys that can - for a price.‟

Toby laughed softly. ‟Let‛s not worry about that, okay? You two worry about keeping me alive long enough to kill me.‟

Elliot narrowed his eyes, but the door burst open, and Benson grabbed a piece of pizza. ‟What‛s going on?‟

‟We‛re celebrating. Glad you could make it.‟ Elliot smiled at her. ‟How bad is my apartment?‟

‟I‛m not helping clean it up, and I recommend a dumpster and a shovel at this point.‟ Benson sat down. ‟Good news is that we found prints.‟

Munch and Elliot both furrowed their brows, and Toby had no idea why she was stalling. ‟Mine?‟

‟Some Nazi skel that just got out of Oz. We picked him up. He‛s on his way back.‟ Benson grabbed a soda. ‟That‛s the good news. The bad news is that they must be watching the station.‟

‟Shit,‟ Elliot said loudly. ‟I want to go home someday!‟

‟Go on.‟ Toby leaned back and stretched. ‟I‛ll slip out the back.‟

‟Novak would kill me,‟ Elliot grumbled. ‟And Huang. Any ideas, Munch?‟

Munch shrugged. Benson kept on eating. At that point, Cragen and Fin joined the party, and Toby scooted his chair back into the corner. He watched and smiled as they poked fun at each other.

‟So, Elliot shows up this morning, cuffed to Beecher!‟ Munch laughed. ‟Novak about blew a gasket.‟

‟He tried to escape!‟ But Elliot laughed. ‟Not my fault I forgot the key.‟

Cragen grinned. ‟That‛s got to be a demerit of some sort.‟

Toby laughed softly with them. ‟You should have seen his face when I had to piss!‟

Elliot turned bright red, and the laughter got louder. Toby grinned at Elliot‛s glare. He settled back and relaxed. He was safe tonight, and it felt good.

*********

Elliot was more worried than he let on. If the Aryans were watching the precinct, that was just one step from walking through the doors, and it was possible to sneak a weapon inside. Not likely, but possible. When the food was gone, and everyone had quit laughing at him, he grabbed Toby by the shoulder.

‟Shower?‟

‟Thinking about drowning me?‟

‟Yes.‟ Elliot raised his eyebrow. ‟Making me look bad in front of my homies.‟

Toby laughed. ‟You can‛t look worse than I did today.‟

Elliot didn‛t think that was true, but he knew his words wouldn‛t change Toby‛s mind. They walked to the locker room together, and Elliot dug out the bag of clothes. He needed a shower too, but he wasn‛t completely sure about taking one with Toby, who thought the shower was a dangerous place, and in Oz it had been.

‟It‛s okay, Elliot. I‛m not going to freak out on you.‟

Elliot wondered how Toby always knew what he was thinking. ‟You‛ve had a long day. I don‛t want to make it worse.‟

‟You won‛t.‟ Toby stripped off his sweatshirt. ‟Thanks for coming when I screamed like a girl.‟

‟I about pissed myself.‟ Elliot rolled his shoulders and worked the kinks out before taking his shirt off. He‛d keep his eyes to himself. He‛d had plenty of practice in the military. Flinching from the touch, he found himself staring into Toby‛s wide eyes. ‟What?‟

‟You sure you‛re not him?‟ Toby stroked his hand down Elliot‛s tattooed arm.

Elliot heard pain, anger, and just a touch of hope. He held out his other arm. ‟Did he have this one?‟

‟No,‟ Toby whispered, ‟and you‛re nicer than he ever was, but I loved him.‟

Elliot nodded and didn‛t push him away. There was no fear between them, and he wasn‛t angry about a dead man. Toby suddenly seemed to wake up, and he stripped off the rest of his clothes. Elliot found him a towel and he was gone behind the partition. Waiting would be smart, but Elliot didn‛t feel smart. He pushed off his jeans and went after him. The water felt good, and he washed away the sweat from getting the search absolutely lawyer-proof.

‟Crib tonight okay with you?‟

‟If I leave, I‛m not taking you with me.‟

Elliot would remember that. ‟I need to check on your status.‟

‟Look under N for nuts.‟ Toby grinned.

‟Will you be heading back to Davey‛s or are you planning to disappear?‟ Elliot tried to sound nonchalant. He also tried to ignore the sudden increase in his heartbeat and the slight ache in his chest.

Toby didn‛t answer until Elliot looked at him. ‟I never thought I could have a life again, and Huang is going to want to see me regularly. I don‛t know what to do.‟

‟I could help.‟ Elliot wished for those words back when he saw the look on Toby‛s face. ‟Or not. Forget it.‟ He found the shampoo and worked on his hair. He‛d keep his mouth shut from now on and let it play out. His eyes screwed shut, he flinched when soapy hands touched his back. Toby didn‛t say anything, and he didn‛t linger, but when the soap was out of Elliot‛s face, he was much cleaner.

‟Do you mind it when I touch you?‟ Toby‛s blue eyes wanted the truth.

Elliot choked on the truth. He wasn‛t afraid. It was just that he‛d never ridden that particular bicycle. He‛d been married or too busy to look, but Toby had fallen into Elliot‛s life and he was honest enough to admit that now he was thinking about it. He pushed the shampoo at Toby.

‟Here, shiksa.‟

Toby took it without a further word, and Elliot waited almost too long before soaping him. The soap ran in rivulets down Toby‛s back and Elliot kept his hands in safe zones. He wasn‛t ready to really hold him, but it was coming.

"Do you mind when I touch you?‟

‟No,‟ Toby said harshly. He rinsed quickly and was gone from the showers without another word. Elliot turned off the water and followed after him. Toby was rooting around in the bag. ‟I‛m taking the sweats.‟

‟Thought you would.‟ Elliot kept his towel around his hips. ‟I threw some extra boxers in there.‟

‟You wear briefs.‟

‟Yeah, but you don‛t.‟ Elliot could wish that he wasn‛t a details man. He sat down on the bench and waited his turn. ‟How‛s your head?‟

‟Not bad.‟ Toby found the T-shirt that said ‛NYPD‛ on it and threw it at him. ‟Shit, another one?‟

‟They‛re free. I have a few.‟ Elliot laughed and slid it on. He caught the briefs that Toby tossed. Jeans, socks, and shoes: and he was done. He went to the mirror and brushed his hair. Toby needed the brush next, and they were as good as it was going to get.

‟I slept all day.‟ Toby was staring in the mirror. ‟And I‛m still tired. You?‟

‟I could use some sleep.‟ Elliot went to find his cell phone, badge, and gun. He had one important question to ask. Catching Toby by the arm, Elliot pulled him into a tight embrace. ‟Tobias, do I need to cuff us together tonight?‟

Toby buried his face into Elliot‛s neck. ‟Can I say yes?‟

Elliot laughed softly and kissed him on the forehead, praying that no one stepped inside the locker room. ‟It ain‛t healthy for you out there. Stay with me, okay?‟

‟For now.‟ Toby‛s hands flexed into Elliot‛s back. ‟I can‛t live here forever.‟

Elliot broke away; his palms were starting to sweat, his breath had caught in his throat, and he had a throbbing in his jeans. ‟A couple more days.‟

Toby shrugged, and Elliot started for the squad room. Munch looked up and said, ‟It‛s a little cold for softball, isn‛t it?‟

‟Shut up, John.‟ Elliot sat down at his desk. They needed a plan. ‟Toby, you feel up to looking at some websites with us?‟

Toby pulled up a chair. ‟Yeah. My brain‛s okay.‟

Elliot made room so Munch could see the screen.

‟This can‛t be good, but ignorance is bliss,‟ Cragen muttered as he walked past.

********

When he was sure that Elliot was asleep, really asleep, Toby slipped off his cot and padded down to the squad room. It was deserted, and he sat down in front of Elliot‛s computer. He read the news and did some research on the drug Effexor. So far, he‛d had nothing but a bit of dry mouth, and he could live with that. He sent Davey an email at the deli, thanking him for everything.

‟Can‛t sleep?‟

Toby whirled the chair around and surged to his feet. ‟Don‛t you ever go home?‟

‟Yes, but I was concerned you might need me tonight,‟ Huang said softly. ‟Sit down. I‛m sorry I startled you.‟

Toby sat down and rubbed his face. ‟It‛s okay.‟

‟Are you worried?‟

Toby shrugged. He wasn‛t in the mood to have his head shrunk again. ‟Being dead probably isn‛t any worse than Oz or living on the streets.‟

Huang smiled. ‟Do you really believe that?‟

Toby turned back to the computer. ‟Not sure. You tell me something - why doesn‛t Elliot have a life?‟

‟You should discuss that with him. You care for him, don‛t you?‟ Huang found a place to sit. He was settling in for a session. Toby had seen it before. He could go upstairs and back to sleep, but he wasn‛t tired enough. Sleeping all day would do that. Huang looked calm, and he said, ‟I spoke to Sister Peter Marie. She was relieved to hear that you were getting some help.‟

‟I‛m glad I missed that conversation.‟ Toby hated to think what she‛d said about him - about his obsession with Chris. ‟She hated Chris.‟

Huang said nothing for a moment. ‟You were a heroin addict.‟

‟Yes.‟ Toby left it at that. ‟Brain damage is such fun. You should try it.‟

Huang was silent, and Toby was glad. The computer made a noise, and Toby quickly followed the prompts. He drew in a deep breath. ‟Shit.‟

‟Do you know where your family is?‟

‟No.‟ Toby shook his head. ‟Maybe Europe, but maybe not. I was too afraid that they would try to make me tell.‟

‟Tobias, you need your family.‟

Toby watched the chat room progress. They were coming to kill him, and they were laughing already. ‟All that‛s left is my brother and my two children. I refuse to get them killed, and the Aryans can get it done.‟

‟But what about you?‟

Toby smiled and pointed. ‟I‛m as good as dead.‟ He got to his feet. Elliot would see all this when he came down in the morning. ‟Go home, Doc. I‛m doing okay.‟

Huang stood also. ‟Start thinking about your future. You‛re going to have one.‟

Toby doubted that. He went quietly up to the crib and lay down. There was a chance, but he wasn‛t going to count on it. Elliot grumbled something, and Toby smiled over at him. No matter what happened, he was very glad he‛d met Elliot Stabler.

*********

‟Elliot! My office!‟

Elliot took his straw to chew. ‟What‛s up?‟

Cragen sat down before answering. ‟What‛s your plan concerning Beecher? Is he going to live here from now on?‟

‟I could throw him in lockup.‟ Elliot rolled his eyes. ‟I‛m working on it. Novak wants him available for another couple of days.‟

‟Keane‛s on the run.‟ Cragen waved his hand. ‟And Beecher can‛t hide in here forever.‟

‟Got it.‟ Elliot went back out to his desk. Toby was gone.

Munch strolled over. ‟Huang took him.‟

‟Poor guy. I bet he‛d prefer lockup.‟ Elliot sighed. ‟We have to pretend-kill him soon. The natives are getting restless.‟

‟The Aryans too. They want him bad.‟ Munch frowned. ‟Let‛s do it. I‛ll call a buddy of mine that‛s magic with a camera.‟

Elliot considered all the angles. ‟Tonight, and then we‛ll smuggle him out to Davey‛s.‟

‟How?‟ Munch raised his eyebrows. ‟He can‛t fit in a bread box.‟

‟No.‟ Elliot suddenly smiled. That would work. ‟We‛ll ask Fin to take him out through the garage.‟

‟In the trunk?‟

‟Why not?‟ Elliot planned to be in it with him. ‟Fin can dump him somewhere, and he‛ll catch a cab to Davey‛s.‟

Munch nodded. ‟And you?‟

‟I‛ll go with him. Just to be sure.‟ Elliot pointed at the computer. ‟Let‛s hope none of those idiots are in this house.‟

‟Yes, let‛s. Oh, and he needs a new coat.‟ Munch took the mouse and clicked. ‟See the new picture?‟

Elliot leaned. ‟Shit. Did that lawyer have a camera phone?‟

‟Someone did.‟

Elliot rubbed his eyes. Toby needed his moustache back. Hell, he needed a new look. ‟Hair dye?‟

‟I‛ll get some. You find him a coat.‟ Munch went back to his desk. Elliot found his notepad and made a list. They‛d need an ambulance too - just for show. Luckily, he had some friends at the hospital. Killing someone required a bit of planning.

*********

Toby hit the wall hard. He was sure he heard his brain hit the side of his skull. ‟Stupid fucking Nazi!‟

‟You‛re dead, bitch boy!‟

Toby wasn‛t impressed with that insult. He wiped his mouth. To get out of the restroom, he had to get past this huge Nazi, and that wasn‛t going to be easy. A big fist lashed out at him, and he ducked under. ‟Pussy,‟ he muttered and punched him in the guts. He reached deep and tapped his inner crazy man on the shoulder. ‟Go wild,‟ he whispered.

‟Toby! Toby! That‛s enough!‟

Toby fought until it dawned on him that it was Elliot that had hold of him. It had to be. Chris was dead. ‟You sure? He‛s still moving.‟

‟Not much!‟ Elliot had him around the chest and pulled him out into the hallway. ‟Settle down!‟

Toby stopped - completely. He put his arms up. ‟I‛m good.‟

Elliot released him. ‟Sit down!‟

Toby thumped down on his butt, putting his hands on his head. Actions spoke louder than words with cops. Munch and Fin came running, and Toby watched all of them go in the restroom. He breathed hard and tried to shove away all the anger and pain and anger. His belly quivered and he grinned. That Nazi had learned a lesson - prags were dangerous.

Elliot came out and grabbed him up. ‟Crib. Now!‟

Toby didn‛t fight about it. He kept his hands on his head during the walk there and put his ass on a cot. ‟I‛m down.‟

‟Stay put.‟ Elliot went back out fast, and Toby took a very deep breath. Charges for assault were possible, but for some reason, it only made him smile. He‛d kicked some Nazi ass, and wow, it felt good. He felt his mouth, flinched, and laughed as he lay down. Now, he could die happy.

********

‟Well, he‛ll never press charges,‟ Fin said and shook his head. ‟What a damn wimp.‟

‟But he looked tough,‟ Munch said.

Elliot still couldn‛t quite believe what had happened. ‟He looks like he got hit by a bus.‟

‟Yeah, a prison bus.‟ Fin walked off, laughing. Munch went with him. Elliot wasn‛t laughing because the guy had gotten in the precinct. There would be more. He strode into the crib and put his hands on his hips.

‟Whoa - Detective Stabler is here.‟ Toby sat up and put his back to the wall. ‟Am I under arrest?‟

Elliot let him worry for a minute, but he didn‛t look worried. He looked somewhat smug. Well, he had taken out a guy twice his size. Elliot groaned. ‟Can‛t you try to look a little guilty?‟

‟For defending myself against an Aryan fuck?‟ Toby frowned now. ‟Not damn likely.‟

Elliot went ahead and rubbed his face. He sat down on a cot. ‟Elliot Stabler, nice to meet ya.‟

‟Crazy Toby.‟ Toby stepped close and put out his hand. Elliot shook it, but he stared into Toby‛s eyes. Toby grinned. ‟Big shank, remember?‟

‟It had slipped my mind.‟ Elliot got up so they were too close - their hands still linked. ‟Stay in here, okay? No more chances tonight.‟

Toby licked his lower lip. It was swollen. ‟If you want.‟

Elliot came to the conclusion that Toby would do it for him, but no one else. It was alarming. ‟I have to get wheels turning. Please, stay here.‟

Toby nodded. He took a deep breath. ‟It‛s time for me to go.‟

‟I‛m working on it. Trust me.‟ Elliot pulled, but not all that much, and Toby came all the way to him. It felt good to hold him. ‟Your head?‟

‟Nothing so far.‟ Toby seemed to quiver. ‟I trust you.‟

Elliot hoped so. Tonight was going to be a long one.

********

‟In here?‟ Toby‛s feet balked.

Elliot opened the cell door. ‟I won‛t shut it. Pictures and we‛re out.‟

Toby rubbed his chest. He did trust Elliot, but it was going to be tested tonight. ‟How am I offing myself?‟

‟Hanging, of course.‟

Toby glared at Munch. ‟Don‛t even smile.‟

Elliot got Toby‛s attention again. ‟Ted, make him look good and dead.‟

‟Will do.‟ Ted didn‛t smile, and that was reassuring. ‟You two get out so I can get the camera angles right. How are you posting these?‟

‟Elliot made a Photobucket account under the name NaziCop. We‛ll post the link in the chat rooms.‟ Munch got out of the cell. ‟If someone traces it back to this precinct, it‛ll look more real.‟

Ted nodded, and Toby kept his eye on the door. His brain was quiet today, which was a small miracle considering what had happened in the restroom. ‟How are we doing this?‟

Elliot helped them out there. It took a few minutes to rig up a proper noose out of a sheet, and Toby thought he might pass out when Elliot settled it around him.

‟Only you, Elliot Stabler,‟ Toby whispered.

‟I know. This won‛t take long.‟ Elliot made all the knots tight. ‟Ted, he‛s all yours.‟

Toby flinched once when Ted touched him, but he did what he was told without grumbling. He had no idea if it looked realistic, but his neck ached when it was over.

Elliot snapped open his phone. ‟Fin, roll the ambulance.‟

Toby got out of the cell fast. ‟Now what?‟

‟Ted, you‛re with me,‟ Elliot said, ‟and Munch, do your thing.‟

Munch dropped his arm around Toby‛s shoulders. ‟Have you always been a blond?‟

‟Well, yeah.‟ Toby rubbed his neck and wished he were going with Elliot. Munch laughed. Toby wasn‛t sure he wanted to know what was going on, and an hour later when he saw himself in the mirror, he knew he‛d fucked up. ‟I look stupid.‟

‟You look fine. It‛s brown, not black.‟ Munch washed his hands. Toby stared and sighed. It did look natural, but he looked ridiculous. Munch dried off and came over to inspect it. ‟My second wife would be proud.‟

‟I‛m not sure this is something to brag about.‟ Toby turned from the mirror. It didn‛t matter. ‟What now?‟

‟Let‛s check with Elliot.‟ Munch led the way to the squad room.

Elliot did a double take. ‟He looks completely different.‟

‟I haven‛t lost my touch.‟

‟Both of you shut up.‟ Toby didn‛t touch his hair. ‟Am I dead yet?‟

Elliot clicked and pointed. ‟Yes. Look.‟

Toby looked and wished he hadn‛t. ‟I‛m dead.‟

‟Very dead.‟ Elliot shut the window. ‟Okay, now we get you out of here without anyone seeing you.‟

Toby nodded. ‟I have to get my coat.‟

‟You can‛t. It‛s posted on a website.‟ Elliot shook his head. ‟I bought you a new one.‟ He lifted a coat off the back of his chair. Toby took it slowly. It was a ski jacket and a nice one. He knew it would fit, but he had to get his old one. Elliot followed him up to the crib, and he hesitated.

‟Toby, just empty it out.‟

‟Well, okay, but you‛re a cop.‟

‟I‛ll look the other way.‟

Toby took out the money first, a few letters from Chris, the pictures of his family, and then his fake I.D. and all the papers that went with it. He found places for everything in the new coat. ‟Thanks. This is nice.‟

Elliot came over and sat down next to him. ‟Who are you?‟

Toby felt a spurt of panic, but he would trust him. ‟Chris Keller,‟ he whispered.

‟Why didn‛t you just get out of the city?‟ Elliot‛s voice was low and soft.

‟The attacks made it impossible to function for any length of time. An airplane? Impossible. Even a bus was a stretch.‟ Toby had no way to explain the pain and the confusion that had kept him on the streets. ‟I only used it to open a bank account.‟

‟How much?‟ Elliot tilted his head to the side. ‟Do I need to worry?‟

‟No, you don‛t. My brother dumped a shit load of money in my Oz account right before they fled the country.‟ Toby had thought it was too much, but there was no one to argue with. ‟I bought a false identity, rented an apartment, and then everything went to shit.‟

Elliot put his arm around him. ‟And now?‟

‟One step at a time. Get me out of here.‟ Toby leaned into him. ‟I will miss you.‟

‟It‛ll be quiet around here - that‛s for sure.‟ Elliot ran his thumb over Toby‛s swollen lip. ‟Be safe, okay?‟

‟I‛ll do my best. Sorry I can‛t clean up your apartment.‟ Toby still felt guilty about that.

Elliot laughed. ‟I‛ll send you the bill.‟

Toby smiled. ‟Do that.‟ He caught Elliot‛s hand and asked for more, even though he knew it was a long shot. ‟Kiss me once?‟

Elliot looked at the door. ‟Better not.‟ He pulled away slowly, and Toby stood up with him. Elliot took the old coat. ‟This is going to the dumpster.‟

‟I want my shank.‟ Toby followed him back downstairs. Elliot pointed at a chair, and Toby sat down to wait. There was a conversation between Munch, Fin, and Elliot. Munch took the old coat and walked out. Fin went off in another direction, and Elliot started rummaging in his desk. Toby could hear him mumbling.

‟You lost it?‟

‟I know I put it somewhere.‟ Elliot frowned. ‟Oh, yeah.‟ He went to a row of lockers. Opening one up, he looked inside. ‟Yep.‟ He took it out. ‟I‛ll give it to you later.‟

Toby knew better than to protest. Elliot put his coat on, and Toby followed him through the precinct and down another flight of stairs. ‟I can really leave?‟

‟Don‛t sound so thrilled. You‛ll hurt my feelings.‟ Elliot laughed and threw open a door. ‟There‛s Fin.‟

‟I know it‛s dark, but aren‛t you worried they‛ll see us?‟

Elliot stopped at the car. It was a Toyota of some sort, and Toby took a step back when the trunk popped open. Elliot smiled. ‟We‛re not taking any chances. Fin is going to stop right outside and talk to some friends to give them a chance to take a look if they want.‟

Toby shook his head, but he knew he‛d do it. ‟Fuck.‟

‟Trust me one more time and we‛re done.‟ Elliot put his foot on the bumper. Toby sidled over to him and rolled in the trunk before his good sense sent him running out of the building.

‟You sure, Elliot?‟ Fin asked.

‟Yep,‟ Elliot crawled inside, and Toby nearly hit his head on the roof when it slammed.

‟Tight fit.‟ Toby grunted and tried to find room for all his parts. Elliot was closer than a man should be unless they planned to fuck. Toby gave up and stopped moving. Elliot shifted around. It was completely dark, and Toby was glad he couldn‛t see Elliot‛s face.

Elliot‛s lips met Toby‛s jaw. ‟Not quite right,‟ he said softly. Toby flinched from surprise, but didn‛t hesitate. He groaned and moved so their lips could touch. He wanted a thousand kisses, but would settle for one. Elliot hadn‛t kissed him yet.

‟You only wanted one?‟ Elliot whispered.

Toby smiled in the dark. ‟One thousand,‟ he whispered back. He made sure not to moan and squirm, but he enjoyed every kiss, every tentative touch, and the words that Elliot mumbled into Toby‛s mouth, ‟I want you.‟

The car gave a lurch, and Elliot squashed him. The engine shut off, and they could dimly hear Fin talking. Toby stole another dozen kisses. He had no room to touch like he wanted to, but he did his best. Elliot‛s tongue was perfect, and Toby sucked it.

‟Ya okay back there?‟ The engine started again.

Elliot ripped his mouth away. ‟Fine!‟

Toby controlled his laughter and wrapped his hand around Elliot‛s neck. He didn‛t know how many city blocks they had to go before he would be shoved out, but he was going to enjoy them all. Elliot slid a hand down and gripped Toby‛s ass, tugging them closer. Toby wanted to tear his clothes off and beg for it. He ached and he kissed and he held him so tightly.

The car stopped. Elliot turned him loose. ‟Thanks,‟ he said softly. Toby had no words. He pressed his lips together and hoped he didn‛t come in his sweats - Elliot‛s sweats. The trunk flew open, and Fin helped them out.

‟You okay?‟ Fin asked.

Elliot nodded and brushed off his jeans. Toby made sure he had everything. ‟My shank. I need it.‟

‟Don‛t hurt anyone with it.‟ Elliot shook his finger at him. ‟Promise me.‟

‟I promise. I‛ll put it under my pillow.‟ Toby held out his hand, and Elliot gave it up. ‟I thought something was poking me.‟

Elliot laughed and shut the trunk. ‟Be careful and call if you need anything.‟

Toby held out his hand to Fin. ‟Thanks.‟

‟Take care,‟ Fin said and shook Toby‛s hand. He got back in the car.

Elliot pulled Toby‛s hat down a little firmer on his head. ‟Davey‛s is six blocks away. That way.‟

‟It‛s late.‟ Toby didn‛t think he should do that. He was a risk. ‟Elliot, I can‛t thank you. It would be . . . inadequate.‟

‟We‛re square.‟ Elliot smiled. ‟I bet that was only two hundred or so.‟

‟Well, you owe me.‟ Toby turned away. He had to leave before he couldn‛t. Elliot‛s smile made it so hard to take that first step. They both heard Elliot‛s phone ring.

‟Stabler.‟ There was a moment of silence. ‟He says it‛s late, and he‛s afraid to be a bother.‟

‟Tell the shiksa that the floors aren‛t mopping themselves!‟

Toby managed a small laugh. ‟Even I heard that.‟ He still wasn‛t sure. ‟Goodbye, Elliot.‟

‟See ya around, Toby.‟ Elliot got in the car, and they were gone. Toby found a building to lean against. He tucked his shank away and thought about it again. If he went to Davey‛s, he could still see Huang. His head was better. He could fly to California now. There were choices he could make, but Elliot wasn‛t one of them. Elliot was gone and would stay that way. Toby turned the right direction. He owed Davey - and clean floors was the least of it.

*********

Elliot went home to his crappy apartment. He knew it was still trashed, and it was, and he could only shake his head in disgust. Cleaning it up on his schedule would be impossible. Tomorrow, he‛d call someone. He put the cushions back on the sofa and sat down. Toby should have gone to Davey‛s. He better have gone to Davey‛s. Elliot rubbed his lips. He‛d been really stupid to make out with him in the trunk of Fin‛s car.

‟Felt good,‟ he muttered. He adjusted his dick in his jeans. He‛d thought he might mess himself. Too bad that Fin hadn‛t taken the expressway. Elliot smiled and leaned his head back. He was a damn fool, messing around with a crazy ex-con. Kathy would say that he‛d lost his mind, and Olivia would have him committed. And Huang? Elliot didn‛t even want to think about it. There were no good reasons for what he‛d done and would do again if given half a chance. There was no explaining how he just knew that it was right to care for Toby. Maybe God understood. Elliot shut his eyes and hoped he‛d collect on the rest of those kisses. It wasn‛t that much to ask.

*********

Toby shook his head firmly. ‟No more charity. You‛ve given me enough.‟

‟You worked!‟ Davey threw up his hands. He said some things in Hebrew that Toby didn‛t understand. Toby sipped his soda and waited for him to calm down. Davey finally smiled. ‟What do you want to do?‟

‟I‛m not sure.‟ Toby slipped his hand through his hair. He pointed at the computer. ‟I need to keep my head down until they find someone else to torture.‟

Davey nodded. ‟Fucking Nazis.‟

Toby blinked from surprise at the curse word. ‟What do you want, Davey? You live above a deli. Don‛t you want a house on Long Island?‟

‟Live with the shaygetz on Long Island? I don‛t think so.‟ Davey tapped his fingers on the table. ‟You still have money?‟

‟That‛s the one thing I do have.‟ Toby looked around and made up his mind. ‟You‛ll let me buy half the business?‟

Davey also looked around the deli. ‟The building is not mine. I rent. I have saved to buy it, but Mother‛s health is not what it used to be.‟

Toby thought he understood. ‟You want to move home.‟

‟I need to move home. I‛m not sure that I want to!‟ Davey rubbed his chin and sighed. ‟I won‛t bully you into helping me.‟

Toby nodded as if that made sense, but it didn‛t. He put his hands to his temples and rubbed. If he had a choice, what would he do? He still had PTSD, and it would never go completely away. If he left New York - Davey - he‛d be alone again.

‟Is Munch‛s nephew still working here?‟

‟When he shows up, I let him work.‟ Davey waved his hand as if to say that wasn‛t important.

‟Show me the upstairs before I make up my mind, okay?‟ Toby still wasn‛t sure, but he was going to help out his only friend. Elliot didn‛t count. After two hundred kisses, he was much more than a friend.

Davey smiled. ‟If you lived here, I wouldn‛t worry.‟

Toby followed him up and was surprised. It was roomy and cheerful. ‟Two bedrooms? This is luxurious.‟

‟I think most of my rent goes for it.‟ Davey nodded. ‟If we bought the building, and you lived here, I could go home, knowing that things would be fine.‟

‟But you may need that money for your mother.‟ Toby looked out the window. This place felt like home, and he welcomed it. ‟How about I buy the building, live here, and you run the deli downstairs?‟

Davey looked stunned. ‟I would still pay rent?‟

‟No.‟ Toby checked out the bathroom. It was more than nice enough. Davey had kept this place in good shape. ‟Davey, it‛s my turn to help you out. My building, your deli, we‛ll work together. Okay?‟

‟The profits from the deli?‟

‟I‛ll get a portion.‟ Toby didn‛t want any, but he had to ask for something or Davey would walk away from the deal. ‟Let‛s say - three percent?‟

Davey went to a small desk, pulled out a calculator and started running some numbers. ‟Twenty percent gross and you pay to have the downstairs renovated.‟

Toby laughed. He was dealing with Davey the businessman now. ‟Five percent, we‛ll split the cost of the renovation, and I eat for free.‟

‟Shiksa, it is not enough.‟ Davey frowned.

‟Davey, it‛s more than enough. I had absolutely nothing until you reached out your hand. I lived by a dumpster.‟ Toby went to him. It was time to change the subject and take the pressure off. ‟Did you find a girlfriend while I was gone?‟

Davey laughed now. ‟No, but my mother is still looking. A deal?‟ He stuck out his hand.

Toby shook it firmly. ‟A deal. I‛ll draw up the papers. If I die, you get everything.‟

‟Oy vey.‟ Davey reached and tugged Toby‛s brown hair. ‟And what shall I call you?‟

‟Chris Keller. Chris is fine.‟ Tobias Beecher had to stay dead, and he refused to take any chances with Davey‛s future. ‟I have a lot to do.‟

‟At least you don‛t have any furniture to move.‟ Davey smiled and gave him a fast hug. ‟The other bedroom tonight, okay?‟

Toby was going to argue, but Davey had a steely glint in his eye that spelled trouble. ‟Sure.‟ He looked at the time. It was three a.m. ‟I might as well go open.‟

Davey laughed, and Toby took a deep breath. He was home.

**********

Elliot tapped his pencil on his desk and felt his stomach grumble. ‟We getting lunch today?‟ he asked.

‟Whose turn is it to buy?‟ Fin leaned back in his chair. ‟I paid last time we ordered from Davey‛s.‟

‟I bought the pizza,‟ Elliot said. He knew it wasn‛t his turn.

Munch looked at Olivia. ‟It‛s hers.‟

Olivia shook her head. ‟I bought burgers for everyone last week. It‛s John‛s turn. He never buys.‟

Elliot found that hard to argue with. Munch always seemed to be elsewhere when it came time to pay the bill. ‟Munch, order us some food.‟

‟Hot dogs it is.‟ Munch grabbed his coat.

Elliot groaned. He should‛ve known he wouldn‛t get real food, but he wasn‛t going to complain. Olivia laughed. ‟Elliot, is your apartment livable yet?‟

‟Sorta.‟ Elliot didn‛t meet her eyes. He was working on it. ‟I threw a bunch of stuff out.‟

‟Did you hire a cleaning service?‟

Elliot had planned to, but Kathy had needed a little extra. ‟I will.‟ He opened his desk drawer, pulled out a notebook, and stopped. He‛d thought that he‛d thrown that out. He picked it up carefully and made sure his face didn‛t betray his feelings - his want.

‟What is that?‟ Olivia‛s eyes were sharp.

Elliot emptied the drawer and cleaned out every last strand. He wasn‛t sure he wanted to answer. ‟Something I need to throw out.‟

She said nothing, and he used a rubber band to gather it together tightly. Her fingers suddenly took it from him, but he couldn‛t protest. ‟If you want to keep a lock of Kathy‛s hair, I understand. Here, let me braid it for you.‟

Elliot‛s honesty forced him to silence. She braided it quickly, tying it off on both ends. ‟That was quite a haircut - six inches at least.‟

‟Yeah.‟ Elliot took it from her and stuffed it in his pocket. ‟Thanks.‟

‟You‛re a sentimental guy.‟ She smiled and went back to her desk. ‟I like that about you.‟

Elliot straightened his desk and refused to look at her. His eyes might betray him.

*********

‟Are you sure we need another meat case?‟ Toby was only teasing him. Davey glared, but said nothing. He pointed. They moved it where Davey wanted it. The place was starting to look good. They‛d never really closed, but business had had to walk around construction. Opening up the back room had added needed floor space, and Davey seemed happy about it. Toby hoped so.

‟Chris, are you seeing that doctor today?‟

Toby looked at his watch. ‟I have about an hour.‟ He still wasn‛t used to the occasional ‛Chris‛ that Davey threw at him, but he would get there, and the customers liked knowing his name. There was no way he could forget Chris Keller now that he was Chris Keller. Toby rubbed his face and smiled at the irony. Of course, he hadn‛t been in his right mind when he‛d chosen another identity, and it was too late to do it again.

‟Is your head okay?‟

Toby looked up to see Davey‛s worried frown. ‟Yeah. I was just thinking about how life makes us into different people.‟

‟But the inside stays the same. We all do things that we regret or we shouldn‛t, but that isn‛t who we are.‟ Davey smiled and made a gesture that took in the entire deli. ‟I like it. We are almost done. Another year or two and I‛ll be used to it.‟

Toby had to laugh. ‟You miss your apartment?‟

‟I miss the quiet!‟ Davey threw up his hands dramatically. ‟Always to get a wife!‟

Toby went to find something to drink and sit down for a minute. They‛d just closed and his feet were tired. ‟Are you sure you don‛t want some more furniture from upstairs?‟

‟Where would I put it?‟ Davey shook his head, grabbed a drink, and sat across from him. ‟If you want new, throw it out.‟

‟Right.‟ Toby wouldn‛t do that. ‟I had a hard enough time buying some clothes!‟

Davey stretched his back. ‟I had some worries, but we are doing well. Did you pay the painters?‟

‟Yesterday.‟ Toby had no shortage of things to do around here. He had thought once or twice that being a lawyer might be easier. ‟Did you find a new coffeemaker like you wanted?‟

‟I won‛t be rushed.‟ Davey was picky - very picky. Toby didn‛t mind, but he was always careful to get the floors clean. He got to his feet. Davey pointed at the door that led to the stairs. ‟Go take a shower and go to the doctor. I‛ll lock up.‟

‟I‛m going.‟ Toby hung up his apron and went. He had handled all his business with Huang by phone, but he wouldn‛t be put off any longer. Toby had to go see him. The shower felt good, and he refused to think about car trunks and kisses. He‛d done enough of that this morning. He looked through his shirts and happened to see Elliot‛s NYPD shirt hanging near the back. He put it on and laughed. He could return it, but he didn‛t want to. Elliot. Toby sighed. It wasn‛t possible, but it made him smile to know that Elliot was out there - not that far away. It was time to go, and he beat it out the door. Davey waved, and Toby walked to the precinct. He signed in, went through the metal detectors, and took the elevator to Huang‛s office. Elliot wasn‛t around. Toby looked on the way.

‟Tobias, good to see you!‟ Huang came around his desk, and they shook hands. ‟I thought you‛d skip out on me.‟

‟I knew you‛d cut off my meds.‟ Toby shut the door. ‟And you have to call me Chris. Chris pays the bills. It‛s Chris.‟

Huang sat back down. He opened a file. ‟What you‛re doing is illegal.‟

‟And necessary to my survival.‟ Toby sat down. He wasn‛t going to argue about it, but they were doing it his way. ‟I can find another shrink if you‛re uncomfortable with this.‟

‟No. I don‛t blame you. I just hope the IRS doesn‛t catch you at it.‟

Toby wasn‛t worried about that. His fake identity was ironclad, and Chris wouldn‛t mind. Chris would laugh his head off. Toby realized he needed to say something. ‟I suppose we have to talk.‟

‟Yes.‟ Huang wasn‛t going to let him off the hook. Toby braced himself and started blabbing. He wanted somewhat of a normal life, so he‛d do this, but he didn‛t like it.

*********

Elliot leaned back in his chair, wiggled his shoulders, and sighed softly. There was no reason to go to his apartment. Almost unwillingly, he pulled out the braid and caressed it. No one was around. It was safe. He refused to go by Davey‛s. Toby was dead. It had to be that way. The Aryans had gloated for weeks, and now they were on to something else. It was over. Elliot had his own life to worry about - bills to pay and people to see.

‟How are you, Elliot?‟

Elliot put the braid in his pocket before turning his chair. ‟I‛m good. I thought you were in Washington.‟

‟I was, but I had an appointment today.‟ Huang smiled and leaned against the lockers. ‟It‛s funny how some patients refuse to come in until you threaten to cut off their meds.‟

‟Hilarious.‟ Elliot hoped there was a point to all this. He went ahead and shut down his computer. He‛d get back at it tomorrow.

‟His hair is almost blond again,‟ Huang said softly. Elliot looked fast, but all he saw was Huang‛s back, walking away. Toby had been here. He must be doing okay. It was a huge relief.

Elliot hurried to catch up with him. ‟You know that it was nothing but the job.‟ He had to tell that lie once. Huang had seen too much.

Huang stopped walking. He shrugged. ‟I know that there are some things that are beyond the job. Toby asked me once why you didn‛t have a life.‟

‟Me?‟ Elliot frowned. He had a life. It was right here in this building. ‟I‛m a cop.‟

‟And?‟ Huang went to the elevator. ‟Good night, Elliot.‟

Elliot let him leave this time. He wandered back to his coat and out to his car. Toby was doing fine. That was what was important. He was still around too. Close. Elliot had no idea what to do. Not knowing had been easier. Now he had to make a choice: stay away or show up looking needy. He would look desperate.

Slamming the car door, he found his keys and the braid had twined around them. He held it up and sighed. Getting some early dinner at Davey‛s tomorrow couldn‛t hurt.

********

‟Chris! You in back?‟

Toby found the jar of pickles. ‟I‛m coming!‟

‟We got customers.‟

Toby didn‛t rush. They could wait one second. Lunch was long over, and Davey could handle anything. Toby put the pickles on the sideboard.

‟I‛m going to need my shirt back,‟ a low voice growled.

Toby lowered his head and laughed before turning around. ‟I think it has mayo on it.‟

Elliot shrugged. ‟I like mayo. Make me some food. I‛ll be over there.‟ He walked off.

‟You heard the man.‟ Davey clapped Toby on the shoulder. ‟Business is dead. I‛m going home.‟ He was gone so fast that Toby could barely form a protest. Toby stood there feeling stupid. They‛d been busy today, but Davey turned the sign on his way out.

‟Turkey is good.‟ Elliot wasn‛t that far away. "Some chips."

Toby fixed him some food instead of begging for more kisses. ‟Soda or coffee?‟

‟Coffee.‟

Toby took it all out to him. ‟Ten bucks. Anything else?‟

Elliot handed him the money. ‟Nope.‟

Toby went to the cash register and rang it up. Now instead of stupid, he felt like a fool. He wiped off the counter, took care of the pickles, and stalled, hoping his brain would think of something to say.

‟Can I get a refill, Chris?‟

Toby flinched from the name coming out of Elliot‛s mouth and took the coffee pot out to him. ‟You‛ll be up all night.‟

‟Usually am.‟ Elliot smiled. ‟How‛s business?‟

‟You‛d have to ask Davey. I‛m just the help.‟ Toby stayed out of the money side as much as possible. It wasn‛t his deli. It was enough that Davey was smiling. ‟How‛s it with you?‟

Elliot shrugged. He was eating steadily. Toby tried not to stare at him, but it wasn‛t working very well. There was a tap on the door, and he went to get it.

‟Can I get some takeout?‟ It was one of their regulars.

‟Sure. Come on in.‟ Toby kept the sign turned. ‟Davey went home.‟

‟I trust you to make a sandwich, Chris.‟ He smiled. ‟A number three, lots of onions.‟

Toby started making it. ‟No date, huh?‟

‟Can‛t find a good woman in this city, but I‛m not ready to give up!‟

Toby laughed and worked fast. He bagged it up, got him his drink, and locked the door behind him. Elliot hadn‛t moved. Toby wiped his hands on his apron and tried to think of something to say.

‟Carrot cake?‟

Elliot pushed his empty basket away. ‟Nah. I should go.‟

Toby heard all he needed to know in that one sentence. He looked down and cursed himself for giving a damn. Elliot stood and dug out his keys. Toby saw it hit the floor. He moved fast to pick it up. Elliot grabbed him by the hand.

‟That‛s mine.‟

‟No, I think it‛s mine.‟ Toby stared down at his hair. It had been braided. Elliot had kept it. He did care, and he might even be as lonely as Toby was. ‟Are you still homeless?‟

Elliot swallowed hard. Toby saw it and wanted to kiss him.

‟Pretty much.‟

Toby turned loose of the braid and reached for him. ‟Stay.‟ One word but it was all he had, and he had to hope it was enough.

‟Davey will be back,‟ Elliot whispered - his face so serious.

Toby shook his head. ‟He doesn‛t live here anymore. I do. Come upstairs. I‛ll bring the coffee, if you want.‟

Elliot still hesitated.

‟If you leave now, you‛ll never come back.‟

‟And that would be a bad thing?‟

Toby nodded, but said nothing. Elliot had to make up his own mind. Toby gave him a minute, going to clean the table and turn off the exterior lights. They were closed. Elliot didn‛t move. He was looking at the braid. Toby wished he smelled less like onions. He made sure the doors were locked and pulled the window bars down.

‟Aren‛t you going to mop?‟

Toby usually did, but he didn‛t want to wait. ‟I could do it in the morning.‟

Elliot slowly smiled. ‟So, show me your place.‟

Toby nearly fell down from relief. He opened the door. ‟It isn‛t much.‟

‟Better than a piece of cardboard behind a dumpster?‟

‟Much.‟ Toby took him upstairs. The place was at least clean. Toby liked it that way, and he had a new TV that he hoped would entice Elliot to stay longer than five minutes. Elliot looked around, but he didn‛t say anything. He did take off his coat. Toby hung it up in the closet and tried to think of something intelligent to say. There was a lot between them, but words failed him.

‟Two bedrooms?‟

Toby nodded. He didn‛t use the other one. ‟I bought some clothes.‟ He blushed. First words out of his mouth and they were stupid.

‟I guess you could give me back my shirt.‟ Elliot bit his lower lip. ‟Do we have to run out the back window?‟

‟If you want.‟ Toby laughed softly. ‟I made sure the fire escape was in good repair.‟

Elliot smiled a little and sat down on the sofa. He looked nervous. ‟I guess Toby‛s dead.‟

‟I guess so.‟ Toby wasn‛t sure what to do. He gingerly sat in the chair that faced the sofa. ‟He was crazy anyway.‟

‟I liked him. I‛m not sure about this Chris Keller guy.‟ Elliot‛s words hit Toby hard. Toby did feel different on the inside. He felt . . . better.

‟I guess you don‛t really know me,‟ Toby said softly. He reached forward and stuck out his hand. ‟Chris Keller.‟

Elliot look at him. ‟Elliot Stabler.‟ He reached and pulled. Toby gasped once and went to his knees without a fight. Elliot kissed him gently. ‟You see that Toby guy, you tell him he owes me about eight hundred kisses.‟

‟I can do that.‟ Toby wrapped his hands in Elliot‛s shirt. ‟So, where does that leave us?‟

‟Only God knows.‟ Elliot‛s eyes were intense. ‟Let‛s . . . not rush.‟

Toby nearly groaned from frustration, but he had to take what he could get. ‟Okay.‟ He got to his feet fast before he unbuckled Elliot‛s trousers. ‟You want to move in?‟

Elliot burst out laughing. ‟That‛s slow?‟

‟Well, yeah. If you don‛t, I‛ll never see you. You work all the time. There‛s a cot in the crib with your name on it.‟ Toby turned on the TV and went to find something to drink. ‟Want a soda?‟

‟Nah.‟

Toby took it out to the sofa and sat on the opposite end from him. ‟You don‛t have a decent place. I do. And this way, I can steal your shirts.‟

Elliot started changing the channels. ‟What‛ll Davey say?‟

‟It‛s my building. What can he say?‟ Toby saw the surprise in Elliot‛s eyes. ‟He was in a bind. I bought the building, but he still owns the deli.‟

‟You do have money.‟ Elliot quirked an eyebrow at him. ‟You got a Corvette?‟

‟Is that wishful thinking I hear?‟ Toby shook his head. ‟This is New York. No one drives.‟

‟Then how come I can never get to a crime scene?‟ Elliot muttered. ‟Have you been in contact with your family?‟

‟No.‟ Toby pretended to watch television. ‟Wherever they are, I‛m sure they‛re safe.‟

‟You‛re a hell of a liar.‟ Elliot reached out and pulled him until he was tucked into Elliot‛s shoulder. ‟Do I have to call you Chris?‟

Toby got comfortable. ‟You can call me mud, as long as you call me occasionally.‟

Elliot kissed him on the forehead.

*********

‟Cap, can I leave early today?‟ Elliot had things to do. He was nervous about it, but he was doing it.

‟Lost hours?‟

‟I‛ll clock out. I‛m sure I‛m killing you on OT.‟ Elliot smiled. He‛d made sure of that this last week.

‟Go, and take tomorrow off.‟ Cragen headed for his office. Elliot had hoped that would happen, and he was out the door fast.

Munch caught him in the elevator. ‟Going home?‟

Elliot smiled. ‟Yes. I am.‟ He hoped so. He needed it, and he was embarrassed about it.

‟Hey, I hear Davey‛s was remodeled. We should go there for lunch.‟

Elliot knew he‛d be buying. ‟The shiksa is gone.‟

Munch nodded. ‟Some guy called Chris Keller helped Davey fix up the place.‟

The elevator doors opened. Elliot went out. ‟Later.‟ He did take time to wave. Munch had probably known where Toby was all along. Elliot shoved a box over and got his car started. He wasn‛t sure he was doing the right thing, but he was damn tired of being homeless.

Davey was at the cash register when Elliot pushed through the front door.

‟Oy vey, I‛m overrun with shaygetz today.‟

Elliot laughed. ‟How‛s business?‟

‟Better than you can know. You might rob the place.‟ Davey smiled and shut the cash drawer. ‟How much rent are you paying?‟

‟Too damn much for one room over a deli!‟ Elliot took a muffin and went in back to find Toby, who everyone called Chris now. He had made up his mind on that. Toby was Toby. Chris could butt the hell out. Elliot also knew he wasn‛t completely rational about the subject.

‟Did someone call the cops?‟ Toby came in the back door. He smiled. Elliot found a place to lean and unwrapped his muffin. He‛d pay for it later. Toby came right to him and took a bite. Elliot reluctantly let him. Toby grinned. ‟What are you waiting for?‟

‟Dunno.‟ Elliot ate some muffin. He wasn‛t a pushy kind of guy to come barging in here with a box. Toby didn‛t move away. He took another nibble. Elliot pulled it away. ‟One more bite and I‛m not paying for this.‟

Toby lifted his eyebrows and licked it with his long tongue. Elliot handed it to him. Toby ate it in two bites. ‟Always worked in prison too.‟

Elliot laughed. He pushed at him, but not hard. ‟I‛m going to get my stuff.‟

‟Ask Davey where to park. I‛m clueless.‟ Toby took two steps towards the front. ‟Oh, and use the back door. Knock down a customer and Davey will kill you.‟

‟Welcome home,‟ Elliot grumbled, but he wasn‛t serious. He went to get a box, and he did use the back door. Toby didn‛t help - at all. He didn‛t even watch. It made Elliot wonder what he‛d expected. A band? Cheers? A kiss or two? The apartment looked the same, and Elliot made himself at home. After all, he was going to pay to live here. The clothes were the worst of it, and he was glad to be done with that. He put his stuff in the bathroom and hoped Toby wouldn‛t try to share.

Elliot turned on the TV and relaxed on the sofa. He could get used to this place. It was . . . cozy. He cringed. They‛d remodel. Get some football pictures. He glanced over at the door and fidgeted. For once, he was off work, and it felt weird. He went to make sure his bedroom was set again. Empty boxes stared at him, and he took them downstairs and out to the dumpster. He wasn‛t moving for at least a month.

‟Crush those down, will ya?‟ Toby came out with a bag of trash. ‟The garbage guys might beat me up otherwise.‟

Elliot broke them down and tossed them. ‟Busy day?‟

‟Yes. I‛m starting to think we need to hire someone for the register. Davey disagrees.‟ Toby shrugged and leaned against the building. ‟If he doesn‛t stop sending people to me for free advice, I‛m going to hire someone while he‛s out.‟

‟Is he ever out?‟

‟Not really.‟ Toby laughed. ‟Ah well, I‛m rarely bored.‟

Elliot smiled. He found some brick next to him and leaned. ‟Advice?‟

‟I was a lawyer. Davey thinks all his friends, relatives, and people he bumps into on the street should benefit from this.‟ Toby rolled his eyes. ‟The back booth is now my office. It‛s funny. It really is.‟

‟Can you help me get my deposit back on the other place?‟ Elliot grinned.

Toby glared. ‟It was completely trashed. Walk away and hope you aren‛t sued.‟

‟Good advice.‟ Elliot had thought the same. ‟I didn‛t leave a forwarding address.‟

Toby went back inside, and Elliot followed after him. ‟You hungry?‟

Elliot shook his head. ‟I‛ll find something to do.‟

‟Look busy or Davey will find something for you to do, and you may not like it.‟ Toby went to take over the cash register, and Elliot saw Davey give him an assessing look. Elliot went back out to his car before Davey could say anything. There were a few odds and ends that had fallen out of boxes, and he collected them. Parking wasn‛t going to be a problem. He‛d leave his car at work and walk. He went in the back door and slipped up the stairs. Tossing the junk on the bed, he went through it and found places to put everything. The pictures of his kids, he put on the dresser. He‛d told Kathy that he was moving above a deli. She‛d shrugged and asked about the child support. Money was always an issue. Toby hadn‛t even set a price for rent yet, and Elliot wasn‛t sure how to ask without sounding whiny.

Elliot sat down on the bed. The thought that Toby might want something besides money popped up in front of his eyeballs. That wouldn‛t be good, even though it would feel great. He sighed and lay back flat. They‛d agreed to take it slow, but that had been two weeks ago. How slow was slow enough?

*********

Toby was very glad that Elliot had really moved in. It made the world a happier place. He had played it cool so he didn‛t scare the shit out of him, but he‛d wanted to dance, sing, and kiss him all over.

‟You are not welcome here!‟

Toby pulled his head out of his ass and beat it over to the front door. Davey was mad as hell, and it wasn‛t apparent why at first.

‟Give us some sandwiches, Jewboy, and we‛ll leave!‟

Toby stepped in front of Davey, red hot anger pouring through him. ‟Listen, you Aryan fucks, leave now and I won‛t kick your asses.‟

They looked at each other. ‟You think you‛re tough?‟

‟Oz made me tough, and if I want you dead, you‛re dead. Now beat it!‟ Toby took another step. He wasn‛t backing down. Hell no.

‟Oz?‟ The one guy glanced at the other. They both took one step back. Toby grinned. He had them. They left quietly.

Davey put his hand on Toby‛s shoulder. ‟You scared even me.‟

‟I‛m a scary guy.‟ Toby took a breath. The noise resumed, and Davey rushed off to help someone. Toby went towards the counter, but he felt it shove at him. ‟Davey, I gotta go.‟

Davey looked confused for one second. Toby put his hand on his head and made it to the door. The stairs seemed impossibly tall, but he made it halfway. ‟No!‟ It didn‛t do any good. It never did, and his vision faded to black and then Oz was around him. Schillinger and his boys laughed as Toby licked boots. His tongue ached and he cried.

‟Toby!‟ Chris was there, holding him. Toby didn‛t resist the pull, and he went with him. He could taste the dirt, and he needed something to take away the pain. O‛Reily‛s grin spun around him. The drugs made it all go away, and he laughed.

‟Come on, Toby.‟

Toby felt the arms around him. ‟It‛s okay. I feel . . . so good.‟ He giggled and let his head loll on Chris‛s chest. Chris didn‛t belong in this memory, but it was good to see him. ‟Have a puff.‟ He giggled again. There was no answer, and he jerked as it was ripped away from him. Oz spat him out, and he was on the floor in Elliot‛s arms. ‟Fuck,‟ he whispered.

Elliot held him. ‟You back?‟

‟Yeah.‟ Toby quivered all over. He rubbed his face and hated himself. ‟Sorry. I lost it.‟

‟It‛s okay. I‛m glad you didn‛t fall down the stairs.‟ Elliot didn‛t turn him loose. ‟Rest a minute. I got you.‟

Toby did just that. He let his spinning brain slow way down. Elliot smelled good. He felt good, and it couldn‛t hurt to lay there and breathe. When it all settled, Toby pushed away. ‟I gotta get back. Thanks.‟

‟I‛ll go with you. I can haul trash or something.‟ Elliot gave him a hard look. ‟Your head on straight?‟

‟I‛m not really high.‟ Toby took a deep breath and went downstairs. He was ashamed of the memory that Elliot had watched him relive, but there were worse ones. Davey handed him a soda and pointed at the cash register. Toby sat on the stool and took orders and money. He could handle it, but he was glad he was sitting.

‟Elliot, clean the tables!‟ Davey barked.

Elliot saluted. Toby laughed. He was tired when six rolled around, and Davey shooed the last customer out and flipped the sign.

‟What a day! Nazis! Shaygetz! Chris‛s brain! Oy vey!‟

Elliot stopped and stared at them both. ‟Nazis?‟

‟They came in, demanding food. Chris threw them out, and then his brain exploded. It‛s no wonder! Mine nearly did!‟ Davey slumped down in a chair. ‟Shabbas starts right now, and we need it!‟

Toby stretched his back. ‟Thanks for your help, Elliot. It was a wild day.‟

‟First day of Spring. People are glad to be out and about.‟ Elliot pointed at the door. ‟Why don‛t you go rest? I‛ll clean up.‟

‟If only you knew how.‟ Toby sighed and stretched again. He didn‛t feel all that bad, just tired, but it had been a long week. Davey looked at him, and they got busy. Elliot mopped the floor, and they did the rest. It seemed to go faster than usual.

‟Enough. I will come in on Sunday and do inventory.‟

‟And get away from his mother,‟ Toby whispered to Elliot.

‟I heard that!‟ Davey smiled. ‟I can‛t deny it though. Lock up. I‛m going.‟ He was gone before Toby had his apron off.

Elliot sat down in a chair. ‟I‛m hungry.‟

Toby laughed. ‟I have food upstairs. I‛m not making a mess, not even for you.‟ He locked them in and shut off the lights. ‟Some days I can‛t believe I went to Harvard.‟

Elliot was at the stairs. ‟It‛s quite a come-down.‟

Toby went past him and up, going right to the kitchen to see what he had in the fridge. ‟Uh, no. That‛s not what I meant. I meant that I used to be smart. My brain worked. I could do three things at once and not break a sweat. Today, simple math was hard.‟

‟Working the register?‟

‟Yes.‟ Toby got out the Italian food from last night and put the microwave to good use.

‟The drugs burned you out.‟ Elliot hovered, but he sat when Toby pointed. It didn‛t take long, and they were eating.

Toby wasn‛t sure he agreed. Oz had burned him out. ‟Huang and I have discussed it. It could have been the drugs or the alcohol or God only knows what else.‟

Elliot was awfully quiet. Toby regretted running off at the mouth. He was tired and talking too much. Elliot got up and looked in the fridge. ‟You gonna freak out if I bring beer home?‟

Toby shook his head. Beer held no appeal for him. ‟I never liked it.‟

‟Huang got any good news for you?‟

Toby thought it was an interesting question. He finished his plate before he answered it. ‟No. There‛s more bad, but I think you‛ve heard enough.‟

Elliot frowned and put his hand on Toby‛s. ‟What?‟

‟The Effexor isn‛t working as well as it was. I‛m having more attacks. I seem to have a very resistant brain chemistry.‟ Toby had known it was too good to last. He felt Elliot give him a squeeze. It made him smile. ‟I can‛t be evicted this time though.‟

‟It‛s something.‟ Elliot pushed his empty plate away. ‟Did you tell Davey?‟

‟Of course. He said something about letting the future stay there.‟ Toby suddenly felt guilty. ‟I guess I should have told you. Fuck. I‛m sorry. Just move out tomorrow. I‛ll help you find a place.‟

Elliot got up and put their plates in the sink. He tugged Toby to his feet. ‟I‛m not an idiot, Tobias.‟

‟You‛re not, but I should‛ve told you.‟ Toby was glad when his ass hit the couch. Elliot put his arm around him, and it felt so good. Toby shut his eyes. He‛d just rest a minute.

********

Elliot took him to bed after an hour passed and it became obvious that he wasn‛t going to wake up. He mumbled, but he didn‛t protest. Elliot undressed him and rolled him under the covers. Toby was out, and Elliot went back to the television. He had been upset to hear about the drugs, but Huang was the best. It was an uncomfortable thought that Toby would never be . . . normal.

‟Stabler.‟ Elliot answered it fast so it didn‛t wake up Toby.

‟Did you move and not tell me?‟

Elliot went to his bedroom. ‟Hi, Olivia. Um, didn‛t I mention it?‟

‟No. I‛m sure I would have remembered. Where are you?‟ She didn‛t sound happy. ‟I need to go over this case with you.‟

‟Davey‛s Deli. I‛ll meet you at the front door.‟ He shut his phone. If Toby became lost in his delusions again, what could Elliot do? He didn‛t know, but he wasn‛t going to run away because of something that might happen. Quietly, he went downstairs to wait for his partner. She looked slightly confused when he opened the door for her. He locked it securely again.

‟You live here?‟ She frowned.

‟Upstairs.‟ Elliot weighed taking her up against the chances of making a mess down here. It wasn‛t his deli. ‟Come on.‟ He shut the door behind her and nudged her towards the kitchen. ‟Need something to drink?‟

‟No. I‛m good.‟ She sat down at the table and put a file in front of her. ‟This is nice. Much better than that hole in the wall.‟

‟I thought so too.‟ Elliot smiled. He wasn‛t going to lie, but he didn‛t want to tell all of the truth. ‟What case?‟

Olivia opened it up and slid it over. ‟The Munez case.‟ She got up and wandered off, and Elliot had two seconds to make up his mind.

‟Liv!‟

She came out of the front room and sat back down. ‟What?‟

‟Toby‛s sleeping. You can have the tour later.‟ Elliot pretended he was reading, and then he did start reading. ‟I thought we agreed that there wasn‛t enough evidence, and once she dropped the complaint, there was nothing we could do.‟ He looked up, and her eyes were big.

‟Toby?‟

Elliot rubbed his forehead. ‟Tobias Beecher, but he goes by Chris Keller now. We share this apartment. He works downstairs.‟

‟You remember that he‛s crazy, right?‟ She wasn‛t being very quiet, and Elliot shushed her. He also had no idea how to reassure her. She had issues with the mentally ill and the homeless and drunks, and Toby was all three.

‟Did you talk to Novak? I don‛t remember her being willing to go out on a limb for this one.‟ Elliot jammed his finger down on the case file.

She raised her eyebrows. ‟The wife is in danger. You and I both know that.‟

‟Yes, but until she makes up her mind to get help, there‛s nothing we can do. She has to make that first step.‟

‟Don‛t you think calling us was?‟ Olivia looked pissed now.

Elliot backed down, but not much. ‟She recanted almost immediately. She has four kids, and she‛s Catholic.‟

‟So are you, and here you are living with a crazy man. People change!‟

Elliot grabbed his temper before he yelled at her. He took a deep breath. ‟I‛ll go see her tomorrow. I have the day off, but don‛t expect much. She faces poverty, complete and total, if she takes her children and runs off, and she knows it.‟

‟It might be better than a body bag.‟ Olivia had lowered her voice also. She fidgeted with her coat, leaned close, and whispered, ‟You‛re sure about this?‟

‟Yes. We‛re . . . friends. Strange bedfellows, I know, but when he offered, I wanted some company for a change.‟ Elliot spoke softly. He had to say enough to get her off his back but not so much she drew all the wrong conclusions.

‟You‛re always at work.‟

‟So what does it matter?‟ Elliot shrugged and shut the file. ‟I‛ll go see her tomorrow and call you.‟

‟Good enough. She won‛t listen to me.‟ Olivia got to her feet. ‟Can I get a sandwich before I leave?‟

Elliot laughed. ‟No.‟

Toby - completely dressed - leaned against the doorjamb. ‟Sure. I‛ll put it on Elliot‛s tab.‟

Elliot wanted to slide under the table. He took the file to his bedroom instead, rubbed his face, and prayed that Toby had heard nothing of that conversation. When he went back out, they were halfway down the stairs, and he followed them.

‟Turkey?‟ Toby flipped on a light. ‟I think we have some roast beef left.‟

‟Turkey, whole wheat, no mayo, lettuce and tomato.‟

‟I like a woman who knows what she wants.‟ Toby flashed her a grin. Elliot got her the kind of soda that she liked and took it to her.

Olivia sat down at a table. ‟A deli was a good idea. Italian would have been better though.‟

‟Food is food.‟ Elliot tried to smile and sat down across from her.

‟Chips?‟ Toby‛s voice carried clearly.

‟No thanks.‟ Olivia took the basket that Toby handed her. ‟Chris, right?‟

‟Chris Keller.‟ Toby didn‛t sit down. He went back behind the counter.

Elliot listened to him clean up again. ‟You better not tell Munch I live here. He‛ll drop in every night.‟

Olivia laughed. ‟And he‛d bring friends.‟

Elliot watched her eat and just felt awkward. Toby brought her a piece of carrot cake and said, ‟It‛s on the house. Elliot, make sure to lock up. Those Nazi fuckers might come back.‟

‟Will do.‟ Elliot nodded. ‟Get some rest.‟

Toby left without another word. Olivia said softly, ‟Still with the Nazis?‟

‟Couple of idiots tried to bully Davey into some free food today. Chris took it very personally.‟ Elliot hated calling him Chris, but it was safer. He‛d get used to it in time. That thought brought him up short. At some point, he‛d decided that he was in this for the long haul. He wasn‛t afraid of what the future might bring in regards to Toby‛s health. Huang would do his best, and Toby would also. This was what Elliot wanted, and he wasn‛t backing away. ‟Olivia, we‛re friends, right?‟

‟More.‟

Elliot nodded. ‟I‛ll be fine. Let it go at that.‟

She smiled. ‟Good enough for me. This is good. I‛m coming back.‟ She laughed.

*********

Toby took his shoes off again and sat down to watch some TV. He wasn‛t going to waste time worrying about Elliot. Elliot would do what he wanted. He wasn‛t the kind of man to be bullied. Toby was that man, but never Elliot.

Toby‛s new cell phone rang and it took him a while to find it. He was terrible about keeping track of it. ‟Hello?‟

‟Chris, this is Dr. Huang. How are you?‟

Toby wasn‛t sure what to say. He decided on the truth. ‟Some Aryans came to the store today. I had an attack.‟

‟How would you rate it?‟

Toby thought about it. ‟Maybe a four. I was able to go back to work.‟

‟Were you alone?‟

‟No. Elliot was there.‟ Toby wasn‛t sure why that was important. ‟Why the call?‟

‟I got your blood work back. Things have stabilized, but I want to up your dosage. Take two capsules, okay?‟

Toby didn‛t want to take them at all. ‟I‛m up to three attacks a week. That‛s what I was at before you put me on the med. It seems ridiculous to bother with it.‟

‟You can‛t just stop. You might have a real seizure. This type of medication has to be backed off slowly," Huang said quickly.

Toby knew that. He‛d done his research. ‟All I‛m saying is that it seems stupid to up it if it‛s not going to help.‟

‟We don‛t know that.‟ Huang was using his soothing voice.

‟No. I‛ve stabilized. We‛ll see what happens. Any more and I‛ll be a drooling fool.‟ Toby made up his mind fast. ‟If you get tired of this, you can find me another doctor.‟

Huang sighed. ‟Come see me in two weeks and we‛ll take blood again. If you have a nine or a ten, I want you to call.‟

‟I will. Bye.‟ Toby shut his phone and clutched it tightly. He felt like a damn chemistry experiment. Take this. No, take that. More blood would be nice. And meanwhile, Huang writes another paper on him. He was a one-of-a-kind fucked up specimen.

‟You okay?‟ Elliot took the phone from Toby‛s hand before it broke.

‟No.‟ Toby wanted to curl up. For thirty five years he‛d had the best brain around, and he missed it. He missed that feeling of knowing instantly the answers to everything. Laughing softly, he shoved away the arrogance. He‛d known nothing. Oz had taught him that.

‟Can I have your number?‟ Elliot asked and sat down next to him.

‟Sure. Put yours in mine, will ya?‟ Toby had been afraid to ask. He put his hand on Elliot‛s knee. ‟I will always be fucked up.‟

‟I‛m not all that normal.‟ Elliot was punching numbers.

Toby could argue that all day, but he was tired. ‟Elliot, you know you‛re getting on board the Titanic. I am going to hit an iceberg. It‛s just a matter of time. Shouldn‛t you back slowly down the gangplank?‟

‟That movie was really long. Kathy loved it.‟ Elliot handed him his phone. ‟I‛m already on board, and you need to steer carefully. End of story.‟

‟Oy vey.‟ Toby put his head in his hands. He sighed when Elliot pulled him close. ‟I can‛t be trusted.‟

‟Yes. You can. There‛s no one I trust more with you.‟ Elliot shook him gently. ‟You have a life now, and I know you‛ll protect it.‟

‟Living on the streets did suck.‟ Toby hoped Elliot was telling the truth. ‟An Oz was plain awful.‟

Elliot just held him. The TV chattered, and Toby relaxed. He‛d do his best. Elliot expected it of him.

*********

Elliot didn‛t move until after the evening news. ‟Davey‛s is closed on Saturdays, right?‟

‟And we do very little business on Sundays, but we‛re open.‟

‟I have to see someone tomorrow, but we can hang out together.‟ Elliot felt stupid saying it like that.

Toby shrugged. ‟We‛ll see.‟

Elliot would drag him out of the deli. It was spring in New York - no place better. ‟Is that bed comfortable?‟

‟Not bad. I slept on it for a week before Davey moved out. I liked the other bedroom better.‟ Toby yawned. ‟I‛m tired. This time, I‛ll undress myself.‟

Elliot nearly blushed. ‟I didn‛t know Olivia would stop by.‟

‟I‛m sure she will again.‟ Toby stood and stretched. He took three steps toward his room. ‟See ya in the morning.‟

Elliot bit his lower lip. He wanted to keep on holding him. ‟Yeah. In the morning.‟ He turned off the TV and stood. ‟I get the bathroom first?‟

‟Only if you beat me there.‟

Elliot laughed and went to his room. That had broken the tension. He stripped and pulled on some sweats for modesty‛s sake. The bathroom was empty, and he got out fast. Turning off the light, he hit the bed. It was comfortable, much more so than the one at the crap hole. His first night here, and despite the curveballs, he felt good about it. Sleep was remarkably easy.

*********

Toby did not want to be a pushy bitch, but knowing that Elliot was across the bathroom made sleep almost impossible. Elliot was right there. He was right there.

‟Shit,‟ Toby muttered and rolled to his stomach. His dick was hard as stone, and this wasn‛t helping. He groaned and flipped back over. ‟Someone just shoot me.‟

*********

Elliot woke up with a jolt. He had no idea where he was, but it kicked in after two seconds. Home. This was his home. Toby was close by. Elliot rubbed his head and adjusted his other one. Damn. He heard a noise in the bathroom. Concern overcame reluctance and he went to see.

‟You okay?‟

The light was on, and Toby was sitting on the closed toilet - his head in his hands. ‟If you‛re going to live here, you can‛t ask that question ten times a day.‟

‟Sorry.‟ Elliot leaned against the doorway. ‟Can‛t sleep?‟

Toby‛s eyes darted away. He stood. ‟I was looking for that Toby fellow.‟

‟The one I owe all those kisses to?‟ Elliot tried not to smile. He wasn‛t backing away from this conversation.

‟Yeah. That guy.‟ Toby ducked his head. ‟He‛s a little shy.‟

Elliot raised his eyebrows. ‟You sure? He carries a big knife.‟

Toby looked up and grinned. Elliot held out his hand. It was as far as he could go. Toby slapped his down, and they were on Toby‛s bed faster than Elliot would have believed possible. Elliot discovered again that breathing was over-rated. Toby groaned and rubbed him up and down.

‟Feels so good,‟ Toby muttered.

Elliot moved his lips back up to swallow any more words. If Toby could still talk, Elliot wasn‛t doing this right.

*********

Toby smelled him first. It clogged his nostrils, and he breathed it deep. Instead of opening his eyes, he found some skin to lick. He heard a soft groan and traveled faster. There was light against his eyelids, but he had the day off, and he wanted to do this. Flicking his tongue, he found his target.

‟Before coffee?‟

Toby chuckled and settled down to do some serious sucking. This was better than coffee. Elliot‛s hand tangled into Toby‛s hair and Toby relaxed his throat. He hadn‛t forgotten the trick of it.

‟Toby!‟

Toby gripped Elliot‛s ass hard and made him groan and buck. He didn‛t resist the gentle pull that took him to Elliot‛s mouth. ‟Good morning, Elliot.‟

‟It is now.‟ Elliot kissed him, stroking with one hand. Toby pushed back into it and tried to die from lack of oxygen. Those kisses would be worth dying for. His orgasm burst out of him, and he collapsed away from Elliot‛s mouth, laughing softly. Elliot held him close. ‟I still want coffee.‟

Toby drew in a huge breath of air and let it out slow. ‟I‛ll see what I can do, but you‛re going to have to turn loose of that.‟

‟Oh, yeah.‟ Elliot kissed him and rolled off the bed. Toby just lay there for a long moment. He‛d never thought to be this happy again. He put his hand on his heart and was glad it was still beating, and that didn‛t happen every day. Dimly, he heard Elliot banging aroud, and the sounds comforted him. Opening his eyes, he found some sweats and went to start the coffee. Maybe for one day - one day - he could be happy.

‟That better not be decaf.‟

‟I love you way too much to pull that shit.‟ Toby saw the way his words made Elliot‛s eyes widen. Elliot looked panicked. Toby wanted to curse himself for dropping the L word, so he shrugged and growled, ‟But touch my orange juice and I‛ll shank the shit right out of you.‟

Elliot suddenly grinned. ‟There‛s the ex-con I know so well.‟

Toby made some toast and eggs. It wasn‛t much, but it was what he always had. He made enough for two and pointed when Elliot hesitated. ‟It‛s just eggs.‟

‟I‛m scared of your shank.‟ Elliot helped himself. Toby poured himself some orange juice and sat down at the table. If he were honest, he‛d admit that all he wanted to do today was stare at Elliot and occasionally lick him all over. That would make a damn fine day. Elliot didn‛t seem to notice the drool. ‟I gotta go see someone. Wear that pretty shirt I gave you.‟

‟It‛s dirty. I wore it four days in a row.‟ Toby tried to sound sarcastic. He wore that shirt too damn much, but he wasn‛t going to admit it. ‟Anyway, it‛s my day off. I usually read and play on the computer.‟

‟Computer?‟

‟Laptop. It‛s in my room.‟ Toby didn‛t even go downstairs on his day off, but Elliot didn‛t need to know that. ‟I‛ll be here when you get back. Did Davey give you a set of keys?‟

‟No, and it doesn‛t matter ‛cause you‛re coming with me. I might get ice cream.‟ Elliot raised his eyebrows.

Toby wasn‛t falling for the bait. He wasn‛t six, but it did sound good. ‟Elliot, I don‛t go out.‟

‟What are you afraid of?‟ Elliot was serious now. Toby wasn‛t sure the question deserved a polite answer. Wasn‛t it obvious? He was afraid of having an attack. Elliot frowned. ‟Your head?‟

‟Well, duh.‟ Toby sighed. ‟Things set it off. Bricks, boots, loud car horns, sirens, yelling: I could go on all day.‟

‟What‛s Huang say?‟ Elliot asked casually as he took his empty plate to the sink. ‟Am I doing the dishes or you?‟

‟You.‟ Toby reached behind him and pulled open the small dishwasher. ‟I‛m sure you can manage it.‟ He didn‛t want to talk about Huang.

‟Huang?‟ Elliot didn‛t turn it loose.

‟He says I need to get out more and de-sensitize myself,‟ Toby muttered into his last drink of orange juice. He had to learn to lie to Elliot, who was doing a fine job of loading the dishes. His wife must have trained him well. Toby handed him the glass. ‟He doesn‛t understand what happens when the PTSD happens in public.‟

‟Do people run and scream?‟

‟And call the ambulance and the police and their priest and it‛s just very messy. Staying here is safer.‟ Toby shook his head. He wasn‛t budging. ‟Twice I ended up in a hospital, medicated out of my mind, no idea where I was.‟

Elliot shut the door. He took two small steps and kissed him firmly. ‟You‛ll have me. You look like the kind of guy who likes sprinkles.‟

‟Oh, shut the fuck up.‟ Toby escaped those lips and went to his room to find a shirt. He‛d hide in here until Elliot got back. Elliot came around the corner and threw a shirt at him. Toby caught it, held it up, and sighed. ‟NYPD basketball?‟

‟Yep.‟ Elliot pointed at him. ‟Get dressed. You‛re going, and if I have to haul your ass out of here in cuffs, I will.‟

‟I bet that‛ll be good for my stress disorder.‟ Toby had met stubborn men before, but Elliot was in a league all by himself. Elliot walked away, and reluctantly, Toby groaned and gave up. Going would set off an attack. Elliot would see for himself, and that would be the end of this argument.

Toby put the shirt on, found some jeans, and went to do something with his hair. It was long again, but he hadn‛t grown a moustache. He brushed it and left it loose.

‟You better cut that before Davey starts calling you a shiksa again.‟ Elliot came in the bathroom, taking up far too much space and smiling about it.

Toby shrugged and nearly pushed him in the tub. ‟I don‛t want to go. I‛m safe here.‟

‟Too bad. I want to spend some time with you - in the sunshine.‟ Elliot smoothed his hand through his short hair. ‟And you owe me a favor.‟

‟Do not.‟ Toby left the bathroom. He was six years old today, and he didn‛t remember any favors. If anything, Elliot owed him! Toby hesitated between the living room and his bedroom. He should hide, but it was too late when Elliot dropped his arm around him. Toby glared at him. ‟This is not a good idea.‟

‟We‛ll deal with it. You can‛t be a hermit.‟ Elliot started checking his pockets. ‟My gun‛s at work, but other than that, I‛m ready.‟

Toby took his keys off the hook. ‟Me too,‟ he said glumly.

‟Isn‛t that your phone on the coffee table?‟ Elliot pointed at it.

Toby shrugged. ‟I don‛t carry it.‟

Elliot gave him a squeeze. ‟But, what if I call you?‟

‟You‛re going with me!‟ Toby told himself to breathe.

‟What if we get separated? Get it.‟ Elliot smiled and kissed him on the side of the head. ‟Do it for me.‟

Toby quit trying. He clipped it on his belt. ‟Anything else, Mother?"

Elliot laughed and pulled open the door. ‟I‛d ask if you had your wallet with two different kinds of identification, but I think that would be pushing it.‟

‟It would.‟ Toby had a fifty in his pocket. It was enough. ‟I don‛t even own a wallet.‟

Elliot made a noise that Toby assumed was disgust. Toby managed not to push him down the stairs but it was close. Elliot waited for him to unlock everything. Toby wasn‛t moving quickly, but Elliot was just smiling.

‟You go ahead.‟

Elliot reached in his back pocket, took out his cuffs, and smiled. Toby cursed and went. He turned and locked everything back up. Elliot stood right next to him, smiling. It was enough to make Toby‛s brain hurt. He stuffed the keys away. Elliot escorted him to the car, and they were moving.

‟At least I‛m not in the trunk,‟ Toby muttered.

‟You didn‛t have fun?‟ Elliot quirked an eyebrow at him. Toby groaned and tried not to look out the window. His feet were fascinating. Elliot‛s hand came down on his knee.

‟You can do it.‟

Toby doubted it. He‛d try not to embarrass Elliot but it was his own damn fault. At least Toby wouldn‛t wake up in an ambulance. He tried to relax, rubbing his head. Elliot glanced at him but said nothing. Toby cleared his throat. ‟Where are we going?‟

‟Alphabet City.‟

‟Maybe you should have gotten your gun.‟ Toby looked at him.

Elliot shrugged and tapped his leg. ‟I have my spare.‟

Toby was sorry he‛d asked. He tentatively looked out the window. Elliot was here. Chances were good that he would get through the day. He had to relax. Relax. Breathe. This was better than reading. He told himself that again.

‟Nothing‛s gonna happen.‟

Toby snorted. ‟That‛s what Chris always said, and I always ended up in the hole.‟

Elliot just laughed. Toby wanted to crawl in the trunk.

*********

Elliot thought he understood Toby‛s anxiety, but one day out was not going to kill him. Tomorrow, he could hide in the deli. Parking the car, Elliot check the file again for the address. He didn‛t want to run into the husband. That might make Rosie‛s situation worse. The trick was going to be how to get that done.

‟Toby, I‛m going to need some help.‟

Toby groaned. ‟I was going to stay in the car.‟

Elliot opened Toby‛s door, waited, and put his arm around him. ‟I just need you to go up to the third floor, apartment sixteen, and find out if the man of the house is home.‟

‟And then?‟ Toby was already shaking his head.

‟Ask him for money. Say you‛re homeless.‟ Elliot didn‛t smile. ‟If he‛s not there, we‛re set.‟

‟Where will you be?‟ Toby was frowning.

‟Just out of sight.‟ Elliot pulled him into a hug. ‟This woman might need my help. Give me a hand?‟

Toby was hanging on hard to him. ‟Can I run if the husband is huge?‟

‟Yes.‟ Elliot kept his arm around him and went towards the correct building. He noticed a few strange looks, but he didn‛t worry about it. Toby wasn‛t running off, and Elliot stopped at the top of the stairs. Toby gave him a long look and then walked away.

Elliot could just barely hear.

‟Is your husband home?‟ Toby had knocked, not pounded.

‟No. Can I help you?‟

Elliot went quickly. ‟Rosie, we need to talk.‟ He winced. She had a black eye. Toby scrunched out of the way, and Elliot pulled him inside. She shut the door fast. Elliot put on his most sympathetic face. ‟You have to run. It‛s time.‟

‟Where would I go? Back to El Salvador? I don‛t think so. There is no place.‟

Elliot opened his wallet and pulled out two business cards. ‟Any of these places.‟

She pushed them away. ‟And be homeless? With four ninos? Ay, Dios mio.‟

Toby had his back to the door. Elliot wasn‛t going to quit just yet. ‟You called us. Let us help you.‟

‟It was a fool‛s mistake.‟ She put her hands on her hips. ‟Go now. Before he comes home and hurts you.‟

Elliot stuffed the business cards in her apron. ‟Don‛t let him kill you.‟

Toby opened the door and went out in the hallway. She turned her back on him, and Elliot had to walk away. He didn‛t like it. Toby caught him by the arm. ‟I hear someone coming up the stairs.‟

Elliot yanked him into a shadowed corner. It was the husband, and Elliot pulled Toby‛s body close enough to hide behind. Toby kissed him.

‟American faggots!‟

Toby turned a little and flipped him off. He returned for another kiss, and Elliot let it happen. When the door slammed, they ran. Toby almost beat him to the car. ‟You are fucking insane!‟

‟It‛s the job.‟ Elliot buckled his seat belt and got the hell out of there. It was time for ice cream.

*********

Toby brushed his hair back behind his ears. ‟Stupid. Stupid. Stupid!‟

‟She needs help.‟

‟She‛s fucked. You know it, and I know it. Hell, I‛d give her the money to fly home if she‛d go, but you and I both know that she won‛t.‟ Toby shook his head. That had been nerve-wracking. ‟It‛s a totally different culture!‟

‟I know. I know, but it‛s hard to write anyone off.‟ Elliot shrugged.

Toby sucked in his next explosion. He tilted his head to the side and thought about it. ‟You should have written me off.‟

Elliot said nothing in return, but Toby knew it was true. He had a life and a future because Elliot hadn‛t quit on him. ‟Does her husband work?‟

Elliot frowned. ‟I think he‛s a day laborer.‟

‟If you want to help her, find him a job - a good one. Like janitor at one of the precincts.‟ Toby stroked his hand down Elliot‛s leg. ‟Don‛t speak to her again. Help him.‟

‟You think that‛d work?‟ Elliot sounded skeptical.

Toby nodded. ‟A man without a job, without purpose, is a dangerous man. And if he‛s bringing home good pay, she can squirrel some of it away.‟

Elliot glanced at him. ‟Okay. I‛ll do it. See, I knew you‛d be a big help.‟

‟Can I go home now?‟ Toby whined intentionally. If he was obnoxious enough, Elliot might dump him out. Instead, Elliot parked the car. Toby opened the door without help this time. ‟After ice cream, take me home.‟

Elliot made no promises. They each got a waffle cone and found a place to sit outside. Toby didn‛t crowd him, but they did exchange licks. People were out and about. The sun was shining, and the street was a busy one. Toby was sure his head would explode, but when it didn‛t, he began to relax a little - not much.

‟It‛s nice to have the day off. Maybe I can go see the kids tonight.‟ Elliot smiled, but it wasn‛t at Toby.

Toby was curious about something. ‟Does your wife know that you have a roommate?‟

‟I didn‛t mention it.‟ Elliot was concentrating on his ice cream. ‟And we‛re divorced.‟

‟You‛re Catholic.‟ Toby had a feeling that Elliot would never view himself as divorced. It was why he hardly glanced at women.

‟How‛d you know? I mean, when I was trying to talk to you the first time, you said I was Catholic.‟ Elliot furrowed his brow. ‟It was kinda spooky.‟

‟Chris was Catholic. I thought you were him. I was messed up.‟ Toby hoped he wasn‛t quite as bad as that now. ‟You didn‛t deny it.‟

‟The tattoo is kind of a clue.‟ Elliot crunched his cone. ‟Can I ask you something personal?‟

‟Here?‟ Toby glanced about - there were people close. ‟I‛d rather you didn‛t.‟

Elliot changed chairs and leaned. ‟Did your wife know you were gay?‟

Toby‛s mouth dropped open. He had no idea how to answer that. His wife had known he was weak. She‛d been angry about that. He refused to think about it further. Instead, he ate his ice cream and switched chairs so they were further apart. Elliot didn‛t seem to be in a rush. He was sucking the ice cream out the bottom of the cone and looked fairly ridiculous. Toby grabbed a napkin and handed it to him. Elliot grinned.

‟Elliot, I‛m not gay,‟ Toby said forcefully. When someone glanced at him, he nearly slid under the table. He finished his cone fast, wiped his mouth, and went to get a soda. Elliot would want one also, and Toby bought two.

Elliot smiled and took it from him. ‟Thanks.‟

‟Home?‟ Toby asked hopefully. He‛d had enough.

‟I need to hit the pharmacy, check in at work, and then we‛ll go home. Okay?‟

Toby didn‛t argue, but he was walking home once the car stopped at the pharmacy. ‟There‛s one about four blocks from Davey‛s.‟

Elliot nodded, and they were on the move again. This time, Toby tried to watch the city. He would admit that the ice cream had been nice. Elliot put his hand on him and kept it there and that was better than anything.

‟Still not gay,‟ Toby whispered.

Elliot made a soft sound. ‟Sorry. I was . . . curious. You seem very comfortable with this, and I‛m fumbling worse than a Jet quarterback.‟

Toby nearly laughed. ‟I‛m just as freaked out as you are. I hide it better, having done it before. I‛d planned to get married again. I even had a woman all picked out.‟

‟And?‟

‟And Chris Keller bent me over.‟ Toby didn‛t want to remember it. He‛d re-lived it hundreds of times, and it never ended pleasantly. ‟I‛m not sure what you‛re doing, and I suspect that you don‛t know either.‟

Elliot parked the car. ‟You coming?‟

‟Sure. I like Marek, the guy who works the counter.‟ Toby got out and followed Elliot inside. Being so close to the deli made Toby feel better. He was in his comfort zone. Elliot picked up a basket, and Toby trailed him through the store. When they were both standing in front of the condoms, Toby realized that he‛d been played.

Elliot shot him a grin. ‟Ribbed?‟

Toby rubbed his mouth. He hadn‛t given it a thought, but Elliot obviously had. ‟I‛m going to go buy some gum.‟ He walked away and didn‛t look back. He just didn‛t want to know. Marek smiled, and Toby went to talk to him.

‟No prescription today, Chris?‟

‟Nah. Just bored. Anything new?‟ Toby took out a magazine and flipped through it. His skin felt tight, but he was keeping it together. Elliot was buying condoms! Toby rubbed his forehead and prayed his brain didn‛t ooze out his ears. He wasn‛t gay.

‟That your boyfriend? He‛s handsome.‟ Marek winked at him.

‟He‛s a cop.‟ Toby rolled his eyes. He put the magazine back and caught sight of Elliot raiding the beer cooler. The contents of Elliot‛s basket needed to remain a mystery.

‟He‛s still cute.‟

‟You gay, Marek?‟ Toby didn‛t want to know the answer. He walked out and stood on the sidewalk. Anyone who thought it was cute to be gay hadn‛t been to prison. Gay meant faggot meant death - AIDS, a shank, something. Sex was one thing, gay was another, and Toby wasn‛t gay.

Elliot came out with a bag in one hand and a six of long necks in the other. ‟Are you planning to walk from here?‟

‟Yes,‟ Toby growled. Elliot handed him the beer and walked to his car. He was gone ten seconds later. Toby stared down at the beer and wondered if Elliot was angry. He‛d driven off with hardly a word. Three seconds later, Toby groaned. ‟Fuck, I am gay.‟

Toby made the four blocks last. He didn‛t hurry. That would be admitting that he was weak, and he wasn‛t. Damn it. He might be fucking crazy however. He‛d gaily - he winced - jumped into bed with Elliot without a thought for the long-term consequences. Elliot would have expectations, and he probably think that they‛d have sex a lot of the time.

Toby sat on a bench that wasn‛t far from the deli, put the beer down, and sighed deeply. His dick had taken charge, and now he‛d have to deal with it. And what did Elliot want? Free use of Toby‛s ass? Toby pushed his hair out of his face and leaned back. A couple of women walked by, and he looked - really looked - at them. They were pretty, and they‛d smell good, and he had absolutely nothing against pussy. Tits were nice too.

One of them glanced back and gave him a small smile. He instantly looked away. That was a good way to get a high heel in his crotch. The sound of a siren grew in intensity, and a cop car blew past him. He managed not to wince. Nothing pushed at him. No blackness surged up and he was grateful.

‟Sorry if I pissed you off,‟ Elliot said and dropped onto the bench next to him.

Toby hadn‛t seen him and he gasped. ‟Where the fuck did you come from?‟

‟My mom.‟ Elliot spread his arms out behind the bench. ‟Checking out the girls?‟

‟I glanced at them. They weren‛t bad.‟ Toby tried to recover his equilibrium. ‟Marek asked if you were my boyfriend. I wasn‛t angry at you.‟

‟Why do you care? Ain‛t no big deal. People think what they want. As long as the police don‛t have to be called, who really cares?‟ Elliot smiled.

Toby didn‛t think Elliot grasped the issue. ‟It matters. People start to think one way and suddenly they‛re kicking the shit out of you.‟

Elliot looked right at him. ‟Being gay in New York isn‛t exactly breaking news. Now, if this was, say, Kansas, we could be in trouble.‟

‟You admit that you‛re gay?‟ Toby snapped.

‟A man with as many kids as I have probably wouldn‛t be allowed in the gay union.‟ Elliot was still calm, and it was infuriating. ‟Gay, straight, whatever. It‛s a bunch of bullshit.‟

Toby had no idea what to say to that. Maybe he‛d been in prison so long that he had a warped view of the world, but he doubted it. ‟Your boss?‟

‟None of his damn business what I do with my dick.‟ Elliot sounded firm now. ‟It‛s between me and my priest.‟

Toby was glad he got to skip that trip to the confessional. ‟You‛ll be doing Hail Mary‛s for years.‟ He shook his head and stood, suddenly tired of the talk. There was really only one truth here. He wasn‛t going to kick Elliot out of bed.

‟I‛m going up. You coming?‟

Elliot picked up his bag and the beer. ‟I called Kathy. She‛s bringing the kids over later. Okay?‟

‟Sunshine and children in the same day - my heart may fail.‟ Toby sighed and dug out his keys. He had to get Elliot a set. He‛d ask Davey tomorrow. Turning the last lock, he opened the door and took a deep breath. He was safe.

*********

Elliot was willing to admit that he might have pushed Toby too far today. It was time to back off, let him relax. He had stupidly assumed that Toby was fine with being gay; not that he was. Whatever he was, it was his own damn business. Elliot took his things upstairs and opened a beer before going to put away the stuff he‛d bought. Finished, he sat on the bed and took a long drink. It was time to get some lunch. Toby wasn‛t in the kitchen, and Elliot found some leftovers to heat up. They‛d have to split the grocery bill. He‛d never had a roommate, just a wife, and sleeping with ten other guys in a tent in Kuwait didn‛t count.

In his head, he started making a list: groceries, electric, cable, water, and . . . what else? He wasn‛t sure. Later, when Toby was around, they‛d talk about it.

‟Oh, good. You found some food.‟ Toby opened the fridge and got out a soda. ‟Not much left in there.‟

Elliot swallowed and took a drink of beer. ‟I‛m pretty good at scrounging. How much do you think I‛m going to owe you a month?‟

‟For what?‟ Toby sat down across from him - a small frown on his face. ‟Whatever you eat downstairs, you‛ll square up with Davey.‟

‟Okay, but rent? Electricity? Food?‟ Elliot used his most patient voice. His pride didn‛t like where this conversation was going.

Toby took a long drink, put it down, and grinned. ‟How‛s three grand a month sound?‟

Elliot‛s mouth fell open.

Toby laughed and left him sitting there. That was not funny. Elliot put his plate in the dishwasher, grabbed his beer, and went to find him. He was lying on the bed, a laptop in front of him, reading or faking it.

‟Nah, that‛s not enough. How about five?‟ Toby drawled.

Elliot found a spot and sat down hard enough to make Toby bounce. ‟Asswipe.‟

‟Patronize me, will ya? I‛ll fuck you over.‟ Toby grinned and clicked. ‟I love the internet.‟

‟Good to know.‟ Elliot rolled his eyes. He waited until Toby seemed absorbed in an article and then asked softly. ‟How‛re your kids?‟

‟Fine.‟ Toby flipped over and glared. ‟You prick.‟

Elliot laughed. ‟I‛m not an idiot.‟ He tapped the computer. ‟I bet they were worried about you.‟

‟They don‛t have a clue, and I won‛t ever give them one. You won‛t either.‟ Toby shut the lid and pushed it away. ‟Five hundred and you do the grocery shopping.‟

Elliot thought about it. ‟Six hundred and you do it.‟

‟Deal.‟ Toby lay back flat and stretched. ‟Or, forget the money and kiss me.‟

‟Just one?‟ Elliot laughed softly. Maybe he‛d been over-thinking all this. He was always so pushy.

Toby pulled, and Elliot went. Kissing Toby was a hell of a lot different than kissing Kathy. First of all, Toby seemed to want it. Elliot nearly laughed. Toby also wasn‛t soft. He was hard. The change was . . . fine, even good.

‟We square for the month?‟

Toby laughed. ‟Yeah,‟ he groaned out the word. ‟Okay, I admit it. For you, I‛m gay.‟

Elliot kissed him again. ‟Don‛t be so hung up on labels. Next time I have the day off, we‛ll go get some pros.‟ He was joking. There was no way he was wasting money on that.

‟When will that be? Next year?‟ Toby had his eyes shut.

‟If we‛re lucky.‟ Elliot rolled to his back, but kept a hand on him. Toby quickly flipped on top of him. Elliot put his hands on Toby‛s chest. ‟Slow down there.‟

Toby smiled down at him. ‟I was testing your cop reflexes.‟

‟I‛m sure I failed.‟ Elliot put his hands behind his head. He was going to try to weasel more information out of him. ‟Where are they?‟

‟Still don‛t know.‟ Toby took his hand and ran it over Elliot‛s face. Elliot wasn‛t sure how he felt about that. Toby lifted Elliot‛s shirt. ‟I just want to look.‟

Elliot didn‛t think he minded. He leaned up a little and took off his shirt. ‟When will you see them?‟

Toby‛s fingers poked and prodded. ‟No scar here. Nothing there. I think you‛re heavier than he was.‟

Elliot listened to him mutter about Chris before pressing again. ‟You will see them, right?‟

Toby looked him right in the eye. ‟If we think it‛s safe.‟

Elliot didn‛t understand this at all. ‟Toby, don‛t you want to be with them?‟

‟I‛d like to see them.‟ Toby lowered his head and pushed his hands through his hair. ‟They don‛t know me, Elliot, and I won‛t risk them for an awkward reunion.‟

‟So go live with them!‟ Elliot tried not to yell, but he wanted to make his point.

Toby left the bed and the room. He didn‛t come back. Elliot put on his shirt, found his beer, and went to watch TV. That hadn‛t worked. Toby had all that money, and yet he lived over a deli. It didn‛t make a damn bit of sense. Elliot finished his beer and watched some show about cars. He was sure about one thing: Toby would be glad when Elliot went to work.

*********

Toby turned on the light in the freezer and started organizing. It had been a while since he‛d taken the time, and Davey hated a mess. The cold seeped slowly into his bones, but he didn‛t care. His thoughts were on Elliot, not slabs of meat. Elliot didn‛t get it. Maybe he couldn‛t, and Toby wasn‛t sure how to explain it. His children had good, stable, rich lives. They didn‛t need him. Harry didn‛t know him at all. Sure, he could fly to wherever and try to insinuate himself, but it wouldn‛t work. Not after all the years and not with his brain the way it was.

Angus was their father. Not him. The pain had receded to a dull ache over the years. There was nothing to discuss. They had their lives, and he had something here. It wasn‛t much, but it was about all he could handle. Next year, if he were better, he might ask to see them, but right now, it wasn‛t possible.

Finished, he blew a cold breath and dashed out. He shivered and rubbed his arms. And the money thing was frustrating. He didn‛t want Elliot‛s money. There was a small rap on the door, and Toby went to get it. He didn‛t know who it could be on Saturday.

‟Hello, is, um, Elliot Stabler here?‟

Toby let in the blonde woman with three teenagers in tow. This had to be Kathy. ‟Come in. I‛ll yell at him.‟

She smiled nervously. Toby only threw one lock. She might want to dash out of here. He went to the bottom of the stairs and yelled up. ‟Elliot! You have company!‟

Toby smiled at her so she‛d know it was fine and went to the much smaller back room to make sure they had enough of everything for the next week. He heard Elliot come down the stairs, but he didn‛t want to suffer through an awkward introduction.

‟Chris, come out here, will ya?‟ Elliot wasn‛t going to leave this alone, but at least he‛d remembered the right name.

Toby slunk out. He didn‛t want to do this. ‟What?‟ The kids were gone upstairs.

‟Chris Keller, meet Kathy Stabler.‟ Elliot didn‛t smile. ‟If you‛re going to be around the kids, Kathy wants to know you‛re not a serial killer or something.‟

Toby couldn‛t reassure her about anything. ‟I won‛t be around much.‟

‟Elliot, if this is some pathetic attempt to get me back, you can stop now. Couldn‛t you find a real apartment?‟ Her voice was almost shrill. Toby wanted to cringe.

‟It‛s a nice place!‟ Elliot put his hands on his hips. ‟If I wanted you back, I‛d think of something better than this!‟

Kathy glanced at Toby, who wanted to fall through the floor. ‟Are you married, Chris?‟

‟Widowed.‟ Toby went with that. It made him look less gay. He desperately wanted to walk away, but Elliot was giving him a look.

‟Kathy, he‛s fine. Trust me.‟ Elliot‛s brows were down. He looked pissed.

‟Are you a cop?‟ Kathy was talking to him again.

Toby shook his head. He felt like a complete and total fuck up, and he hadn‛t done anything. ‟I work here. Hey, I‛ll stay away from your kids. It‛s not a problem.‟

Kathy gave him a scorching look. ‟Elliot, one screw up and you‛ll be hearing from my lawyer.‟

Toby had to walk away. He couldn‛t take it. He wanted to punch her in the mouth for acting like such a bitch to Elliot. Toby grabbed a broom and went out the back door. He‛d sweep. He knew he looked disreputable, but she had seen a threat to her children. It hurt. His own kids would probably run in fear. He leaned against the broom and wished that he had been a better man from the beginning. If he hadn‛t hated himself so much, his life would have been different. No booze, no dead children, no Chris Keller, none of it. He took a breath too much like a sob and pushed it all away again.

‟You okay?‟

‟Go be with your children.‟ Toby didn‛t look at him. The wind picked up and swirled some old leaves, and he watched. That was him - always spinning. His kids were better off without him.

*********

Elliot didn‛t like the look on Toby‛s face, and he didn‛t like the fact that Kathy had put it there. Was it so hard for her to trust him?

‟Dad!‟ Dickie‛s grin was a mile wide. ‟Nice place!‟

Elliot shut the door to the stairs. ‟Thanks. It‛s better than the old apartment.‟

‟Much,‟ Kathleen said. ‟That long-haired guy lives here too?‟

‟Yes,‟ Elliot said cautiously. He didn‛t want his daughter insulting Toby. Kathy had been bad enough.

She shrugged. ‟His hair is prettier than mine.‟ And she giggled.

Elliot relaxed and started passing out hugs. It was good to see them. He was greedy for every minute that he could get.

‟Are there cookies downstairs?‟ Dickie grinned. Elliot laughed. He would do this now, and later he‛d find Toby and try to make it better.

********

Toby swept the steps clean and picked up some trash. Going inside didn‛t seem like a good idea, but when the alley was probably cleaner than it should be, he went in to wash his hands. He smoothed his hair back, dug in his pocket for a rubber band, and pulled it back.

‟Your hair is really, really long.‟

Toby nearly jumped. He tried to smile at the young man. ‟It grows.‟ He tentatively stuck out his hand. ‟Chris Keller.‟ It was almost natural now. Toby might crawl in bed with Elliot, but Chris worked in the deli and tried to face the world every day.

‟Richard Stabler.‟ The boy grinned and shook Toby‛s hand. ‟I‛m glad Dad is living here now.‟

Toby took a shot in the dark. ‟Because of the food?‟

‟Yep.‟ Richard laughed. ‟It‛s also nicer. Poor Dad couldn‛t afford much, not with child support.‟

‟And he told you this?‟ Toby hooked the stool with his foot and sat down.

Richard blushed. ‟Nah. I overheard him talking to Mom.‟

Toby watched him poke into corners. The boy was nosy, like his father. He might make a fine policeman. ‟Did you feel guilty?‟

‟It was an accident. I had to go to the bathroom.‟ Richard looked slightly indignant now. ‟Are you his friend?‟

‟Dunno yet.‟ Toby shrugged. The less said about that the better. ‟I usually don‛t like cops.‟

Richard frowned and drew himself up taller. ‟He‛s a detective, and he tries to help people.‟

Toby smiled, but not much. Richard loved his dad, and it was nice to witness first hand. ‟Well, I‛ll get to know him before I make up my mind. Hey, you hungry?‟

‟You bet!‟

Toby laughed and stood. ‟Let‛s see what we can find.‟ He was more determined than ever to find a way not to take Elliot‛s money. Richard‛s smile and enthusiasm lodged in Toby‛s heart and carved out another small ache for his own son.

‟Dickie!‟

Toby smothered a giggle at the instant anger on Richard‛s face. Richard rolled his eyes. ‟Dad!‟

Elliot came down the stairs. ‟Sorry, Richard, but don‛t pester Chris. He has a life.‟

Toby blinked. He did? ‟We were finding some food, but we can stop.‟

Richard groaned. Elliot smiled. ‟He‛s in a growth spurt. Eats more than a battalion.‟

‟Dad was a Marine!‟ Richard was proud - that was plain to see. ‟How about you, Chris?‟

Toby shook his head. ‟I‛ve never done anything like that.‟ He unclipped a bag of chips. ‟Here, Richard.‟ He tossed them.

Richard caught them quickly. ‟Thanks!‟ He pounded back upstairs.

Elliot rolled his eyes. ‟Start a tab.‟

‟Will do.‟ Toby didn‛t watch him leave or blow him a kiss. His words came back to him, and he realized that he didn‛t know Elliot all that well, but Elliot‛s son loved him and that was a stellar endorsement. Toby found Davey‛s book and started a tab for Elliot.

That done, he considered going upstairs. He did live there. Elliot‛s kids would have to get used to it. Toby‛s watch beeped and he sighed. He had to eat and take his meds. Same time every day, whether he liked it or not. His head had behaved today though, so he wasn‛t going to complain too much. He made himself a sandwich and ate it quickly. Now he had to go upstairs. He went up quietly and tried to slide through the room without being noticed.

‟We‛re going out to eat. Want to go?‟ Elliot looked slightly hopeful.

Toby didn‛t even consider it. ‟No, but thanks. Take my keys. I‛m going to lie down.‟

Elliot frowned now. He came over to him.

‟I have to take my meds,‟ Toby said quietly, forestalling any questions. ‟Go on. I‛m fine.‟

‟Okay.‟ Elliot clapped his hands. ‟Let‛s get pizza.‟

The kids seemed happy about that, and Elliot herded them out the door. Toby ducked into the bathroom. He should‛ve been relieved at the silence, but he wasn‛t. It would be very easy to get used to having Elliot around. Toby took the capsule and went to rest. It wasn‛t that he was tired, it was just that he figured this counted as a stressful day, and Huang had told him to give his brain a break when things were crazy. He shut his eyes and concentrated on breathing.

*********

Elliot made absolutely sure to throw all the locks before going upstairs. It was after ten, and he had no idea if Toby went to bed early. Elliot shut the door softly. Toby wasn‛t on the sofa, and Elliot wasn‛t going to look in Toby‛s room.

‟Glad it‛s you.‟

Elliot jumped. ‟Who else would it be?‟

‟The Aryans come to mind.‟ Toby scratched his belly, right above his boxers. Elliot had noticed the lack of clothes right away. His jeans were suddenly tight. He swallowed hard. Toby waved his hand. ‟Lock the door.‟

Elliot turned and did it. When he turned back, Toby was gone. Elliot managed a shallow breath and went to his room. He stripped off his shirt and told himself to forget it. Toby had looked tired. He didn‛t need a pushy cop in his bed. Elliot brushed his teeth, pissed, and looked in the mirror. He was a fool, but he was going.

Toby was under the covers. He looked asleep, but Elliot knew better. ‟You, uh . . .‟

‟Yes,‟ Toby said, but he yawned at the end of it. He didn‛t look wildly enthusiastic.

Elliot crawled in and curled around him. ‟I won‛t ask the question.‟

‟Good,‟ Toby muttered. He tugged Elliot closer. Elliot shut his eyes and held him. After all the nights of holding nothing but his pillow, it was more than nice. Toby squirmed a little, but then he seemed to fall asleep. Elliot kissed him once on the back on the neck and then shut his eyes. The night fell away from him, and he felt lips press into his. He responded instantly, and it was gone. Opening his eyes wasn‛t possible, so he reached, but felt nothing. Sleep tugged at him, and he gave in to it.

*********

Toby kissed Elliot because he was close and checked the clock - four a.m. Shit. It was his magic hour. His brain loved this time in the morning. He had no idea why. He‛d really only noticed it since he‛d had a home, but he knew he‛d been doing it for years. Occasionally, he was able to go back to sleep. That wouldn‛t be possible this morning. He was wide awake. Quietly, he grabbed up his laptop and went out to the kitchen.

The internet was always interesting, and he‛d find something to read, but first he checked his email. His mouth fell open and stayed that way.

Toby,

Coming to New York. Don‛t bother to argue as we are already in flight. Situation demanded it. We‛ll contact Detective Stabler at SVU upon arrival. I assume that he‛ll have your particulars.

Regards, Angus

Toby clicked his jaw shut, pushed the laptop away, and put his head in his arms. He had to breathe. Breathe. Oh, God.

*********

The smell of coffee woke Elliot up, but there was no one in the kitchen when he got there. He sat down and had a mug anyway. Leisurely, he dressed in jeans and a decent shirt. He‛d go to work for a few hours today. Television was boring, and he was curious as to where Toby had gone so he went downstairs.

Toby was sitting in the backroom on a stool. He wasn‛t moving, and he looked up wildly when Elliot stepped close to him. Elliot lifted his eyebrows and moved back. ‟What‛s up, Toby?‟

‟It‛s Chris, damn it!‟ Toby jumped to his feet and shoved Elliot back. Elliot‛s shoulders hit the freezer and shock echoed through him. Toby put his finger in Elliot‛s face. ‟Don‛t you ever tell anyone I‛m here. Do you hear me? No one!‟

Elliot raised his hands and frowned. ‟I wouldn‛t do that. What‛s this all about?‟

‟It‛s about you knowing who I am.‟ Toby backed off, but he still looked mad as hell. ‟Not a fucking soul. Got it?‟

‟Got it.‟ Elliot wasn‛t going to make the mistake of trying to touch him. Something had happened during the night, and he was going to have to piece it together because Toby was out of control. ‟I went to too much trouble to kill you to wreck it now.‟

‟You sure as fuck better keep your word.‟ Toby glared, lowering his head. ‟No one! I don‛t care if the fucking Pope asks for me!‟

Elliot nodded. He heard the front door open and shut, and it was time to settle him down. ‟I never break my word, and you have it. Can you take a deep breath?‟

‟Fuck me.‟ Toby stepped back further and put his hands on his hips. ‟I should probably just leave. Fuck! Why the hell does this happen to me?‟

‟What‛s wrong, Chris?‟ Davey came through the door, frowning. ‟One day and you two are already fighting?‟

‟Everything is fine,‟ Elliot said patiently. He shrugged and watched him closely. ‟Right, Chris?‟

Toby snorted and slammed out the back door into the alley. Davey stared and then slowly looked at Elliot. ‟I have never seen him like that. He is furious!‟

‟At me.‟ Elliot rubbed his face. He would never break his word to Toby, but convincing him of it wasn‛t easy. ‟He‛s afraid that I‛ll tell someone the truth about him.‟

Davey took off his jacket and hung it up. ‟Would you?‟

‟No!‟ Elliot sighed. ‟Should I go after him?‟

‟You want a bloody nose?‟ Davey shook his head. ‟He‛ll work it out. He is always the reasonable man.‟

‟Well, someone pushed him right over the edge between last night and this morning.‟ Elliot had a feeling that Toby would come back soon. Toby was too much of a homebody to be gone long.

Davey rubbed his hands together. ‟I have to open. Go elsewhere or put on an apron.‟

‟I‛m gone.‟ Elliot had everything he needed so he went out the back door. He‛d walk to work, but he didn‛t get far. Toby was by the dumpster, curled up on the bricks, and Elliot practically ran to him. ‟It‛s okay,‟ he said softly.

Toby latched onto him. ‟Hurts so much. Can I please not remember?‟

Elliot pulled them together. ‟You‛re okay. I got you, and no one is going to find you.‟

Toby let out a long sob, collapsing on him. ‟Please, please don‛t betray me like he did.‟

‟I won‛t. I swear.‟ Elliot stroked Toby‛s hair out of his face. Toby wiped his eyes and then stiffened. Elliot knew what was coming. He held him tighter and whispered nonsense to him while he went to a very dark place. Sometimes, Toby talked or yelled, but not always, and he didn‛t now. He rocked and silently cried. Finally, he went limp, and Elliot didn‛t try to get him up.

‟I have a pill that I need to take,‟ Toby whispered. He struggled, and Elliot got up fast, pulling him to his feet. Elliot didn‛t let him fall. They made their way back inside, and Toby leaned on him heavily.

‟He is hurt?‟

‟He had a bad one.‟ Elliot practically carried Toby up the stairs and to the bed. ‟Which pill?‟

‟The Ativan - just one.‟ Toby‛s eyelids were drooping. Elliot got one and a cup of water. Toby took it fast. ‟I have to rest.‟

Elliot stroked his hand across Toby‛s forehead. ‟Sleep it off. I‛ll leave you alone.‟

Toby was already out. His hand stayed tangled in Elliot‛s shirt until Elliot moved it away. Elliot stared down at him and tried to make sense of it, but he didn‛t have enough information. He pulled Toby‛s shoes off and tucked a blanket around him. If moving in here was going to cause problems, he was leaving, and soon. He stepped out into the living room, unsure of what to do, and his phone rang.

‟Stabler.‟

‟Elliot, I need you down here at the precinct, ASAP.‟

‟On my way, Captain.‟ Elliot was moving before he‛d shut the phone. Davey was behind the counter, and Elliot went to him. ‟I have to go to work. Chris is sleeping.‟

‟Go. I will be here.‟ Davey nodded. Elliot walked quickly to the precinct. He stopped at his locker, got his gun, and reported to Cragen‛s office.

Cragen looked up and pointed at him. ‟You have some visitors. I put them in the conference room.‟

Elliot was confused. ‟This isn‛t about a case?‟

‟Not directly. Go see these people, and then you‛ll understand.‟ Cragen walked with him. ‟Officially, they were never here, and we never had this discussion.‟

Elliot raised his eyebrows, went inside, and shut the door firmly behind him. His eyes and his brain felt disjointed and he struggled to make sense of what he was seeing. ‟I‛m Detective Stabler. Can I help you?‟

‟Angus Beecher, and I need your help.‟

Elliot shook Angus‛s hand, but his eyes were on the children. The girl was maybe sixteen, and the boy was ten or eleven. It was hard to tell. He was dark-haired, but that face. Elliot scrambled for something to say. Toby‛s attack made sense now. Toby had known they were coming, and he‛d panicked. Elliot bit his lower lip.

‟And this is?‟ He smiled at the girl.

She gave him that awkward teenage look that Kathleen wore so often. ‟Holly Beecher, and this is my brother, Harry. He doesn‛t talk much.‟

Elliot kept the smile on his face, but his heart was breaking in two. He knew all too well their pain, and he was determined not to make worse. ‟How can I help you?‟

Angus didn‛t hesitate. ‟I need to find my brother. He wouldn‛t tell me the false name that he‛s using.‟

Elliot‛s guts clenched. He‛d been very afraid of that. He watched Holly‛s face and decided to ask her a gentle question. ‟Do you remember your father?‟

‟Yes. I visited him in prison, and he came home.‟ Holly‛s voice was firm. ‟I know he‛s scared.‟

Elliot thought that was an astute observation for a teenager. ‟He‛s frightened for the welfare of his children.‟

‟Bloody Nazis,‟ Harry muttered.

Elliot agreed with that. He met the eyes of Toby‛s brother. ‟I made a promise, and I‛m not the kind of man to break it.‟

Angus swiped his hair back in a move that reminded Elliot of Toby. ‟I‛ve spoken at length with Sister Peter Marie. I know Toby has . . . issues, and we know he‛s been living on the street.‟ He glanced at Holly. ‟We need your help to bring him in from the cold.‟

Elliot had to sit down, but he didn‛t. ‟What did he say when you told him that you were coming to New York?‟

‟There was no reply.‟ Angus pulled out a chair and sat down heavily. Elliot did the same. In this job, he was often presented with situations that had no real solutions, but this one was different. He‛d given his word, and it bound him. And Toby had prayed that it would. If he even caught a whiff of betrayal, their relationship was over. Toby would never forgive him, and even worse, he‛d run. Shit. Angus leaned and grabbed Elliot by the arm.

‟You have to help me - him.‟

*********

Toby woke up slowly. He felt as if he‛d been hit with a hammer. The whole word was fuzzy - fuzzier than usual. He made it to the bathroom and splashed water on his face. When he felt steadier, he found his phone and made the call. ‟Dr. Huang, it‛s Chris Keller.‟

‟How bad?‟

‟On the scale of one to ten, I‛d say an eleven.‟ Toby didn‛t laugh. He held his head with one hand and the phone with the other. ‟I took an Ativan.‟

‟Good. What triggered it?‟

Toby tried to breathe. He had to gain control. ‟The dumpster,‟ he lied. ‟Stupid, I know.‟

‟Was it an Oz memory or another one?‟

‟Dunno.‟ Toby didn‛t want to discuss it. It didn‛t really matter. He leaned back and took a deep breath. ‟We done?‟

‟Mark it on the calendar.‟ Huang paused. ‟Keep our appointment. No excuses.‟

‟I will.‟ Toby hung up and went to put a red X on his calendar. If the mere thought of seeing his children could do this, how would he react if he saw them? He might fall over dead. Fuck. He was such a loser. And Elliot? Would he keep his promise? Toby sat down and considered leaving. He couldn‛t see them. He couldn‛t!

*********

Elliot tried to find a loophole. There had to be a way to work this that helped these children without betraying Toby. There had to be. ‟I‛m not sure what to say.‟

‟Take us to him. Please.‟ Angus was earnest now. ‟He and I will work this out.‟

Elliot refused to commit to it despite the look on Holly‛s face. ‟Where have you been living?‟ He stalled for time.

‟England. It was safe, and I attended Oxford to get a graduate degree and then I stayed on to teach.‟ Angus shrugged. ‟I‛ve taken a position at Hudson University.‟

‟From Oxford to Hudson?‟ Elliot was no genius, but that sounded like taking one‛s career down, not up.

‟I‛ll be the Dean at Hudson. I had no chance of advancement at Oxford.‟ Angus didn‛t even blink. His voice was firm. Elliot heard only the truth. Angus ruffled Harry‛s hair. ‟Harry has a terrible English accent now.‟

Harry didn‛t show it off. Holly piped up, ‟Uncle Angus is leaving out the part where he gets married to Veronica Ashley in a month, and we don‛t like her.‟

Elliot knew his eyes widened. He looked straight at Angus. ‟I think that‛s a little too much information. Where is Toby going to fit into this family situation?‟

‟Holly is enrolled in Hudson for the Fall semester. She graduated early. With honors.‟ Angus hesitated. ‟Harry‛s situation is more complicated.‟

‟If you think I‛m living with that skanky ‛ore, you got another thing coming!‟ Harry flashed to his feet and turned his back.

Elliot winced. ‟You are in deep trouble.‟

‟And I need help.‟ Angus rubbed his forehead. ‟I love her.‟

‟Where are you staying?‟ Elliot shifted the subject. He almost felt as if he were in family court.

‟At the Hilton, but I‛ll be living on campus.‟ Angus got to his feet. ‟You‛re not going to tell us, are you?‟

‟I made a promise, but if I can find a way around it, I will.‟ Elliot stood. ‟Give me your cell phone number.‟

‟I don‛t have one yet. Tomorrow, I expect.‟

Elliot dug out a business card and handed it to him. ‟Call me when you get one.‟

Angus put his hand in the small of Harry‛s back and steered him out the door. Holly lingered back and said quietly, ‟Tell Dad that I love him.‟

Elliot hoped he could. He smiled. ‟We‛ll figure this out. It may take a day or two.‟

‟She arrives in three days.‟ Holly‛s bright blue eyes pleaded with him. Angus turned and made a sharp gesture, and Holly sighed. She went, but not quickly. Elliot went to his desk and sat down to think it all through. He knew one thing - he was in trouble.

*********

Toby didn‛t look up with the door opened. He was slicing cheese and didn‛t want to lose part of a finger.

‟Hey, deli-dog. We need some help here.‟

Toby shut off the slicer. ‟Fin, you call me that once more and I‛ll go find my shank.‟

‟His preferred nickname is Cheesehead,‟ Munch said and laughed.

Toby sighed. He‛d had a hard day. ‟The whole gang, huh?‟

‟Cragen ain‛t here yet,‟ Elliot said. ‟He‛s buying.‟

‟Someone better be.‟ Toby found the order form. ‟Okay, I‛m ready.‟ He took a moment to look Elliot over from top to bottom. Elliot looked smug about something.

‟You listening, shiksa?‟

‟John! Leave Chris alone.‟ Davey took the paper from Toby‛s hand. ‟He‛s had a rough day.‟

Toby rubbed his brow. ‟Well, now they smell blood in the water,‟ he drawled. He listened and got the drinks as they ordered them. Davey could handle the food. Toby wanted to glare at Elliot.

Cragen came through the door. ‟Nothing extra, Davey. I‛m on a budget.‟

Davey laughed. Toby noticed that Davey didn‛t short them. They‛d pushed a couple of tables together and seemed to be thoroughly enjoying themselves. Toby played waiter. He didn‛t usually, but it didn‛t kill him, and he owed these guys. Slowly it sunk in that any of these guys - Benson too - could betray him. He had to trust them all or find another place to live. Shit.

********

Elliot tried to keep a close eye on Toby, without making it obvious. Toby looked tired, but he wasn‛t rubbing his head. He did sigh once or twice, but that could have been Munch‛s fault. Elliot had racked his brains for a solution, but he didn‛t have one other than honesty. Telling Toby might solve the problem, but he also might run right out that door and never stop moving. It had to be shame that made him not want to see his children.

‟How‛s that head of yours, Chris?‟ Munch dropped the bomb into a brief moment of silence. Elliot wanted to slide off his chair and hide under the table.

Toby shrugged. ‟Fucked. Why?‟

Elliot controlled a wince. Munch shrugged and began a rather long-winded speech about PTSD and veterans and black helicopters and God only knew what else because Elliot stopped listening.

‟All right!‟ Fin threw up his hand. ‟Give it a rest. He ain‛t no veteran anyway. He‛s an ex-con, and Oz is one of those prisons that a man doesn‛t just walk away from.‟

‟No, we run,‟ Toby said and barked a strange laugh.

‟I‛d love to sit here and chat about the shortcomings of our country, but I have a meeting.‟ Cragen went to pay the bill. He didn‛t come back.

Elliot popped the straw out of his drink. ‟Couple of guys in my platoon came home with PTSD. It ain‛t nothing to joke about.‟

Olivia looked surprised. ‟From Desert Storm?‟

‟Yep. Their families are coping pretty well.‟ Elliot made sure not to look at him.

Munch nodded. ‟Cops with it are almost always drunks.‟

‟Glad the captain didn‛t hear that!‟ Fin snorted in disgust. ‟Gotta run. Catch up with you guys tomorrow.‟

Elliot waved. It was time to get rid of the rest of them. ‟You guys need to beat it. Chris has to mop.‟

Munch and Olivia gathered their things and went home. Elliot cleaned off the table, but kept his straw to chew. He pushed the tables back where they belonged, and Toby came out with the mop and bucket.

‟I am going home. Chris, get a good night‛s rest and don‛t come down tomorrow if you don‛t feel well,‟ Davey said and was gone out the door. Toby turned the sign and started throwing locks. He also pulled down the bars on the windows.

‟I‛d kick your ass out, but you live here.‟ Toby sighed and went back to his bucket.

Elliot chuckled. He found a spot to sit and watch. ‟If I did something to piss you off today, I‛m sorry.‟

‟I‛m just in a bad mood.‟ Toby didn‛t look over at him. ‟You didn‛t do anything.‟

Elliot shrugged and chewed his straw. ‟When‛s the rent due?‟

‟Didn‛t you pay last night?‟ Toby grinned. He never stopped cleaning the floor. Elliot laughed, but he was worried. There had to be a way to do this, but Toby was no fool. He‛d see right through any tricks, and he‛d be pissed, and he was dangerous when angry.

Elliot eased up, threw his straw away, and searched for something to say. ‟So tell me about your kids.‟

‟No.‟ Toby‛s eyes were sharp.

‟You‛re a hard man to get to know,‟ Elliot said softly. He wasn‛t above using guilt, but Toby didn‛t notice - must be the lawyer in him. Toby finished the floor and went to put the mop away. It was several minutes before he came out of the back room. He wiped down the tables, and he didn‛t seem to hurry. Elliot tried again. ‟You think Richard looks like me?‟

‟He‛s going to be tall like you.‟ Toby looked around. ‟Good enough. I‛m going upstairs. Are you going to sit on your ass down here all night?‟

‟You‛re a grouch,‟ Elliot muttered and went upstairs first. He wasn‛t going to get anywhere tonight, but tomorrow he‛d talk to Huang and then decide what to do. Holly had given him three days. If it came down to it, those kids were more important than him. He‛d put them first, and Toby could hate him.

*********

Toby didn‛t want to talk about anything. He wanted sex. The day had been long and he was tired, and he wanted to get fucked. It was as if all his anger had molded into a big pile of lust, and it terrified him. He‛d always been a whore, but he‛d hoped that he‛d put it behind him. Guess not. The sight of Elliot sucking that straw had made Toby‛s cock harder than stone.

‟Going to bed?‟ Elliot asked in a low voice.

Toby groaned and avoided those sexy eyes. Abruptly, the truth burst out of him, ‟I‛m like a bitch in heat tonight. Leave me the fuck alone!‟

Elliot‛s head drew back. He threw up his hands and went to his room, but Toby heard him say, ‟Just forget it.‟

Toby sat down on the sofa and massaged the back of his neck. He felt as if he were going to fly to pieces. ‟I am so fucked up.‟ Slowly, he got up and went to his bedroom. He yanked his laptop off the shelf and opened it. It seemed to take forever before his email account opened. He didn‛t want to click it, but he did.

Toby,

Detective Stabler refused to help us. I implore you to give me your address or a phone number. Holly wants to see you, and Harry is threatening to run off into the city. I‛m your brother, and I need your help.

Please, Angus

Guilt surged through him, and he tried to ruthlessly shove it away, but it wouldn‛t go. His son was going to run away? It didn‛t seem real. And Elliot had kept his word. He‛d kept it. He‛d looked at Holly‛s sweet face and refused her - the cold bastard. Toby pushed himself off the bed and stalked into Elliot‛s room.

Elliot was standing there in nothing but his briefs, hanging up his trousers. ‟What?‟

‟You turned her down?‟ Toby spat the question out. ‟My little girl? You looked right at her and said, ‛Fuck off!‛‟

‟I didn‛t say that!‟ Elliot sat on the bed and pushed his back against the headboard. ‟You didn‛t give me any wiggle room. I mean, Holly is nowhere near as important as the Pope!‟

‟You fucker!‟ Toby rubbed his hand through his hair. ‟I should beat the shit out of you.‟

‟You can try. I keep my promises. Now, that doesn‛t mean I wasn‛t looking for a way out, but you locked me up tight.‟ Elliot yawned. ‟We done?‟

Toby sat on the edge of the bed. He didn‛t know if Elliot‛s fatigue was affected or not, but it was pissing him off. ‟You were going to cave, weren‛t you?‟

‟Dunno.‟ Elliot stretched out his long legs and pushed him with a sturdy foot. ‟She seems nice, but I don‛t owe her anything.‟

‟I do!‟ Toby got up and began to pace. Anger, frustration, and a general sense of sadness all jumbled together. ‟I owe her!‟

‟Sorry.‟ Elliot shut his eyes. ‟Get the light on your way out, will ya?‟

Toby wasn‛t going to do that. Now that they were talking, he had to have answers, and Elliot‛s attitude made him want to yell. ‟How‛s Harry look?‟ He had to know. Elliot curled to his side. Toby got on the bed and poked him in the chest. ‟Answer me or I will kill you.‟

‟I believe you.‟ Elliot laughed. He grabbed hold of Toby and put him on his back. It was fast. Toby took a harsh breath and glared up at him. Elliot smiled. ‟Your son has dark hair, but he looks just like you. He doesn‛t talk very much, but Holly makes up for that. Oh, and he has a English accent.‟

‟No shit?‟ Toby could hardly believe it. He wanted to know more, but . . . but he wasn‛t good enough. ‟They‛ve been in England?‟

‟Yes. Here I thought you were lying.‟ Elliot kissed him and shifted his weight. ‟Angus got a degree at Oxford. He‛s been teaching there, but he‛s taken a job at Hudson.‟

‟I wonder why.‟ Toby tried to take it all in, but his brain was spinning. ‟Angus was angry?‟

‟He wasn‛t happy with me.‟ Elliot put his hand on Toby‛s heart. ‟I‛ll keep my word, but it‛ll hurt them terribly.‟

Toby pushed him off and went to the bathroom. He needed a minute, and he sat on the toilet to breathe. Just breathe. It didn‛t help. He was going to have to face them, and it hurt. They‛d be so disappointed in him.

Elliot went to one knee and held him. ‟They know, and they don‛t care.‟

‟What?‟ Toby didn‛t understand, but he wrapped his arms around him.

‟Angus spoke with Sister Pete,‟ Elliot said quietly. ‟Toby, it‛s no worse than if you were epileptic or had some other health issue. You‛re not on drugs or drinking. You have to give yourself a break and let your children into your life.‟

Toby shook his head, but it meant nothing. ‟I‛m not normal.‟

‟Who is? No one expects you to be, not after living through hell. They love you. Let them.‟ Elliot kissed him on the forehead. ‟Think about it.‟ He gave him one more squeeze and left him.

Toby got up and looked in the mirror. He was brain damaged. How could they love him? He braced his hands against the sink and tried to breathe. Elliot had kept his word. Holly and Harry wanted to see him. There was a problem, and Angus needed help. Toby broke it down into its base parts and tried to understand it all. He stared at his long hair and tired eyes. They deserved so much more than he had to offer, but it was all he had to give.

Quietly, he went back. ‟Elliot, did Angus tell you the problem?‟

Elliot rubbed his face. ‟He‛s getting married in a month. Your children hate her, and I mean that. Harry called her a ‛ore.‟

‟Shit!‟ Toby‛s mind reeled. ‟Married? To a whore? Is he nuts?‟

‟Toby, I don‛t think she‛s a real pro. It‛s just that your kids are making Angus‛s life hell, and he needs help. Holly is going to Hudson in the fall. Harry‛s situation is up in the air.‟

Toby sat on the bed and knew he‛d have to take another tranquilizer to get through all this. ‟She‛s too young.‟

‟She‛s graduated early and with honors.‟ Elliot tugged him close. ‟Are you breathing?‟

‟No.‟ Toby leaned against him and enjoyed it through a haze of confusion and heartache. ‟You didn‛t betray me.‟

‟No, but I wanted to,‟ Elliot said glumly. Toby kissed him to make it better. Elliot smiled. ‟I know this is all hard, but I have faith in you.‟

‟Right.‟ Toby didn‛t believe that. ‟I better up my meds. Fuck. Okay. Tomorrow, after work, can you bring them here?‟

Elliot nodded. ‟Around six. You feel safe here. You‛ll make it.‟

‟If my brain explodes, you‛ll be here?‟ Toby had to know. He was weak, so weak.

‟Yes, but it won‛t.‟ Elliot kissed him and whispered in his ear, ‟You‛re scary when you‛re pissed off.‟

‟Thanks.‟ Toby curled his hand around Elliot‛s neck and pulled. ‟Now, about that rent.‟

Elliot kissed him.

*********

Elliot stopped in shock. ‟What?‟

‟Where did you put the condoms?‟ Toby asked breathlessly. His body bucked up into Elliot‛s again. Elliot lost track of the conversation for a second, kissing him hard and pushing into him. Toby tore his mouth away. ‟Condoms?‟

Elliot groaned. ‟I didn‛t buy any condoms.‟

‟But you were right there!‟ Toby frowned. ‟You moron!‟

‟Hey asswipe, you were the one with the red face!‟ Elliot was angry one second, but laughing the next. ‟I thought you might pass out on me!‟

Toby groaned loudly. ‟Fuck!‟ He pulled Elliot‛s face down close and said, ‟We‛re doing it anyway.‟

Elliot jerked back. ‟What?‟

‟Yeah.‟ Toby kissed him hard and managed enough room to roll over. Elliot stared down at Toby‛s back and swallowed hard. He wasn‛t sure about this - not at all. Toby moved his ass back into him. ‟Hello?‟

‟Wait.‟ Elliot‛s cock brushed against Toby‛s ass and he groaned. ‟This is a bad idea.‟

Toby pressed back hard. ‟You‛re not, and I‛m not. Dr. Huang tested me again. Nothing else to discuss.‟ He reached and grabbed Elliot by the thigh.

Elliot knew he wasn‛t. He had one more rational thought. ‟Lube? Something?‟

‟That‛s for pansies.‟ Toby laughed. ‟Spit and get. Come on!‟

Elliot thought this was a very bad idea, but his dick had other ideas. He spat, slicked, and nudged. It had to have hurt, but Toby pulled them together.

‟Oh, fuck!‟ Toby panted, lowering his head and clutching the covers. Elliot didn‛t think that was pain. He felt Toby spread his legs further and it sent him over the edge. Shoving and pushing, he let his dick do the thinking.

********

Beep! Beep! Beep!

‟What the fuck?‟ Toby rolled over and bumped into Elliot. Elliot slapped his hand down on the clock. Toby stared at Elliot‛s muscular shoulder and reluctantly let last night wash over him again. It had been so good, but it had probably been a mistake. ‟Elliot, uh, about last night-‟ He stopped, unsure about how to go on.

Elliot rolled and pulled him close. ‟My fault. I‛m sorry.‟

Toby frowned. ‟What? I was going to apologize for acting like a complete slut.‟

‟Well, I just apologized for taking advantage of you when you‛d had such a bad day that you couldn‛t have been thinking clearly.‟ Elliot sighed. ‟You‛re not a slut. Trust me - I see them all the time at work.‟

‟Did I sleep through the night?‟ Toby muttered. He had to change the subject. His face was red enough. He checked the clock. ‟Eight? Motherfuck! Davey‛s gonna kill me!‟

Elliot held him down. ‟You needed the sleep. Hang on. Take a breath.‟

Toby did that, but only one. ‟Off. I have shit to do.‟

Elliot turned him loose. Toby kissed him fast and headed for the shower. He‛d slept until eight! It didn‛t even seem possible. Elliot showed up and took the water. Toby hadn‛t shared a shower since he‛d been married. It made the day seem even stranger. Elliot soaped him down. ‟I‛ll call before we come.‟

Toby shut his eyes. ‟We‛re really going to do this?‟

‟Yes. You can do this. You‛re strong enough.‟ Elliot pushed him under the water. ‟Your hair is out of control!‟

Toby laughed. He would do it. If it hurt, it hurt. He was used to pain. ‟Thanks, Elliot.‟

Elliot smiled. ‟I better go to the pharmacy today.‟

‟I better take a tranquilizer.‟ Toby got out and left Elliot to finish. He had slept! It was practically a miracle. Maybe it took an ass-fucking to get him to sleep. He laughed softly to himself. He‛d tell Huang at their next meeting. The thought made him laugh harder. He put on one of Elliot‛s shirts and his jeans.

‟What‛s so damn funny? And quit stealing my shirts!‟ Elliot was very naked.

‟I don‛t have any!‟ Toby laughed. ‟Uh, nothing is funny.‟ He grinned and tried to find his shoes. He‛d gotten naked fast last night. Elliot was putting on his customary suit. He would look good - as usual. Toby picked out the tie. He tossed it at him. ‟This one. You need new ties.‟

‟You need some clothes of your own!‟ But Elliot grinned. ‟I want coffee.‟

‟Downstairs.‟ Toby slicked his hair back into a ponytail and went to work. He was late, but it wasn‛t his fault. It wasn‛t. ‟Sorry, Davey. I overslept.‟

Davey only smiled. ‟I‛m glad you rested. You needed it.‟

‟Today, around six, Elliot is going to bring my kids and my brother here.‟ Toby had to spit it all out at once. ‟I haven‛t seen them since prison.‟

‟And you are nervous. I understand.‟ Davey nodded. ‟Take the day off. Rest.‟

‟That won‛t help. I was telling you just in case I run screaming out into the street.‟ Toby put on his apron. He found another rubber band and braided his hair, tying it off at the bottom. ‟I‛m not joking.‟

Davey sighed. ‟You think too much! Enjoy them. I didn‛t know you were married.‟

‟She divorced me.‟ Toby shrugged. ‟Couldn‛t blame her for that.‟ He blamed her for other things, but those were memories that he didn‛t want to fall into right now. ‟They‛re the reason that I‛m Chris Keller now.‟

‟During World War Two, the children of the Jews were sent to England to keep them safe. It was precaution only, but we know what happened next.‟ Davey‛s eyes glinted with what Toby thought was anger. ‟We have to protect the next generation.‟

‟Exactly.‟ Toby put his hand on Davey‛s shoulder and squeezed. ‟How‛s your mother?‟

Davey raised his hands. ‟I have to find a wife!‟

Toby laughed. ‟And Elliot is going to want breakfast.‟ He got him a cup of coffee and a muffin. It would have to be enough. Elliot came down the stairs two seconds later and headed straight for it. He looked good enough to lick. Toby didn‛t dare smile at him.

‟Thanks. Make sure to call Huang. He‛ll want to know what‛s going on.‟ Elliot took a sip. ‟And get a haircut.‟

‟No. I have another inch before I can donate it to Locks of Love. My kids will just have to scream in fear.‟ Toby went to get his broom. He needed to sweep the step, and it was something to do besides stare at Elliot.

The morning was cool, crisp. It was the end of the April, and he was glad the cold was gone for good. Enough people had died. The city had done nothing for next year, but no one had expected they would. He swept the bricks and looked up and down the street. It was quiet still, and he breathed it deep. Today, he had to keep it all together. Yesterday, he‛d melted down, but he couldn‛t afford to do that again. His kids would have a hard enough time. He couldn‛t make it worse.

Elliot came out and smiled at him. That smile - it made the day even brighter. ‟You‛ll do fine. They love you.‟

‟Keep saying it.‟ Toby leaned against the broom. He didn‛t know what else to say. Words clawed at his throat, but he didn‛t think Elliot would want to hear them. He swallowed it all and started sweeping again. Elliot waved and went towards the precinct. Toby watched him walked away - nice ass on that man.

‟Chris! Is Davey around?‟

Toby turned to face their closest neighbor. ‟I‛ll get him!‟ He went inside and caught Davey‛s attention. ‟What‛s his name from next door wants to talk.‟

‟Why he won‛t just walk down here is a mystery to me!‟ Davey started for the door while he was complaining. Toby stepped back out and finished the sweeping. He had to help stock up for the lunch rush, but he could do this first.

‟What is all the fuss about?‟ Davey‛s voice carried clearly.

‟I‛m selling out, moving to Florida, and I wanted to give you first chance at the building.‟

Toby looked at him. What‛s His Name was smug. Davey would hate that. He shook his head. ‟I‛m a poor man!‟

‟I might have to sell to Subway.‟ What‛s His Name laughed.

Toby was instantly angry. He had never like that guy. Leaning the broom against the building, he strode down to them. ‟Davey, go start the prep work. I‛ll be there in a minute.‟

Davey looked surprised. ‟Chris, do not hit him too hard.‟

‟I promise.‟ Toby smiled and waited until Davey was gone. ‟What the fuck is your game?‟

‟I want top price. Two million dollars and cheap at the price. This is Manhattan!‟ The guy grinned.

‟Your building sucks.‟ Toby wasn‛t a sucker. Even the outside of the building looked like shit. Paint was the least of it. ‟You‛ll be lucky to get a half million, and that‛s if they‛re feeling generous.‟

The fucker shrugged. ‟We‛ll see. Davey‛s had his Jew nose in the air for years. I‛ll enjoy sticking it to him.‟

Toby nearly knocked him down, but held back. He looked over the building again. The layout was the same as his, except this guy had a small upholstery shop downstairs. He‛d never made much money. Toby took a deep breath. ‟I‛ll give you one and a half million. My final offer.‟

What‛s His Name stopped laughing. He looked over his shoulder at the building. ‟Two million.‟

Toby took one small step to put them close. ‟I was prison. I know people. My offer or worry about what happens when you piss me off, and I‛m about there.‟

‟You‛re nothing but Davey‛s crazy butt boy.‟ The fucker narrowed his eyes. ‟I want earnest money. Today.‟

‟Fine.‟ Toby ignored the insult and pulled out his biggest weapon. ‟You‛ll have it all by five.‟

‟Deal.‟ He stuck out his hand. ‟It‛s been nice bending you over.‟

‟Fuck me.‟ Toby went back to work. He‛d probably just screwed up royal, but it was only money, and he owed Davey more than could be repaid.

Davey caught him by the arm. ‟Shall I call an ambulance?‟

‟No, but I have to go upstairs and make a phone call. Okay?‟ Toby should have hit the fucker, but he would find another way to hurt him.

‟Chris, you did nothing foolish, I hope.‟ Davey was such a nice man. He deserved nothing but good things, and Toby wished that for him.

‟Davey, I‛m always a fool.‟ Toby smiled and trotted up the stairs. If nothing else, he could sell it again to someone they could trust. He was relieved that the building across the alley was an apartment building. Buying the entire block was out of the question. He was rich, but not filthy rich. He found his cell phone and started making things happen. Finished, he tentatively pushed the memory button for Elliot.

‟Stabler.‟

‟Hey, um, can I ask you something?‟ Toby felt tongue-tied.

‟Make it quick.‟ Elliot was working, that was clear.

‟Can you help me evict someone?‟ Toby wanted to tell him that he was loved, but that was not a good choice.

‟Not my job, but I‛ll see what I can do.‟ Elliot paused. ‟Keep your cell phone with you.‟

‟I will.‟ Toby took a breath to tell him, and Elliot hung up. Well, that made it easy to say nothing at all. Toby put his phone on his jeans and went back to work. He had to keep his head on straight today.

********

Elliot tucked his phone away. Toby wanted to evict someone? It didn‛t make any sense. Elliot was Toby‛s only renter. Of course, he hadn‛t exactly paid his rent for this month. He didn‛t think after last night-

‟Elliot!‟

Elliot tore his mind out of the gutter and focused on her. ‟What?‟

‟You have a visitor,‟ Olivia said and motioned to the door. ‟Do you know that boy?‟

Elliot wanted to curse and he moved fast. ‟Harry, what are you doing here?‟ He tried to sound calm.

‟She‛s here!‟ Harry shook his head. ‟I ain‛t doing it. She‛s a horrible person!‟

‟Can‛t you try to get along, for Angus?‟ Elliot practically pleaded with the boy. Harry suddenly looked very stubborn, and Elliot had seen that look on Toby‛s face. It was a bad sign. ‟How‛d you get here?‟

‟I took a cab.‟ Harry lowered his head and sulked. ‟‛He‛s my da. I want to see him.‟

Elliot wished he had enough hair to pull. ‟Does Angus know you‛re here?‟ But he had his answer before Harry opened his mouth. Elliot rubbed his forehead. ‟Phone?‟

‟I took off while he was getting one,‟ Harry said.

Elliot gently took Harry over to the desk. ‟Sit down. Angus is probably frantic, and I hope he grounds you until you‛re eighteen.‟

Harry rubbed his hand through his hair, just like his father did. ‟She‛s a blighter. Angus may not be able to think past his pecker, but I can!‟

Elliot happened to see Munch, trying not to laugh. ‟I have to talk to my captain. Don‛t move.‟ He gave Munch a hand signal and went to Cragen‛s office. One thing for sure; he wasn‛t going to get any work done until he dealt with Angus and the kids.

*********

‟Chris, do you think you could help Mrs. Croner with her will?‟ Davey wiped his hands on his apron. ‟I happened to mention that-‟

Toby laughed. He did a thriving business in wills, if only they paid him. ‟When is she coming in?‟

‟This afternoon.‟ Davey grinned. ‟If it‛s a problem, I can call her.‟

‟You did mention that I‛m not a lawyer, right?‟ Toby shut the cash drawer. He had to check on how the purchase for the property next door was coming along and the threat of his kids showing up still hung over his head.

‟Of course!‟ Davey waved his hand towards the right. ‟What are you doing with the putz?‟

Toby pulled out his phone. ‟Let‛s find out where things stand.‟ He stepped in the back and made it quick. The ‛putz‛ was causing trouble, but Toby had faith in his lawyer. Davey looked the question at him when Toby went back out front. ‟He‛s pitching a fit, but he‛ll be gone soon.‟

‟How are you doing?‟ Davey‛s soft question caught him off guard. Toby smiled and shrugged. His head felt fine, and he was remembering to breathe. With luck, he‛d get through the day. The lunch crowd went back to work, and Toby was glad for the relative silence. He cleaned the tables and let himself think of Elliot. Loving him was so easy. Loving Chris had been hard and keeping it had been harder, but Elliot was like . . . ice cream. Toby smiled. He was an idiot, but it was true. Elliot was good no matter what.

The bell on the door jingled, and Toby straightened the last table. He heard Davey say, ‟Can I help you?‟

‟I‛m a mite hungry, but I used all me cash on a cab.‟

Toby turned so fast that his head nearly flew off. He lost the ability to talk or think. Every part of him focused on the young man with the English accent at the counter. In slow motion, he saw Davey smile. Davey never turned anyone away. Toby forced air into his lungs. ‟Harry?‟

The young man whipped around. Their eyes met and something deep inside Toby connected with him. This was his child, his blood, his future. Harry tilted his head to the side. ‟Da?‟

Toby felt his universe expand. ‟Yeah.‟

Harry grinned, and they were hugging. Toby felt the tears run down his face, and he didn‛t care. So much time thrown away, but he had this moment and he was going to hold on tight. Harry tugged Toby‛s braid. ‟Is that your phone ringing?‟

Toby laughed and pulled it out. It was Elliot. ‟What? I‛m busy here!‟

‟There‛s trouble - big trouble. I-‟

Toby instinctively knew. ‟He‛s here. I don‛t know how, but he‛s here. Tell Angus that he‛s here.‟ He shut the phone and ran his hand through Harry‛s dark hair, so much like Genevieve‛s, pulling him close again. ‟You‛re so grounded.‟

‟I know.‟ Harry laughed. ‟I don‛t give a bloody damn either.‟

Toby looked at Davey. ‟Davey, this is my son, Harry. He‛s hungry, I guess. Should we feed him?‟

‟Can he wash dishes?‟ Davey smiled.

Toby nodded. ‟He sure can, and he can mop the floor.‟ He ached to hold his son forever, but it might scare him. ‟Elliot is going to kill him anyway.‟

Harry didn‛t look scared. ‟I snuck out whilst the bobbies were looking the other way. No use sitting around there.‟

‟We‛ll discuss how incredibly stupid that was later.‟ Toby took him to a table. ‟Sit. I‛ll get you some food. You picky?‟

‟Nah.‟ Harry shrugged off his light coat. He was still a beautiful child. Toby went to get him some food.

Davey clapped him on the back. ‟Nice boy, but he talks funny.‟

‟He‛s been in England.‟ Toby smiled and looked at him again to make sure it was real. ‟See what happens when you find a wife?‟

Davey laughed. ‟I hear your pride, and it is deserved. He ran off from Elliot?‟

‟Yeah, but I‛ll let Elliot yell at him. I‛m too happy to see him.‟ Toby felt only joy. The expected fear had never materialized. He knew he could have an attack any minute, and he didn‛t care. Harry was old enough to understand, and he‛d smiled. He still cared, and that was a gift worth more than anything. Toby took him his food and sat down with him to watch him eat. ‟Where‛s Holly?‟

‟With Angus and the whore,‟ Harry said around a mouthful of food.

Toby knew he couldn‛t laugh. ‟Son, I‛m sure she‛s nice enough. What‛s the problem?‟

‟She‛s a whore!‟ Harry took a big drink of soda. ‟Angus can‛t see it, but that don‛t make it a lie. She‛s a bit familiar with me school chums, if you get it.‟

Toby‛s mouth dropped open. ‟No shit?‟

Harry shook his head. ‟None. Angus is damn determined to marry her. She‛s after his money, naught else.‟

Toby rubbed his forehead. ‟Angus is no dummy.‟

‟‛Cept when the whore is around.‟ Harry shrugged. ‟I ain‛t living with her. I‛ll live on the streets like you did.‟

‟No, no you won‛t.‟ Toby took him by the forearm and wished that he didn‛t know that. ‟I nearly froze to death more than once. It‛s hell out there. We‛ll work on this, but no more running away.‟

Harry nodded, but his eyes were quick to look away. ‟Bloody damn Nazis.‟

‟Yes, but, um, should you be cursing all the time?‟ Toby didn‛t remember Elliot‛s boy cursing like a sailor. Of course, Harry was Toby‛s son, and that made all the difference.

‟Good food. Thanks, Da.‟

Toby smiled. ‟You‛re still washing the dishes.‟

‟Blimey.‟ Harry slumped. Toby laughed and reached to ruffle that black hair. His son was home.

*********

‟He‛s with Toby. Stop panicking,‟ Elliot said firmly to Angus, before he exploded again.

Angus threw up his hands. ‟I‛m going to kill him!‟

‟Take a number,‟ Elliot muttered. He was going to have words with Munch also.

Holly jumped in the conversation. ‟Why don‛t you take your fiancé out to dinner? I‛m sure Elliot can escort me to my dad‛s apartment.‟

Angus looked at Elliot. Elliot nodded. ‟It‛s a good idea. Toby can only handle so much in one day.‟

‟You‛re sure?‟ Angus looked adoringly at the young lady that Harry had called a whore. Elliot hated to agree with him, but the truth was sometimes the truth.

Holly smiled brightly. ‟Sounds lovely. You two have fun. Is there room at Dad‛s for us to spend the night?‟

‟He‛ll make room.‟ Elliot knew he‛d be moving out soon, and he couldn‛t blame Toby at all. ‟Angus?‟

‟Angus, darling, the children are safe.‟ She sniffed. ‟Take me somewhere expensive.‟

Holly rolled her eyes, and Elliot rubbed his mouth so he didn‛t laugh. Angus smiled and let her lead him away. Holly snorted. ‟Men are so stupid.‟

‟Guilty as charged.‟ Elliot put his arm around her shoulders. He wasn‛t losing another child of Toby‛s. ‟Can you wait for an hour or so or do I need to cuff you to a desk?‟

‟Oh, I can wait. Harry does what he wants. He‛s smart, but I think his picture is in the dictionary under stubborn.‟ Holly giggled. ‟Thank God you ditched her.‟

‟You did that.‟ Elliot put her in his chair. ‟I really need to work for one hour. Please don‛t vanish.‟ He glared at Munch. ‟Beechers have a tendency to up and disappear.‟

Her attention was on his computer, and she was on the internet in no time. Elliot got her a soda and then went to catch up on the case. This day had been a rollercoaster ride, and he had to get off or throw up.

*********

Toby handed his son the mop. ‟Think you can handle it?‟

‟No prob, Da.‟ Harry shrugged. Toby had smiled so much that his face hurt. He left his son and went outside to see what was going on with his new building.

‟Fuck you, Chris Keller!‟ The putz shot him the finger.

Toby waved and smiled. He didn‛t take it personally, but he thought Chris was somewhere laughing. The putz had to be gone by seven p.m. or the sale was off. He‛d been forced to hire same day movers and that was never cheap. Toby had thought that the fucker might back away from the deal, but he‛d signed it before he read it - the idiot. The sight of all that lovely cash had made him giddy. Well, he was handing it out now.

Elliot was coming home from work. Toby could see him about two blocks away. He looked good, striding along. Toby wondered what Elliot would say to Harry. Taking notes might be a good idea. Elliot had that father shit down pat. Toby saw him slow to cross the street, and he reached to catch a young lady by the arm. They crossed together.

‟Oh, my God.‟ Toby knew his heart had stopped. He rubbed his chest and couldn‛t feel the bricks under his feet any longer. ‟She‛s beautiful.‟

Elliot navigated them both around the movers and the mess on the sidewalk. Holly seemed to float along. She was laughing at something, and Toby wished he could watch her forever. Elliot suddenly pointed, and Holly stopped. She stared and then smiled.

‟Dad!‟

Toby caught her, held her, and tried to take her inside his soul. It was years later that he saw Elliot grinning at him. ‟Thanks, Elliot.‟

‟You realize that I‛m going to have words with your son.‟

‟I made him wash the dishes and mop, and I lectured him about being an idiot, but you go right ahead.‟ Toby kept her close. ‟Holly, when did you turn into a beautiful woman?‟

‟The other day.‟ She poked him with her finger. ‟Are you finished hiding?‟

‟No, but you‛re welcome in my hidey hole.‟ Toby kissed her on the cheek. ‟Hungry?‟

Holly nodded and really looked at the deli. ‟Here? You live here?‟

‟Upstairs.‟ Toby nodded. He was more worried than he‛d say about what she‛d think. ‟It isn‛t much.‟

Elliot went inside, and Toby kept his hand on Holly as they followed him. She looked around. ‟It‛s nice, but you never seemed to like cooking.‟

‟Mostly, I mop.‟ Toby looked the floor over. ‟Harry, you missed under the booths!‟

Harry groaned, but laughed until he saw Elliot. ‟Bugger it all.‟

Toby caught Elliot‛s attention. ‟Wait until after you‛ve eaten. You look really grouchy.‟

‟It was a very long day, and I thought I‛d killed your son.‟ Elliot glared. ‟This is New York City!‟

Harry stepped over to him. ‟Damn sorry. I ain‛t going to live with her. Sometimes, I‛m a bloody fool.‟

Elliot sighed and put his hand on Harry‛s shoulder. ‟Thank you for apologizing, and I suggest you stop cursing all the time!‟

‟Told ya,‟ Toby said. He went behind the counter. ‟Food first, and then everyone can complain some more.‟ He had a hard time believing his eyes. Both of his children were in the same room with him. It was a miracle in the rain, and he wanted to soak in every drop.

‟One crumb on me floor and I‛ll murder ye all!‟

Toby found Elliot‛s eyes on him. ‟You okay?‟

‟Isn‛t that my question?‟ Elliot asked quietly.

‟Yes, but I can tell by your forehead that you had a hard day.‟ Toby was trying desperately not to smile. ‟Thanks for helping them out.‟

Elliot came around and started getting drinks. ‟Let‛s see - I lost your son, and Holly found a way to ditch Angus and his fiancé. Yeah. I‛m good.‟

Toby laughed. He knew he shouldn‛t, but he was happy, and it was very strange. ‟You did your best.‟

‟Who was that guy yelling curse words at you?‟ Elliot asked softly after delivering the drinks to a table.

‟Davey calls him the putz next door.‟ Toby wasn‛t ready to talk about that yet. ‟He sold his building and is moving to Florida. He doesn‛t like me.‟

‟No kidding.‟ Elliot took the kids their food. ‟You eating?‟

Toby shook his head. ‟I had to eat earlier. Don‛t worry.‟ He‛d taken half an Ativan also, but he‛d needed it after working with Mrs. Croner on her will. He made Elliot a big sandwich and got him some of Davey‛s good soup. ‟Go eat. I‛ll clean up and come sit in a minute.‟

‟Thanks.‟ Elliot went to sit with the kids. Toby smiled at them all and started cleaning. He felt blessed beyond any man on the planet.

********

Elliot didn‛t really listen to the chatter. He ate. He was hungry, having skipped lunch in a panic over Harry, who had managed to give the slip to a squad room full of cops.

‟Keller, you fucker! I‛m out! You happy?‟

Elliot was instantly on his feet.

Toby came out from behind the counter. ‟Yes. You have a half an hour to make sure you didn‛t forget anything.‟

‟Fucking lawyer!‟

Elliot recognized the guy from next door. ‟Settle down. Chris doesn‛t want any trouble.‟

‟I know! Because he‛s a prison pussy!‟

Elliot had heard enough. He flashed his gun, badge, grabbed the putz by the arm, and marched him out of the deli. ‟Enough or I‛ll arrest you myself.‟

‟You‛re a cop?‟ the putz squeaked.

‟Yes. Go make sure you didn‛t forget anything.‟ Elliot gave him a push. ‟I‛ll be over in thirty minutes.‟ He watched him leave. He‛d go in twenty minutes just to make sure the guy behaved.

Toby opened the door for him. ‟I could‛ve handled him.‟

‟I didn‛t like his mouth.‟ Elliot shot a look at Harry.

Holly and Harry both looked stunned. Toby rubbed his hand through his hair. ‟Sorry about that. I bought the building, and he‛s angry at me.‟

‟Another one?‟ Elliot sat down in front of his food. He was still hungry. ‟What for?‟

‟He was threatening to sell it to Subway, and I lost my temper.‟ Toby blushed. He sat next to Harry and put his arm around him. ‟This is New York City. People are . . . less than polite, but that doesn‛t mean I want you cursing.‟

‟Why did he call you Chris?‟ Holly asked softly.

‟That‛s a long story.‟ Toby sighed. ‟But everyone knows me now as Chris Keller. Tobias Beecher is, well, dead.‟

Elliot patted her hand. ‟We had to kill him to get the Nazis off his back. It wasn‛t ever going to end otherwise.‟ He smiled for her. ‟I miss him.‟

‟Funny.‟ Toby kicked him under the table.

Elliot ate while Toby explained it all. Toby didn‛t use little words, and he wasn‛t afraid to tell them the gory details. Elliot wasn‛t sure he‛d have been so honest with his kids, but after prison, it might seem mild. He finished every bite before going next door. The putz was gone. Elliot went back and opened the door to the deli. ‟He‛s gone.‟

Toby nodded. ‟Let‛s go check it out.‟

Elliot went first and turned on all the lights. ‟Uh, well, what an investment.‟

Toby laughed. ‟I‛m not as smart as I used to be.‟

Holly was more honest. ‟This is gross. I‛ll be over at the deli.‟

Elliot poked in a few corners. ‟What‛s the plan?‟

‟I don‛t have one. Let‛s go up and see what the apartment is like.‟ He opened the door to the stairs, and Elliot followed him.

‟The good news is that he‛s gone.‟ Elliot had seen worse, but this was pretty bad. He took Toby by the hand and gently pulled on him. ‟You okay?‟

Toby came to him easy and hugged him tightly. ‟That‛s better.‟ His voice was muffled by Elliot‛s suitcoat. Elliot kissed him. Toby gave him back three or four more. ‟Thanks.‟

Elliot didn‛t know what for and it was time to talk seriously. ‟I‛ll move out. Harry is going to be living with you whether you like it or not.‟

Toby sighed and slumped. ‟I don‛t want you to go.‟

‟Sorry, but I‛m not sharing a room with you in front of your kids.‟ Elliot meant that. He wasn‛t that kind of man. It was fine for some men, but he wouldn‛t be able to look himself in the mirror. He looked around the trashed apartment. ‟Are you going to fix this up or demo it?‟

Toby pulled his face away and took another look. ‟Clean, some paint, it would be liveable. The appliances aren‛t bad.‟

Elliot pulled him towards the door. ‟Let‛s go back to your kids.‟

Toby dug in his heels. ‟I don‛t want to lose you.‟

‟You‛re not gonna.‟ Elliot didn‛t know how they‛d work it out, but he wasn‛t going to walk away. He cared too much. ‟How much did you pay for this dump?‟

‟You don‛t want to know.‟ Toby laughed. Now he followed Elliot back to the deli. The kids were nowhere in sight, but Elliot thought he could hear the television upstairs.

‟Let me close down here. Do you mind going up and making sure Harry doesn‛t run off?‟ Toby was already throwing the locks.

Elliot nodded and went upstairs. He‛d change into some casual clothes. It was time to move again. He should‛ve kept the boxes, and this time, he had nowhere to go.

*********

Toby took a very deep breath and shut his eyes. The thought of Elliot leaving made him want to scream. He tried to breathe evenly. His brain had been quiet all day, and he didn‛t want to rock the boat. He made sure the deli was clean and locked up tight before going slowly up the stairs. The TV was on, and his kids were sprawled with sodas and popcorn. Elliot was in jeans, a T-shirt, and a smile that made Toby‛s heart ache.

In a flash, Toby knew that this was what he wanted. Elliot and his kids, and if that made him greedy, well, he was. But after so many years of nothing, couldn‛t he have it? He sat down on the floor and stole a handful of popcorn.

‟Okay, now that you‛re here, we have to talk,‟ Holly said. ‟My intention for Fall is to attend Hudson University, and I had planned to live on campus.‟

Toby remembered only the little girl, and it made him smile to see her acting like an adult. ‟And?‟

‟And Harry wants to live with you.‟ Holly glanced at Elliot. ‟And Elliot already lives here.‟

‟I‛m moving out,‟ Elliot said and shrugged. ‟No big deal.‟

Toby swallowed hard at the casual words. They hurt, and he couldn‛t show it. ‟We could leave. Davey could find someone else.‟

‟Leave Davey in the lurch?‟ Harry shook his head. ‟Keep thinking, Sis.‟

Toby patted Harry‛s knee. ‟Davey‛s a good guy, but he‛d get through.‟

‟But this is your home. I can tell, and moving might not be good for you.‟ Holly frowned. She suddenly pointed at the kitchen. ‟Is that the building next door?‟

Elliot reached and turned her finger the other way. ‟The bedrooms are against the outer wall. On the other side is the kitchen. Same layout as this one.‟

‟Well, there you go, Dad.‟ Holly smiled at him. ‟Knock a hole in the wall.‟

Toby didn‛t think it was that easy. The thought of the building codes alone was enough to make him cringe. ‟The place reeks.‟

‟You said with some paint and a good cleaning, it‛d do.‟ Elliot looked right at him and nodded. ‟I could take a few days off to paint.‟

‟You get vacation days?‟ Toby was stunned. ‟Well, okay, but who is living where?‟ He reminded himself to keep breathing.

‟We got another problem,‟ Harry said. ‟All our shit is coming from ruddy England toot sweet.‟

Toby rubbed his forehead. He was trying hard not to laugh. Elliot had a mouthful of popcorn, so he was no help. Toby tried, ‟Harry, quit cursing. Okay?‟

‟Bloody ‛ell,‟ Harry whispered.

Holly spoke up. ‟He‛s right. We‛ll have to get that building cleaned up so we have a place to store it while we work on the upstairs.‟

‟She has all the answers,‟ Elliot said dryly.

Toby laughed. He went to get a soda and came back. ‟Okay, so tomorrow, Holly is going to find and supervise a cleaning crew. Harry is going to work downstairs with me, and Elliot will do his usual cop thing, but where are we all sleeping tonight?‟

Harry bounced on the sofa. Holly pointed at Toby‛s room. Elliot sighed. ‟I‛ll get a hotel until the construction is finished.‟

‟You two are so afraid that you can‛t even bunk together?‟ Holly laughed. ‟It‛s just sleeping!‟

Toby filled his mouth with popcorn. He watched Elliot thinking. This was really all about Elliot‛s hangups. Toby would just tell them if he had his way.

Elliot slowly said, ‟It won‛t freak you out?‟

‟No one gives a shit about that crap,‟ Harry said. He caught Toby‛s glare and looked away guiltily.

Holly giggled. ‟Tomorrow, we‛ll get our stuff from Uncle Angus. Veronica will be so relieved. She has a separate room, but that‛ll end fast.‟

Toby was going to have to talk with his brother but it could wait until the dust settled. ‟Holly, there‛s only one bathroom. You will not hog it.‟

‟Got it.‟ Holly pointed towards the other building. ‟Get the other bathroom done first.‟

‟She‛ll make a great job boss, and one more thing - don‛t forget to find Harry a school for next year," Elliot said.

‟Shit,‟ Toby said. He saw Elliot‛s glare for the curse word. ‟It‛s a lot to do! Not that long ago I was homeless!‟

Holly came over and sat next to him. Toby put his arm around her. ‟You can do it, Dad. Harry and I will help, and I think Elliot will too.‟

Elliot shrugged, but he would. Toby knew it. He gave her a squeeze. ‟As long as my brain holds out, I‛ll keep at it.‟

‟And that‛s another thing. I‛ve been doing some research, and I want to meet your psychiatrist.‟

Toby looked up desperately at Elliot. ‟What have you done?‟

‟Welcome home.‟ Elliot grinned.

*********

Elliot hesitated at the snap of his jeans. ‟They know we‛re in here.‟

Toby stripped off his clothes, took out his braid, and crawled in the bed. ‟It was their idea, and I‛m tired.‟

Elliot knew what that meant. He‛d had a wife long enough. It wasn‛t possible anyway. If the kids thought they weren‛t doing it, then they weren‛t going to do it. He stretched, pushed off his clothes, and got in the bed next to him. They weren‛t touching. Toby curled into Elliot‛s side. Elliot put his arm around him and didn‛t ask if he was okay.

‟I‛ll take a couple of days off. Things are slow.‟ Elliot kissed him on the head. Toby didn‛t answer, and Elliot settled around him. It had been a long day for both of them. He shut his eyes and his alarm went off. ‟Crap.‟

Toby groaned. ‟We have to get up?‟

Elliot gave him a push. ‟Where‛s the panic from yesterday?‟

‟Exhausted.‟ Toby sat up and shoved his hair back. ‟Did I dream it all?‟

‟Dad! Where are the towels?‟

Elliot watched Toby go from groggy to wide awake. Toby raised his voice. ‟In the cabinet. There‛s only one!‟

Elliot laughed and managed to get up. ‟You have until she gets out of the shower to wake up. I suggest vats of coffee. Trust me, I have three daughters.‟

‟Shit.‟ Toby stood and stretched. He went to the door and leaned against it. ‟Kiss me once.‟

Elliot bracketed him and did a thorough job of it. ‟Are you stealing my clothes today?‟

Toby scooped up his jeans. ‟Yeah, probably, but seriously, I‛m due for an attack.‟

‟Hang tough.‟ Elliot had no advice other than that. He would be here. ‟If you need to take a minute, do it.‟

Toby was already dressed and walking out the door. He looked worried. Elliot dressed casually, sat down on the edge of the bed, and called Cragen.

*********

Toby put Harry on the cash register, and Davey didn‛t do more than nod. Elliot and Holly were next door, and Toby wanted to be two places at once. It turned out to be a busy morning, which was unusual.

‟Where are all the people coming from?‟ Toby finally exclaimed.

Davey smiled and dragged Toby to the door. ‟The job site next door.‟

Toby stepped completely outside. ‟Well, shit. Am I paying for all that?‟

‟I am not!‟ Davey laughed. ‟Harry, go over and take lunch orders. Tell them we will deliver.‟

‟Right-o, and I want a delivery upcharge!‟ Harry was enthusiastic. Toby walked next door with him.

Elliot came out with a shovel full and put it in a small dumpster. ‟We‛re getting there.‟

Toby waved him closer. ‟How much am I paying all these guys?‟

‟I made a call.‟ Elliot leaned against his shovel. ‟Everyone is working for lunch.‟

Toby was stunned. He had done nothing to deserve all this. ‟Is Holly driving them nuts?‟

‟They like her. I do too.‟ Elliot smiled and slapped him on the back. ‟I think most of us are hoping that Davey expands. Now Holly is getting the building permit, but we‛re going to need a contractor to do the thing with the walls.‟

Toby rubbed his head. ‟What else?‟ He knew there was more.

‟Holly is drawing up a plan. She wants a laundry room where the kitchen is and the bathroom bigger.‟ Elliot snorted. ‟You‛d think she was planning on living here.‟

‟You, um, don‛t think she‛s going to skip out on college?‟ Toby could believe anything of his daughter. She had blossomed into a strong woman. ‟And don‛t let her put her name on a building permit. Get it in mine.‟

‟I‛ll mention it.‟ Elliot took a step. ‟Go rest if you have to.‟

Toby nodded, but he wouldn‛t. Elliot went back to work, and Toby went to organize food for everyone, since he was buying. It was still much cheaper than paying a work crew. The day flew by, and he didn‛t think he managed to sit until long after six.

‟The building looks good!‟ Davey had refused to leave. ‟I have a cousin that is looking for a place to open a shop.‟

Toby put his head in his arms. ‟Oy, Davey, everyone expects you to expand!‟

‟Me?‟ Davey sat down across from him. ‟An interesting idea. I will think on it. How is the head?‟

‟Still on my shoulders.‟ Toby rubbed the back of his neck. He was doing okay, and it was a bloody miracle, as Harry would say. Harry was mopping the floor and looking glum about it.

Davey got to his feet. ‟Lock up. I have to go fill my mother in on the gossip.‟

Toby laughed and waved his hand. He was going to rest here a second.

‟Toby?‟

Toby‛s head popped up. ‟Angus? I‛ll be damned!‟

They were hugging one second later. Toby gave him an extra squeeze to make sure it was really him. Angus cupped Toby‛s face. ‟Don‛t ever run so far again, big brother.‟

Toby bit his lower lip, embarrassed. ‟I‛ll try not. Did you bring their things?‟

‟It‛s all out in the car. Veronica had a headache, so I came alone. She‛s resting at the hotel.‟ Angus looked around. ‟You work here?‟

‟It‛s a bit more complicated than that.‟ Toby smiled. It was so good to see him. ‟I need to run next door. Harry, help your uncle bring in the things and give him a chance to yell at you.‟

Harry grumbled something that was impossible to decipher, and Toby went next door. The demolition crew had cleared out. The place did look better. Holly and Elliot were upstairs.

‟Hey guys, Angus is here, and I‛m going to order pizza.‟ Toby took a look around. ‟You threw out the appliances?‟

‟Gave them away to a couple of the guys who needed them.‟ Holly bounced over and hugged him. ‟I have a contractor hired, and he‛ll be here tomorrow to start work.‟

‟Elliot, do you want to tell her or should I?‟

‟She needs to learn on her own.‟ Elliot wiped his forehead. ‟I get the shower and then I‛ll be down for pizza.‟

Toby put his arm around Holly and led her downstairs. ‟How much of my cash are you spending?‟

Holly was undaunted. ‟I need to talk to Harry about who gets what room. I don‛t think Elliot cares.‟

‟I really don‛t.‟ Elliot was right behind them. Toby ordered the pizza before he sat down again in the deli. Elliot went upstairs to shower. Angus was still fussing at Harry, and Holly sat next to him to watch.

‟When will your furniture arrive?‟ Toby asked softly. He hated to interrupt Angus when he was on a roll.

‟Two or three days.‟ Holly tugged Toby‛s rough braid. ‟Tomorrow, let me do that. It‛ll look better.‟

Toby shrugged and said nothing about his hair. ‟Was this a good day?‟

‟Yes.‟ Holly nodded her head firmly. ‟My tuition at Hudson is free because of Angus. If I live here, I can save thirty thousand a year.‟

‟So, you‛re paying for the renovation?‟ Toby asked with a grin.

‟Yes.‟ Holly glared in such a way that dared him to say otherwise. ‟That way, I‛ll get what I want.‟

Toby could only marvel at her. ‟Like I could say no to you. Okay, the bill for lunch was two hundred and fifty dollars. Square it with Davey by the end of the month.‟

‟I will.‟ Holly still looked fierce. ‟Would Harry or Elliot make a better roommate?‟

‟Elliot is never around. He works most of the time.‟ Toby glanced at his son. ‟Does Harry hog the bathroom?‟

‟Never.‟

‟Elliot does.‟ Toby laughed. He couldn‛t believe this conversation. ‟Angus! Get over here.‟

Angus sent Harry upstairs with suitcases and came over to sit. ‟Stubborn boy.‟

‟Like his dad.‟ Toby pointed at Angus. ‟Angus, when are you moving on campus?‟

‟When my furniture arrives. I‛ll have Holly‛s and Harry‛s sent here, if, um, that‛s okay with you.‟ Angus blushed. ‟You know I want them to live with me.‟

Holly shook her head. ‟I‛m not leaving here now.‟

‟I think Harry‛s made up his mind to live here also. Don‛t know why.‟ Toby hated to see Angus left alone. ‟What does Veronica say?‟

Angus looked at Holly and then back at him. ‟She, uh, well-‟

‟Wants us gone,‟ Harry finished for Angus. ‟She don‛t give a tinker‛s damn about naught but your wallet!‟

Toby hadn‛t met her, but there was a larger issue at hand. ‟Harry, stop cursing, and secondly, your uncle‛s love life is absolutely none of your business. He can marry an ex-con if he wants!‟

Harry‛s eyes grew large. ‟Sorry, Da.‟

‟Remember it. It‛s his money to waste, and love is the most stupid thing on the planet.‟ Toby tried to keep his voice low now. ‟You‛ll have some respect.‟

Angus coughed. ‟Veronica is not an ex-con. She just wants us to start a family of our own, and Harry, you‛ve made no attempt to even be kind to her.‟

Harry blushed. Holly patted Angus on the arm. ‟Dad is right. If you love her, that‛s enough for us. We wish she were a little less focused on the financial side, but it‛s not our call.‟

Toby began to think his daughter would be a diplomat when she graduated from college. He cleared his throat. ‟You are having her sign a pre-nup, right?‟

‟I brought it up, but she was extremely insulted.‟

‟That‛s when ‛e bought ‛er more bling bling.‟ Harry scowled. ‟I‛m going up to watch the telly. Call me when the pie comes.‟

Toby nodded. He tapped the table. ‟Holly, go upstairs.‟

Holly shrugged and scooted up the stairs after her brother. Angus frowned. ‟I guess I‛m in for it now.‟

‟Angus, you‛re a grown man, but a pre-nup is standard unless she‛s also rich. Is she?‟

Angus shook his head. ‟No, and I know, but she was going to call it off.‟

Toby sighed. ‟She played you like a violin. Angus, if she loves you, she won‛t care about the money. Lay it out for her, and then see what happens.‟ He rubbed his head and sighed again. ‟You have to think with your head, and not the one below your belt.‟

‟I‛d curse you out, but you‛re right. She‛s never had anything, and I enjoy giving her nice things. Is that so wrong?‟ Angus was pleading now.

‟Not unless she demands them every time you bring up a topic that makes her pout.‟ Toby‛s mouth felt unusually dry, and he went to get a soda. He had one more thing to say. ‟And any woman that makes you ditch your kids should probably be scrutinized for ulterior motives.‟

Angus surged to his feet and came to him. ‟You don‛t know what she does to me! I always plan out what I‛m going to say, but one twitch of those lips and I can‛t think!‟

‟You‛re horny. Got it.‟ Toby had been the same for Chris, and he was still slightly ashamed. ‟How about this - tell her that the money is tied up with the family, and she‛ll have to meet with me and sign a pre-nup. Nothing you can do about it.‟

Angus swallowed hard and looked away. ‟I‛m such a coward.‟

‟It‛s your call. If you want to write her a check, I‛m good with that. It‛s only money.‟ Toby had a thought. ‟What does Elliot say about her?‟

‟I didn‛t ask.‟

‟He‛s a good judge of character.‟ Toby laughed. ‟Wait, he liked me. Forget it.‟

‟You‛re not that bad,‟ Elliot drawled as he came through the door. ‟Once you had a shower, it was easier to judge. Are we discussing Veronica?‟

‟Yes,‟ Angus said shortly. He went back to the booth and sat down hard. ‟What did you think?‟

Elliot went to get a soda. He muttered as he went past, ‟I‛m in trouble here. Help me out.‟

Toby went to sit also. He was more worried now. ‟I‛m sure she‛s nice.‟

‟Yeah, she‛s nice.‟ Elliot went to the door. ‟I‛m starved. There‛s the pizza guy. Who‛s buying?‟

‟Me,‟ Angus said. He paid, and Toby yelled for the kids. They came down, got pizza, and went back upstairs. Toby wasn‛t really hungry, but he nibbled one piece.

Elliot frowned. ‟Aren‛t you eating?‟

‟I have to eat at four and take my meds.‟ Toby glared. ‟Butt out.‟

Angus wiped his mouth. ‟What meds?‟

‟We‛re not discussing it.‟ Toby wanted to kick Elliot under the table again, but it might be pushing his luck. ‟Elliot, what do you think about a pre-nup?‟

‟I‛d make sure she signs it twice.‟ Elliot wasn‛t joking. Angus groaned, and Toby rubbed his head. He caught a glimpse of black out of the corner of his eye. Elliot caught him by the wrist. ‟Toby?‟

Toby wrenched his hand away. This one was coming fast. ‟No! Shit!‟ He staggered up and watched his world turn inside out.

********

‟What the hell?"

‟He‛s having an attack.‟ Elliot moved fast and caught him. Toby‛s eyes were wide, but he wasn‛t seeing them. Elliot eased him down to the floor and held him. ‟It‛s okay, Toby. I‛m here.‟

‟I trusted him,‟ Toby whispered.

‟Shut that door." Elliot pointed at the door that led upstairs. "He‛s loud sometimes.‟

Angus ran to do it and came back. ‟Where is he?‟

‟Somewhere in Oz.‟ Elliot smoothed his hand across Toby‛s forehead. ‟It‛s okay. It‛s okay.‟

Toby made a soft sound. ‟It hurt. God, it hurt.‟

‟What can we do?‟ Angus grabbed Elliot by the shoulder.

Elliot glanced up at him. ‟Nothing. He‛ll be fine. He was due one, and he told me to watch for it this morning. He usually rubs his head.‟

Angus sat down on the floor. ‟Part of me didn‛t believe it. He seems fine.‟

‟He is.‟ Elliot watched him closely. ‟This isn‛t a bad one. Go eat. I‛ll sit with him.‟

Angus was quiet a long moment. ‟You love him.‟

Elliot wasn‛t going to answer that. He made sure that Toby was comfortable. Angus went to the booth, and Elliot whispered, ‟Come back, Toby.‟

Toby bit his lip, blinked, and looked straight at him. ‟Chris, why did you hurt me? I gave you everything.‟

Elliot couldn‛t answer that. He said softly, ‟Toby, it‛s okay. I got you.‟

‟You were never good at letting go.‟ Toby shut his eyes and held on tighter. ‟Don‛t die again.‟

‟I won‛t.‟ Elliot refused to look at Angus. What he shared with Toby was incredibly private and didn‛t make a damn bit of sense. Toby suddenly went limp. He was out of it, but he‛d need to rest a minute. Elliot was willing to hold him forever if it would help. ‟Better?‟

‟Yeah.‟ Toby didn‛t move.

Elliot pointed at Toby‛s drink. ‟Angus, bring me that.‟

Angus handed it over, and Elliot put the straw to Toby‛s lips. Toby drank it all, taking short breaks to breathe.

‟You okay, Toby?‟

‟Why does everyone ask me that?‟ Toby sat up under his own power and put his head in his hands.

Elliot laughed softly and got to his feet. He went back to his pizza. It was cold, but he was too hungry to care. Angus stepped over and got Toby to his feet. They both sat down again. Toby leaned onto his brother. Elliot wiped his mouth and asked, ‟You want a pill?‟

‟No. It was very mild.‟ Toby sucked out the last of his drink. Elliot went to get him another one.

Angus wrapped his arm around his brother. ‟How long will Oz haunt you?‟

Toby took the soda and shrugged. ‟Forever. I will never be normal. Don‛t expect it of me.‟ He sounded very sad, and Elliot‛s heart ached for him. Normal was highly over-rated, and Elliot had seen Toby‛s struggle to live a productive life. Toby needed to give himself a break, but that would never happen. He would always believe that he‛d failed.

Elliot faked a yawn. ‟Angus, are you spending the night too?‟

‟Uh, no. Veronica expects me back.‟ Angus checked his watch. ‟Shit! She‛ll kill me!‟

Toby groaned. ‟Elliot, my brother has given his balls to a chick named Veronica.‟

‟Well, it could‛ve been a guy named Sal.‟ Elliot had seen it before, and he hoped Angus wised up before all the money was gone. ‟You‛ll have to call a cab. They don‛t come by here very often.‟

Angus was doing just that. Elliot put all the leftover pizza in one box. ‟I‛ll be upstairs.‟

‟I‛ll be along.‟ Toby wasn‛t that groggy. He‛d make it. Elliot went up and made sure the kids got seconds. Harry took the box. Well, he was skinny. They were both engrossed in the television, and Elliot went to his bedroom to call Kathy. For some reason, he wanted to make sure his kids were okay.

*********

Toby shut off the lights and double-checked the doors. Angus was gone, and Toby could only shake his head. His brother was in trouble. He went upstairs and found a spot on the sofa by Harry. Holly was camped out on the floor. She smiled at him.

‟You looked tired, Dad,‟ Holly said.

‟Thanks,‟ Toby said dryly. ‟When you‛re buying things, get an extra chair for this room.‟

‟On my list.‟ Holly was serious. Toby was tired, but he got up to go mark the day with a red X. He stood there and counted them. Two already this week. Four last week and four the week before that. His brain was eroding. He was tempted to bang his hand on the fridge, but it wouldn‛t help.

‟What are the X‛s for?‟ Holly asked softly from behind him.

‟Dr. Huang has me mark my attacks.‟ Toby hesitated to say more. He was embarrassed, and he wasn‛t sure she needed to know.

She stared at the calendar. ‟Is four considered a lot?‟

Toby told the truth. It hurt. ‟No. I used to have four or five before lunch. If I have three a week, I feel almost . . . happy.‟ He smiled for her. It might help. ‟I also rate them.‟ He pointed to the number by each X. He put a two next to today‛s attack. It had been the mildest that he‛d ever had. Just Chris, practically begging Toby to trust him again.

‟Ten being the worst?‟

Toby nodded. Her hand was on the day right before they‛d arrived, lightly tracing over a ten. He knew what she was thinking, and she was right. He pulled her hand away and hugged her. ‟I love you. Don‛t ever doubt that.‟

‟I don‛t want us to hurt you.‟

Toby took a breath that threatened to turn into a sob. ‟You can‛t. I hurt me that time, and all the others, but it‛s better.‟

She accepted that with only a small frown. ‟When you need a minute, take it.‟

‟I will.‟ Toby hated to look that weak, but he‛d consider it. He had one topic that he had to broach - no matter the consequences. ‟Elliot is a big help around here. Would it hurt you to know that I don‛t want him to leave?‟

‟No. I saw it on your face. It‛s okay to admit that you love him.‟

‟Right.‟ Toby rolled his eyes. ‟What planet were you raised on?‟

Holly laughed. ‟I won‛t tell him.‟

‟Thanks.‟ Toby gave her a kiss on the cheek. ‟I‛m going to bed. Lock up. Okay?‟

‟Promise.‟ Holly was smiling, and Toby went to tell Harry good night. Harry waved and went back to his pizza and television. Toby was slightly surprised to see Elliot already stretched out on the bed, and he shut the door firmly. Elliot was on the phone, and Toby quietly took off his clothes and found a corner to toss them. Tomorrow, he‛d take a shower and wash off the salami.

Elliot didn‛t turn loose of the phone, but his big hand reached and pulled Toby to the bed. Toby pillowed his head on Elliot‛s shoulder and shut his eyes.

‟So, how much do you need this month?‟ Elliot asked softly. Toby didn‛t hear her reply. He slid his hand down Elliot‛s chest to rest it right above the briefs. Elliot continued, ‟I‛ll send it tomorrow or you can drop by the deli to get it.‟

Toby breathed in the nice smell of soap and Elliot. Before he knew it, he‛d kissed some of that perfect skin. Elliot groaned. ‟Kathy, I‛m not moving out. I can afford this place!‟

Toby told himself not to touch him, but he didn‛t listen. He slipped his hand down over the briefs. Elliot was definitely interested. He made a disgusted noise. ‟You never gave him a chance. The kids liked him, and we‛ve known Davey for years. If you can‛t trust me, trust him.‟

Toby sighed, scooted away, and found his own pillow. She‛d smelled ex-con all over him. He hated that Elliot was suffering because of it.

‟Kath, I‛m done here. Come get it. I have the day off.‟ Elliot paused. ‟Kiss my kids for me.‟ And he slapped the phone shut. He flipped over so he was on top. ‟Were you teasing me?‟

‟Uh, well, no?‟ Toby curled his arm around Elliot‛s neck. ‟I was just checking out the equipment. It‛s still there.‟

‟I noticed.‟ Elliot gently bit Toby‛s shoulder. ‟We can‛t.‟

‟I know.‟ Toby did know. He rolled flat. ‟I‛m sorry about Kathy.‟

‟She can get over it. I honestly don‛t know why she‛s so bent out of shape about it.‟ Elliot frowned.

Toby smiled. ‟Maybe she saw me checking out your ass.‟

‟Did you do that?‟ Elliot growled, but Toby thought it was nothing but a tease.

‟Not more than twice.‟ Toby laughed and shoved at him, but he didn‛t budge. ‟She probably talked to Benson. She called for you, you were out, and Benson gave her all the dirt on me. End of story.‟

Elliot pulled his head back - surprise on his handsome face. ‟You think so?‟

Toby didn‛t see the need to talk about it any further. He licked his finger and ran it across Elliot‛s lips. ‟It‛s time for you to get off.‟

Elliot looked down. ‟I‛m not that quick.‟

Toby smiled at the misunderstanding and then took advantage of it. He wiggled his hands down and found important parts to grab. He would like a slow, easy orgasm. ‟Give me three minutes.‟

‟I can last longer than that.‟ Elliot snorted. He tapped his watch. ‟Tell me when to start.‟

Toby got him to move and inched down the bed until the briefs were in the way of his tongue. ‟Now,‟ he said and didn‛t waste one second. He swallowed it all. Elliot moaned softly, and Toby did that for about sixty seconds. Wetting his finger, he eased it up Elliot‛s ass and fucked him while sucking. Elliot clutched him hard and come shot down Toby‛s throat. Toby swallowed and then grinned up at him. ‟How long?‟

Elliot had his hand across his mouth. He whispered, ‟How the hell can I know?‟

Toby gave him a last lick and gently removed his finger. ‟My work is done then.‟ He laughed softly. Elliot yanked him up and kissed him.

‟That was cheating.‟

‟Yeah. Maybe so.‟ Toby moved against him. ‟Give me another minute and I‛ll be done.‟

Elliot moved down, and when his mouth met Toby‛s cock, Toby nearly blew right then. He clutched at skin and held on as long as possible. If it was two minutes, it was a miracle. His head floated off and he knew he‛d be asleep before Elliot crawled back up. Elliot mumbled something, and Toby didn‛t get it. He was out.

*********

Elliot didn‛t fall asleep so quickly. He made himself comfortable and gave Toby a last kiss to the head. A little bit of guilt tapped on his shoulder that he‛d been holding a man while talking to his ex-wife. His priest would have kittens. He reached, turned off the alarm and the lamp, and found himself wrapping around Toby again. There was no justification for it. His sense of right and wrong had given up on him. There wasn‛t any way to make sense of these feelings.

It should have all been impossible, but Elliot had stopped looking at the world in absolutes. If this had happened a year ago, he‛d have ignored his feelings and kept on working. It was the constant upheaval in his life that had made it possible. He‛d reached out, and he didn‛t regret it. He couldn‛t go through life with nothing but a once a month visit from his kids. Toby didn‛t ask for anything. He was grateful for what he got, and perhaps that made all the difference.

*********

Holly caught Toby by the arm before he made it to the stairs. ‟Sit.‟

Toby looked in her beautiful, blue eyes. ‟Well, okay.‟ He picked the sofa. ‟What?‟

‟Rubber bands?‟ Holly held out her hand.

Toby pulled them out of his pocket. ‟This isn‛t doing anything for my sense of manhood.‟

‟Then get a haircut.‟ Holly pulled the brush through his long hair over and over again. ‟Yours is thicker than mine.‟

‟Sorry about that.‟ Toby winced as she braided it, but tightly. He glanced up and saw Elliot watching from the doorway. ‟Not one word.‟

Elliot smiled. ‟One inch?‟

‟Okay. I like it long. I confess.‟ Toby rolled his eyes. He wasn‛t getting a haircut. ‟What‛s your plan?‟

Elliot shrugged. ‟Holly can boss me around for one more day.‟ He grinned. ‟You?‟

Toby wasn‛t sure. He had to help out Angus, but going about it was tricky. ‟You have Angus‛s phone number?‟

‟Yep. You want it?‟

‟Can you put it in my phone please?‟ Toby dug it out of his pocket. He might concede to carrying it if someone besides Huang would call him.

Holly giggled. ‟You have to know how to use your cell!‟

Toby took the Fifth. He knew, kind of. Holly gave his braid a tug. He got up and hugged her. ‟Thanks, but never again.‟ He smiled. She gave him a look that was a promise for tomorrow. Elliot handed the phone back and lifted his eyebrows. He usually knew the score. Toby waved his hand at the door. ‟Holly, give us a minute.‟

She nodded and bounced down the stairs. Toby shut the door. ‟One?‟

Elliot opened his arms. ‟Let‛s take time for two.‟

Toby couldn‛t ask for anything more. He had a very full day ahead of him, but this could help him through it. Relaxing into Elliot, Toby did nothing but breathe. He needed this. ‟I‛m sorry that I need you so much.‟

‟Don‛t say that.‟ Elliot pulled Toby‛s braid, but not hard. ‟You get along fine. Whatever we got, it‛s a two-way street.‟

Toby hoped so. He was always so needy. ‟There are a lot of potholes on my side.‟

‟Mine too.‟ Elliot brushed his lips over Toby‛s. Toby was going to need more than that. He pulled and stole another kiss, enjoying this one as much as the first one. Elliot didn‛t complain. He gave as good as he got. ‟Okay. One more minute and they‛re going to know.‟

‟I‛ll stop humping your leg.‟ Toby put his hand on the doorknob. ‟If you want, we could argue or something.‟

Elliot looked disgusted. ‟I don‛t think so.‟

‟Good. Unless it‛s important, I don‛t want to argue.‟ Toby started down the stairs, Elliot right behind him. ‟Okay. I can do this.‟

‟Yes, you can.‟ Elliot patted him on the shoulder and went out the door and down the stairs. Toby took a deep breath and started his day. He didn‛t think about anything but working and breathing and being with his children. All of that was enough to fill his day.

‟Is Elliot here?‟

Toby shut the case door. ‟I‛ll take you. I need a break. Davey, I‛m going next door!‟ He had hoped to avoid seeing Elliot‛s ex-wife, but he had never been a lucky man. ‟How are you, Kathy?‟ He made a desperate attempt to be polite.

Kathy walked with him. ‟Can you answer me one question?‟

Toby stopped on the sidewalk. He wanted to run away, but he forced himself to stand there and take whatever she wanted to dish out. ‟Maybe.‟

‟Are you gay and that‛s why you‛ve devoted yourself to soaking up Elliot‛s extra hours?‟ Kathy frowned and shook her head at him.

Toby felt as if he‛d been hit with a shank - right to the heart. He frowned at her and tried to sound completely bored. ‟My sexual orientation isn‛t any of your business, and if your ex-husband isn‛t spending as much time with you as you‛d like, take it up with him.‟ He went right inside the building and yelled, ‟Elliot! Your ex-wife is here!‟ He turned and faced her again. ‟Have a nice day.‟

She wasn‛t quite finished. ‟Elliot will never return your advances. Give up.‟

Toby saw Holly coming down the stairs. ‟Are you hungry, Holly?‟

‟Hey, Dad. I‛m starved!‟ She smiled at him. ‟Elliot is on his way. He said he wanted to wash his hands. He‛s clean, for a guy.‟

Toby laced his arm through hers and started for the deli. He was skipping the polite introduction. Holly looked over her shoulder, and Toby increased his pace. ‟We can talk while I feed you.‟

‟My contractor never showed up!‟

‟Yeah. I know.‟ Toby smiled. ‟He lied. They all lie. What‛s Elliot doing?‟ he asked as he opened the door for her.

‟Taking down those awful cabinets. I‛ll paint when he‛s done.‟ Holly went to the back room to wash up, and Toby started fixing her some food. Harry snacked all day, and Toby was waiting for Davey to say something, but he hadn‛t. Elliot and Kathy came through the front door, and Toby turned his shoulder so he didn‛t have to look at him. It might help.

*********

Elliot wanted some lunch before he wrote her a big check. ‟Have lunch with me?‟

Kathy hesitated. She glanced over behind the counter. ‟I guess.‟

They found a booth, and he found a smile for her. She was still beautiful.

‟Hey, Chris! Two number fours!‟

Toby threw a wave their direction. Elliot leaned close and patted her hand. ‟You don‛t mind if I order, right?‟

‟We always liked the same thing.‟ She smiled, but it didn‛t last. ‟What are you doing next door with that young, um, lady?‟

‟That‛s Chris‛s daughter, Holly. I‛m helping her renovate the building.‟ Elliot shrugged. ‟I have to go back to work tomorrow.‟

Kathy‛s eyes darted around the deli. ‟Chris has children?‟

‟He‛s a widower, remember? The boy at the cash register is Chris‛s son.‟ Elliot didn‛t point. He raised his eyebrows and lowered his voice. ‟I‛m not moving out because of some strange prejudice you have.‟

Kathy narrowed her eyes. Whatever she was going to say was forestalled by Harry bringing their food and drinks.

‟Anything else, mum?‟

Elliot smiled when her eyes widened. Kathy shook her head, and Elliot said, ‟Thanks, Harry.‟

‟Right-o, chum.‟ Harry wandered off.

‟Elliot, you‛ve fallen down the rabbit hole.‟ Kathy rubbed her forehead before picking up her sandwich.

Elliot started eating. He was hungry, and Wonderland wasn‛t a bad way to explain what had happened in his bed last night. Wiping his mouth to make sure he wasn‛t smirking, he said, ‟When is school out?‟

‟Next week.‟ Kathy looked faintly disgusted at the idea. ‟Dickie wants a summer job, but that probably won‛t happen.‟

Elliot agreed with that. ‟I‛ll take a week off and they can stay with me. That‛ll help.‟

‟Here?‟ Kathy almost instantly shook her head. ‟This isn‛t a real home.‟

‟Home is what you make it.‟ Elliot tapped his finger on the table. He wasn‛t going to get angry, but he was going to get his point across. ‟You won‛t punish me for living here. I like it. I‛m not so . . . damn alone.‟ He flushed.

Kathy took him by the hand. ‟Where‛s the Elliot that I grew up with? The one with all those rigid morals?‟

‟He got the stuffing kicked out of him.‟ Elliot pulled his hand away and started eating again. He had changed, and he didn‛t know if it was for the better or not, but life wasn‛t black or white any longer.

At that moment, Holly came over and plunked herself down by him. ‟Who‛s your friend?‟ She was a charmer.

‟This is Kathy Stabler. Kathy, meet Holly.‟ Elliot intentionally left off the last name. The situation was confusing enough.

Holly beamed. ‟Nice to meet you. So many men in this place, it‛s nice to see another woman!‟

Kathy didn‛t smile. ‟Elliot and I are divorced.‟ She would say that. It was more important than everything they‛d shared. ‟You‛re Chris‛s daughter?‟

‟Yes. I‛m going to Hudson in the Fall.‟ Holly glanced at Elliot. ‟Elliot, can you find me a contractor?‟

Elliot shrugged. ‟I can make some calls. Did you get more primer?‟

‟Not yet.‟ Holly sighed. ‟I‛ll go to the store.‟

‟Good idea. I‛ll have those down by the time you get back.‟ Elliot smiled for her. She grinned, said goodbye to Kathy, and left, probably to find Toby.

Kathy made a soft sound. ‟I could wish you‛d help your own children like that.‟

‟Have they ever asked? I‛m not a mindreader.‟ Elliot had occasionally wished his oldest daughters would act as if they liked him. ‟I‛m nothing but a bank to them.‟

‟And whose fault is that?‟

‟Mine. Like everything else.‟ Elliot got up and went to get his checkbook. He took a deep breath and refused to punch a hole in the wall. Grabbing the checkbook off the dresser, he stopped in surprise. Toby was there, and wordlessly, he leaned into him. Elliot took the comfort offered. He needed it to bring his blood pressure down. ‟She doesn‛t understand.‟

‟No way she could,‟ Toby said softly. ‟Don‛t beat yourself up over it.‟

Elliot didn‛t bother to answer. He knew himself too well. With one last touch, he broke away and went back downstairs. He sat down, took a big drink of soda, and wrote her a check. She took it as her due, and he wanted to growl a curse word, but he wouldn‛t.

‟This weekend - I want to see them.‟

Kathy took one more look around. He didn‛t know what she saw. ‟Well, when he puts the moves on you, you‛ll run away.‟

Elliot finished his sandwich and wiped his mouth. If she only knew, but he had to think of something to say. ‟Chris ain‛t gay.‟ He thought about it again. There weren‛t words for what Toby was, and it wasn‛t fair to put people in boxes. Huang had said it once, ‛Sexuality is very complex.‛ He was right, but Elliot would skip mentioning it to him.

Kathy pushed her basket away. ‟Thank you for lunch. Call me and I‛ll bring them, but I‛m usually right about these things.‟

‟Being wrong will be good for you then.‟ Elliot didn‛t help her out. Harry got the door for her and smiled. He was a good ‛lad,‛ and he was cursing less. Elliot spotted Toby slide out the upstairs door and head for the back. Toby didn‛t know it, but he was going to be fine. Elliot was going to make sure of it.

**********

Toby jumped when his phone rang. He ignored Harry‛s laughter and pulled his phone out of his pocket. ‟Hello?‟

‟Toby, I told her. She went ballistic, and, and-‟

‟Angus! Settle down!‟ Toby walked in the back room. ‟Where are you?‟

‟In my hotel room. She stormed out. I screwed this up!‟ Angus was close to sobbing.

Toby wasn‛t sure he could handle this. ‟She‛ll be back. Trust me. Don‛t call her. Don‛t buy her anything!‟

‟I shouldn‛t have listened to you and that cop!‟

‟Angus, get in a cab and come over here. Holly needs help painting. Right now!‟ Toby snapped. ‟Move!‟

There was silence. ‟Are you yelling at me?‟

‟Yes. Get over here!‟ Toby slapped his phone shut. He took several deep breaths and tried to find his equilibrium.

Davey came through the door and smiled at him. ‟Family, huh?‟

‟I‛m out of practice,‟ Toby muttered with a groan. ‟Is Harry doing a good job?‟ He‛d hadn‛t had the courage to ask until now.

‟Of course. The boy is smart, and he put out a tip jar!‟ Davey laughed, and Toby joined him. Toby was glad to hear it, he‛d make up the difference between the receipts and the cash drawer if necessary. He had seen the tip jar. The older ladies loved Harry‛s smile, and he got the door for them. Davey stepped closer. ‟Kathy is a good woman. She will come around. She is used to the policeman.‟

Toby didn‛t think she‛d change her mind, but he was staying out of it as much as possible. ‟Elliot can handle it. But listen, Angus is coming over. Davey, if you moved your deli to another building, I wouldn‛t blame you a damn bit!‟

‟And miss the fun?‟ Davey laughed. ‟When school starts, things will settle down. Have you enrolled Harry in school?‟

‟Angus will do it.‟ Toby couldn‛t. He didn‛t have legal custody or any school records - not even a birth certificate.

Davey nodded. ‟I understand. Business is slow today. Why don‛t you go help your daughter? I will watch the son.‟

Toby liked the idea. He took his apron off. ‟Thanks. I can yell at Angus over there.‟

‟Tobias, you do not have to work here. Not ever.‟

‟Davey, what else would I do?‟ Toby spread his hands, shocked at hearing his real name from Davey‛s lips. He honestly liked working with Davey, feeling as if he were part of something. ‟And you bring me clients.‟

Davey hooked his thumb towards the building next door. ‟Your daughter has plans. Do you want to know them?‟

Toby nearly cringed at the thought. ‟Uh, no. You talk with her.‟ He rubbed his hand through his hair. ‟I‛ll be back.‟

‟Take the rest of the day. I‛ll teach Harry how to close and talk to him about wages.‟

‟Don‛t give that boy one penny.‟ Toby raised his finger. ‟I‛m trying to teach him about helping out, and he has plenty of money.‟ At least, he thought his son did. Something else to ask Angus.

Davey shrugged, and Toby grabbed three sodas before going next door. He knew what that shrug meant - Davey would do what he wanted. Elliot and Holly were upstairs, and Toby handed them each a soda.

‟Take a break,‟ Toby said. He smiled at their dirty faces. ‟And then I‛ll help you haul the cabinets to the dumpster.‟

‟Good. They may look awful, but they‛re damn heavy.‟ Elliot sat on the floor and popped his soda. Holly put down her paint roller and joined them. Elliot grinned at her. ‟Hard work, huh?‟

‟Yeah.‟ Holly took a long drink of soda before coming up for air. ‟Elliot found me a contractor.‟

‟He will stop by after he gets off work.‟ Elliot leaned back against a wall. Toby wanted to put his head in Elliot‛s lap, but he shoved away the ridiculous idea. Elliot was about finished with his drink. ‟I have to go back to work tomorrow, Toby, so keep an eye out over here.‟

Toby nodded. He leaned closer and whispered, ‟It‛s Chris.‟

‟Yeah. Whatever.‟ Elliot heaved out a big breath. ‟Okay, break‛s over. We should be able to get the carpet ripped up today, if we keep working.‟

Holly groaned. ‟Dad, he‛s a slave driver!‟

‟Angus is on the way. We‛ll make him work.‟ Toby got to his feet. ‟Boss me around, Elliot.‟

‟Get that end. Do not fall down the stairs.‟

Toby grunted and picked up his end of the old cabinet. ‟Shit!‟

Holly giggled. Elliot didn‛t say anything until they were outside. ‟Angus told her?‟

‟Angus was screaming like a little girl on the phone. I told him to get his ass over here.‟ Toby wiped his forehead. ‟On three.‟

Elliot counted, and they manhandled it in the dumpster. ‟Two more and we‛re done.‟

‟Have you ever loved someone so much that you were an idiot?‟ Toby tilted his head to the side and hoped for an honest answer. He‛d been a dumbass for Chris. Toby thought about it. He‛d also taken a helluva risk for Elliot. Love was so stupid.

Elliot put his hands on his hips. ‟Does today count?‟

Toby laughed, but it died away when he saw that Elliot wasn‛t joining him. ‟Loving me, if you did, which I‛m not suggesting that you do, would be . . . very stupid.‟ He took a deep breath. ‟Good thing you don‛t.‟

‟Right,‟ Elliot drawled. He started for the building, and Toby followed him back up and they did it all over again. And once more. They both leaned on their knees and breathed. Elliot straightened up and rubbed his back. ‟Another break and then we‛ll start on the carpet.‟

‟Where the hell is Angus?‟ Toby glared at the street. It must have worked because a cab came around the corner, and Angus got out. He looked furious. His hands were fists, and Toby thought about running. At the last moment, Elliot smoothly stepped in front of Toby and banged into Angus.

‟She left me!‟ Angus roared. ‟You fuckers!‟

Elliot put his hand on Toby‛s chest to keep him back. ‟Angus, she‛s playing you. She‛ll call by this evening and beg for your forgiveness.‟

‟I don‛t believe that!‟

Toby eased around Elliot. ‟She‛ll put it back on herself to get you to cave. Angus, if she won‛t sign a pre-nup, she doesn‛t love you. She loves your money.‟

‟Asshole!‟ Angus took a swing at Toby, but Elliot shoved him away. Toby wanted Elliot out of the damn way, but he wouldn‛t budge.

‟Toby‛s right. Angus, is the sex that good?‟

Angus hit Elliot across the face, and Toby watched time grind to a halt. Elliot‛s head went to the side and he stumbled, but he didn‛t fall down. Angus had six inches on Toby and probably sixty pounds, but he‛d hit Elliot. Toby felt the rage boil out, and he had plenty of time to make up his mind. He saw his fist race for Angus‛s face, but black dropped over him and he never saw it land.

‟Vern! You fucker!‟ Toby kicked him in the nuts again and lashed at him with the weight in his hand. Schillinger went down hard, and Toby had plenty of time to bar the door to slow the hacks. O‛Reily was screaming, and Toby took his revenge. Nothing had ever felt better.

*********

‟Holly, go get his Ativan from the cabinet in the bathroom.‟ Elliot pointed, but held on to Toby. ‟Now!‟

‟What the hell?‟ Angus got up off the grass, his nose bleeding profusely. Toby had laid him out.

Elliot put his arms around Toby and carried him into the building. Toby fought the entire way, but he wasn‛t trying to hurt Elliot and that made the difference. Elliot dropped to the floor and held him tightly. ‟Toby. Toby. Toby. It‛s not real.‟

Toby screamed. Elliot ached for him. ‟Angus, he can‛t handle the stress of something like this. His brain, well, overloads.‟

‟I didn‛t know.‟

Elliot got a better grip on Toby‛s arm as he flailed. ‟Fight it, Toby. Fight it.‟

Toby cursed and kicked. He was fighting someone, but Elliot didn‛t know who. Holly came in breathlessly and tried to come close, but Elliot shook his head. Toby might hurt her and not know it.

‟As soon as he goes limp, we‛ll give it to him. Get a soda or something.‟ Elliot grunted. Toby was damn strong, and he wanted up. The cursing trailed off, and he laughed, but it was an ugly sound. Elliot secured his grip again. ‟Toby, come back. Toby!‟

Toby let out a long scream and then went completely limp. His heart was pounding under Elliot‛s arm and his breathing was fast and hard. Elliot got a pill from Holly and put it between Toby‛s lips. Toby took it and a sip of the soda. ‟Thanks,‟ he whispered.

‟No problem.‟ Elliot rocked him gently. ‟Hell of a punch there.‟

Toby sighed. ‟Prison turns us into animals.‟ His eyes were shut. ‟Nothing but shitty animals.‟

Elliot didn‛t answer. He believed in the justice system, but he also knew that Toby was right. Holly crouched down and smoothed her hand over Toby‛s forehead. ‟What can I do?‟

‟He needs to rest.‟ Elliot didn‛t try to get him up - not yet. ‟He‛ll be okay. Angus, we‛re done fighting.‟

‟Indeed we are.‟ Angus swallowed and looked away. ‟I love her, but . . . ‟

Toby sighed heavily. He was almost asleep. Elliot shrugged. He could sit here a while. ‟Let him rest. Angus, go help Holly. It‛ll take your mind off Veronica.‟

Angus and Holly exchanged a look. Angus nodded, and Holly whispered, ‟I didn‛t know it could be so bad.‟

Elliot had no words to comfort her. ‟Leave me the soda.‟

She put it in his hand, and they went upstairs, talking quietly. Elliot could only hope they weren‛t making plans to pack up and move back to England. Toby would be devastated. He was so ashamed, and Elliot understood it. It was damn hard to be weak. He leaned back against the wall and released his tight grip.

‟I love you, Toby,‟ Elliot said so quietly that even a nearby mouse couldn‛t have heard him. ‟But don‛t ever make me say it.‟

‟I won‛t,‟ Toby whispered. ‟I love you too.‟

Elliot nearly winced from surprise, but he wasn‛t going to take it back. He watched him instead.

*********

Toby woke up groggy, the flat taste of meds in his mouth. ‟What time is it?‟

‟Five,‟ Elliot said.

‟Oh, fuck.‟ Toby struggled up. ‟I have to take my other meds.‟

Elliot helped him sit and groaned as he got to his feet. ‟I‛ll get it. One?‟

‟Yes. The Effexor.‟ Toby slumped against the wall. ‟Damn, I hate myself.‟

‟Don‛t waste your time.‟ Elliot stretched and left the building. Toby didn‛t try to stand. He was still out of it. The tranquilizer made it hard to feel his feet. Angus and Holly came downstairs, and he couldn‛t quite meet their eyes. They‛d seen him at his worse now.

‟Dad, are you feeling better?‟ Holly sat down across from him. Angus hit the floor also.

‟Yeah.‟ Toby rubbed his face. ‟Angus, it might be time for you to reconsider all this. I will never be healthy. Never.‟

Holly put her hand on Toby‛s knee. ‟I‛m not leaving, and Harry feels the same. Angus can move in here if he wants.‟

‟Holly, love. He is your legal guardian. If he says pack, you pack.‟ Toby put his hand on hers. He managed to meet Angus‛s eyes.

Angus sighed. ‟I won‛t lie and say that it wasn‛t scary, but since it was my fault, it‛s hard to criticize. Elliot had told me that you don‛t go out much. This is why, right?‟

‟It‛s difficult,‟ Toby said quietly. ‟I got in a fistfight at the precinct and was fine, but something about you hitting Elliot made my brain . . . explode.‟

Angus cleared his throat. ‟Sorry.‟

‟It‛s okay.‟ Toby felt as if it were his fault. ‟You love Veronica. Don‛t worry about the pre-nup. Just marry her. I won‛t say a word.‟

Holly wiped her forehead. ‟She called. She did exactly what you expected. Now, she wants to meet with you and discuss the pre-nup.‟

Angus groaned. ‟You could let me tell him! She was hinting that if I give her a cash settlement in advance that she‛d sign.‟

Toby used the wall to get to his feet. ‟My brain is mush.‟

‟Sorry,‟ Angus said and steadied him. ‟She‛s coming to meet with you tomorrow.‟

Elliot was back, and Toby took the pill before even trying to come up with an answer. ‟Elliot, find your gun and shoot me.‟

‟It‛s at work.‟ Elliot shook his head. ‟How‛s the painting?‟

‟It‛s done.‟ Angus wiped his hand on his shirt. ‟I think this shirt is ruined.‟

‟Uh, yeah.‟ Toby saw blood and paint. ‟Sorry I hit you. I don‛t remember it.‟

Angus shook his head. ‟No. My fault. I‛m going back to my hotel to clean up.‟

‟Holly, go with him, and get Harry,‟ Toby insisted. ‟No, don‛t argue. I need some quiet tonight.‟

She frowned. ‟You‛ll be okay?‟

‟Of course.‟ Toby took two steps and hugged her. ‟Just let me get my feet underneath me.‟ He was glad when they agreed, and he made it as far as the front step before sitting down. ‟Elliot, lock that, will ya?‟

‟Sure.‟ Elliot frowned. ‟Where are the keys?‟

‟Wait.‟ Toby thought about it. ‟I don‛t know. Did he give me keys?‟

Elliot sat down next to him. ‟Let‛s worry about it tomorrow. What do you need most?‟

‟Food and a flat surface.‟ Toby levered himself up and started for the deli. He saw Davey‛s worried look and smiled to reassure him. Harry gave him a fast hug and beat it out the door with his sister.

‟You sent them to make sure Angus doesn‛t give in to Veronica, didn‛t you?‟ Elliot asked.

‟Me? Would I do that?‟ Toby had, and he didn‛t regret it. ‟Angus might keep them.‟

Elliot put him in a chair. ‟And if he does?‟

‟I won‛t blame him a bit.‟ Toby put his head on his arms. He breathed while Elliot waited on him. The soup smelled good, and he ate it all. Elliot was there to help him up the stairs. Toby left a trail of clothes through the apartment and hit the bed. He was asleep before the light was out.

*********

Elliot helped Davey clean up before taking a long shower. Work was going to seem tame after today.

Davey had only said one thing. ‟Chris will adapt. This is all new. I have watched him. At first, he struggled to do the smallest thing. Now, he runs this place, acts as a lawyer, and enjoys your friendship. Fatherhood will come to him. I have faith.‟

Elliot had thanked him, but there was nothing else to discuss. It was possible that Davey knew Toby best. Elliot dried off, put on some underwear and sweats, and went to watch some TV. He needed to relax a minute, maybe find an ice pack for his face. Angus wasn‛t a wimp. There was nothing on TV, but he watched because it was soothing. His guts still ached at seeing Toby so hurt, so . . . trapped.

Elliot‛s phone rang, and he found it. ‟Stabler.‟

‟Is he okay?‟ Holly asked.

‟Yes. He‛s sleeping.‟ Elliot sat back down. ‟I‛m a wreck. Thanks for asking.‟

She giggled. ‟So am I. Angus is a basket case, and Harry fell asleep. Veronica called, but when she found out that we were here, she refused to come over. If I didn‛t know better, I‛d think that Dad set it up that way.‟

‟Really?‟ Elliot played innocent. He suddenly had a thought. ‟Hey, what about our contractor?‟

‟I called him and rescheduled for tomorrow.‟ Holly was a smart girl. ‟I‛ll bring Angus in the morning, and I promise that there will be no fighting.‟

Elliot hoped not. ‟I have to go to work. You‛re not an adult yet, Holly. Don‛t take it all on yourself.‟

‟Elliot, I‛ve been an adult since my brother was killed in front of me. Get used to the idea.‟ Holly‛s voice was matter-of-fact. ‟Thanks for all you‛ve done for my father.‟

‟It‛s not necessary.‟ Elliot felt that familiar clench when he was confronted with a child‛s pain. ‟Take it slow with him tomorrow. Sometimes, after a bad one, he‛s tired.‟

‟Will do. Good night.‟

‟Good night.‟ Elliot shut his phone and put it on the side table. He stretched out his legs and pushed it all to a respectable distance. There was nothing he could do to change everything that had happened. He‛d learned over the last year to take what he could get from the day. It was the only thing that kept him going.

**********

Toby woke up cold. He shivered slightly and reached for Elliot. Elliot wasn‛t there. Toby sat up fast and heard the TV. He padded out to the living room. ‟Elliot, come to bed.‟

Elliot grumbled and snored. Toby turned off the TV, grabbed him by the hand, and pulled. Elliot‛s eyes snapped open. ‟What?‟

Toby smiled. ‟Bed. I‛m cold.‟

‟Oh. Yeah.‟ Elliot got up and stretched. ‟I guess I was tired.‟

‟Those cabinets nearly killed us.‟ Toby picked that event instead of the fight. He walked with Elliot back to the bed. ‟Hold me.‟

Elliot did. He wrapped around him firmly after they were under the covers. ‟Your head?‟

‟It‛s on my shoulders. What more can I ask?‟ Toby loved the feel Elliot‛s warm skin against him. ‟You feel good.‟

‟So do you.‟ Elliot‛s voice was soft. ‟Holly called. I told her you were fine.‟

‟Good. She‛s so grown-up.‟ Toby suddenly had to have more. He wiggled around until their chests were together. ‟Her childhood wasn‛t much of one. She had to be strong to survive.‟

Elliot kissed him. ‟Tell me that she had a good therapist.‟

‟The best money could buy.‟ Toby ran his hand down Elliot‛s tattooed arm. ‟I can only blame myself every hour of the day. You understand?‟

‟Completely. No matter what anyone says, she‛s your child and it‛s on you.‟ Elliot pushed Toby‛s head down and fumbled at the rubber bands. ‟She makes a mean braid too.‟

Toby couldn‛t laugh around the lump in his throat. Elliot understood. He always understood. Toby loved him so much. ‟You know, the kids are gone.‟

Elliot chuckled and slid his hand down Toby‛s side. ‟But you‛re too tired.‟

‟And I‛m sure your face hurts.‟ Toby lightly kissed the bruise on Elliot‛s cheek. He moved it down to Elliot‛s lips, but didn‛t press hard. Elliot was the one who wanted more, and Toby was glad. Toby needed a touch to remind him that he was something besides a fucked up mess of memories that wouldn‛t go the hell away. ‟Bet you‛ll be glad to go back to work.‟

Elliot didn‛t answer except with a small grunt as he rolled on top. Those little briefs did nothing to disguise his hard dick, and Toby shoved up into it. He caressed and licked until he had to have more of him. Elliot groaned deeply when Toby found enough space to roll over. Elliot stopped for one moment and then reached under his pillow.

‟You went to the pharmacy?‟

‟I know it‛s for pansies, but it‛ll make me feel better so shut up about it.‟ Elliot had that grouchy look on his face.

Toby laughed softly. It had been considerate of him. ‟Don‛t look under my pillow and we‛ll be fine.‟ He caught his breath when Elliot touched him deeply with slick fingers. Toby arched a little and relaxed into the pleasure. He shut his eyes and let it happen however it would. Elliot was a good lover, taking his time to make it great for them both.

Elliot kissed him deeply and tugged his long hair. ‟Can I sleep now?‟

‟If ya gotta.‟ Toby smacked him on the ass and went to clean up. Elliot caught up with him, and they exchanged a look. Toby raised his eyebrows. ‟What?‟

‟Kathy said I‛d run when you put the moves on me.‟ Elliot shrugged.

‟What about me? Don‛t I get to run?‟ Toby washed his hands and pulled out another rubber band. He followed Elliot back out to the bed.

Elliot lifted Toby‛s pillow. ‟I was afraid of that.‟

‟Hey, it helps me sleep.‟ Toby grabbed the pillow and put it back over the knife. Elliot shook his head and confiscated it. Toby protested, ‟Come on!‟

‟It might jab me in the head.‟ Elliot put it in the side table drawer. ‟Don‛t worry. If the Nazis come through the door, I‛ll shoot them.‟

Toby sighed. He should‛ve kept his mouth shut. ‟That‛s it. I‛m running.‟

Elliot got under the covers and turned out the light. He clearly wasn‛t worried. Toby wanted to know what else Kathy had said. ‟Did she have any other words of wisdom for us?‟

‟Nah. You‛re gay, and I‛m an idiot. That covered it.‟ Elliot yawned and pulled him closer. ‟When do you want the rent?‟

‟Again?‟ Toby smiled. He kissed him. ‟Let‛s sleep instead.‟

Elliot didn‛t answer, and Toby sank into the warmth. He felt as if he‛d slept all day, and he had, but he wanted to lie here forever.

*********

Elliot slapped off the alarm and groaned. ‟My face hurts.‟

Toby kissed it. ‟I‛ll get you an ice pack.‟

‟And coffee.‟ Elliot pulled him back when he would have left and kissed him hard. ‟Okay. Now you can go.‟

Toby groaned and dressed quickly. ‟I have to face Veronica today!‟

‟Yeah. Try not to give in immediately.‟ Elliot got up and stretched. His face did hurt, and he heard the door shut. Toby had gone downstairs to get him some ice. It was nice of him. Elliot had no intention of running. He liked it here, and Kathy would get used to it. By the time Toby got back, Elliot was showered and dressed for work.

‟Thanks.‟ Elliot put the ice pack on his cheek and took the coffee with his other hand. ‟Hey, Toby. Don‛t worry about Kathy. I‛m not leaving unless Holly makes me.‟

Toby smiled. ‟I won‛t then. Don‛t worry about Veronica. I won‛t let her drive me off.‟

‟Good.‟ Elliot made sure he had everything. He hoped that Toby could stand against her. ‟Gotta go.‟

Toby nodded. He didn‛t ask for a kiss, but Elliot gave him one anyway. Elliot had some misgivings about leaving, but he had to go to work. ‟Carry your cell and call me if there‛s a big problem.‟

Toby rolled his eyes, but said nothing. Elliot went downstairs - Toby right behind him. Toby had the deli open, but Davey wasn‛t there yet.

‟Hey, Elliot. Just one kiss?‟

Elliot stepped back to him. Toby managed to avoid the coffee and the icepack. He straightened Elliot‛s tie and Elliot looked so serious that it was easy to kiss him.

‟Have a good day,‟ Toby said softly.

‟You too.‟ Elliot turned and nearly sank right through the floor. He decided to ignore Holly‛s smirk and Angus‛s open mouth. Well, the stupid cat was out of the bag now. He walked to work, tossed the ice bag in the trash, and sat at his desk. Before he did anything, he made a call.

‟You still coming back?‟ Toby‛s voice was full of laughter.

Elliot didn‛t smile. Olivia was looking at him. ‟Don‛t lose your nuts today.‟

Toby laughed. ‟I‛m more worried about my brain.‟

‟You‛ll make it.‟ Elliot had to go. ‟Call if you need to.‟ And he hung up. He felt like a damn idiot, but he didn‛t think he was ashamed. He‛d wanted to keep it private though, and that was impossible now. Shit.

*********

Toby controlled his facial expressions. ‟Where‛s Harry?‟ He couldn‛t discuss what they‛d seen.

‟He didn‛t want to come.‟ Holly took Toby by the hand. ‟Something about Veronica and how he couldn‛t watch.‟

‟Ouch.‟ Toby sighed. He looked at Angus. ‟When is she getting here?‟

‟I don‛t know. She said the morning, but she likes to sleep late.‟ Angus wrung his hands. ‟Eleven?‟

Holly gave him a squeeze. ‟Our furniture is coming today. Is that okay?‟

‟Next door, right?‟ Toby was in trouble with Davey otherwise.

‟Yes.‟

Toby pulled her close and hugged her. ‟Everything‛s going to be fine. Oh, and you need to get a locksmith. I don‛t have keys to that place.‟ He cupped her face with his hand. ‟I need some coffee. Tell me what your ideas are for the bottom space.‟

She turned him loose, and he got coffee for all of them. It was early yet, and he sat at a table and waited for her to spill it. She put sugar and cream in her coffee, sat down, and said, ‟Davey and I have talked. He agrees that an ice cream shop like Harry wants is a bad idea.‟

Toby smiled. Angus did too. His nose was swollen and looked painful. Toby felt more than a little guilt over that. ‟Angus, sorry about your face.‟

‟I should‛ve gotten an ice pack like Elliot.‟ Angus touched his face gently and winced.

‟I‛ll get you one. Hang on, Holly.‟ Toby found another zip lock bag and filled it with ice. Angus seemed glad to have it. Toby sat back down. ‟Okay. Ready.‟

Holly took a deep breath. ‟Davey has a cousin that wants to open a bakery, but can‛t find space that he can afford. A bakery could supply fresh bread for Davey.‟

Toby thought about it. ‟Another hole in my wall?‟

‟We were thinking an archway, if you don‛t mind. It‛ll be a small bakery. Small, Dad.‟ Holly‛s big eyes were pleading.

‟Are we charging rent or taking a percentage of the profits, if there are any?‟ Toby asked firmly. He wasn‛t sure about this. Even if it would smell good.

Holly bit her lower lip and didn‛t answer right away. Angus tapped the table. ‟Holly is getting a degree in business, or so she says. Maybe we should let her figure it out.‟

Toby understood it all better now. She wanted to try her hand in business, knowing that she had backup - her fathers. ‟I‛m not baking bread.‟

‟I‛d never ask you to.‟ Holly shook her head firmly. ‟Daniel and I want to make it a more relaxed atmosphere over there - a few computers, maybe some couches, not so much in and out as over here.‟

‟Daniel?‟ Toby knew he‛d missed something. He also knew that it was basically a done deal. He‛d have to help out and hope she didn‛t lose her shirt. ‟Who is paying for the bakery renovation?‟

‟Daniel, Davey‛s cousin, is paying for most of it, if we stick to our budget.‟ Holly smiled. ‟He‛s amazing.‟

‟Oy.‟ Toby saw the future clearly. ‟Holly, you‛re a shiksa. Don‛t even think about dating him.‟

Holly slowly nodded. ‟He‛s at least thirty. I wouldn‛t, but I do like him. That‛s okay, right?‟

‟I guess,‟ Angus said slowly. ‟Are you sure you wouldn‛t rather come live on campus?‟

‟Positive.‟ Holly didn‛t look as if she‛d change her mind on that point. ‟Dad, um, Harry wants to bunk on my side. Is that okay?‟

Toby nodded. ‟Join the apartments in Elliot‛s room. I‛ll move over there, and he can have my room.‟

Angus coughed. ‟I would never have guessed that he was . . . that you two were . . .‟

Toby glared hard enough to make whatever Angus was getting ready to say die away. ‟For your face‛s sake, I‛d shut up now.‟

Holly reached and wrapped her hand around Toby‛s arm. ‟Dad, we don‛t care.‟

‟Well, I do, and so does he.‟ Toby looked her right in the eyes. ‟Don‛t talk about it with anyone, especially us.‟

Holly and Angus both nodded and looked uncomfortable. Toby took a long drink of coffee. ‟I want to meet Daniel soon, but not today. Angus and I have final say on the contracts. You‛re not legally old enough to do anything.‟

‟Not a problem.‟ Holly smiled. ‟You do own the buildings.‟

Toby finished his coffee and went to put on his apron. Davey would be in soon. ‟I hope my brain behaves today,‟ he muttered to himself. He‛d had three attacks this week and didn‛t want another one. It was Thursday. Maybe he‛d get through. ‟Oh, and one thing you need to know. Daniel will probably close Fridays early and stay closed on Saturdays. It‛s Shabbas.‟

‟Okay.‟ She and Angus got up. ‟We‛re going to go take out the carpet.‟

‟Or try,‟ Angus said tiredly. ‟I may have to call Elliot for backup.‟

Toby waved and started his morning routine. He had an appointment with Huang for tomorrow, but today, he‛d work and think about nothing until he had to deal with Veronica.

*********

‟Hey, Elliot. Get Davey‛s for lunch!‟ Munch grinned. ‟You get a discount, right?‟

‟Not likely.‟ Elliot shook his head. ‟It‛s your turn to buy anyway.‟

Munch grumbled something, and Elliot happened to see Huang in the hallway. Elliot quickly went to speak with him. ‟Hey, Doc. Got a minute?‟

‟Of course, Elliot.‟ Huang always said that, even if he didn‛t have time. They went to his office, but Elliot didn‛t want to sit.

‟How are you?‟

‟Good.‟ Elliot smiled, but not much. ‟It‛s Chris I‛m worried about. He had a bad attack yesterday. He was violent, and I‛d never seen that before.‟

Huang sat down. ‟Did he hurt anyone?‟

‟Punched his brother in the nose.‟ Elliot went ahead and sat down across from him. ‟Honestly, if I hadn‛t known him, I might have arrested him.‟

Huang had a pencil and was writing. ‟Do you know what triggered it?‟

Elliot thought about it. ‟Angus, the brother, hit me.‟ He pointed at the obvious bruise on his face. ‟And Chris completely lost control.‟

‟But he had a flashback?‟

‟Yes. I think he was beating someone up.‟ Elliot wasn‛t sure he was doing the right thing, but he needed to talk to someone about it. It had scared him more than he‛d admit. ‟He‛s had three this week. He‛s scared, and I‛m worried.‟

Huang nodded. He made a few more notes before leaning back in his chair. ‟Elliot, he loves you. You were in danger, and he couldn‛t deal with it.‟

Elliot bit the inside of his mouth. ‟I don‛t know about the love part. Do you think he‛s under too much stress from his family showing up?‟

‟Excuse me?‟ Huang looked confused. ‟His family?‟

‟Damn it. I told him to call you.‟ Elliot rubbed his hand down his face. ‟Doc, do me a favor and go see him, will ya?‟

Huang looked at him steadily. ‟Do you love him?‟

Elliot wasn‛t going to answer that straight on. ‟I care. Isn‛t that enough? And I don‛t want to see anyone hurt.‟

‟I agree. I‛ll go visit with him today.‟ Huang sighed. ‟Did I tell you that I wrote a paper on him?‟

‟I bet he was mad.‟

‟You guessed it. It was recently published, and I may win an award for it.‟ Huang and came out from behind his desk. ‟Chris doesn‛t know it, but he‛s helping other people with PTSD.‟

Elliot stood. It was time to get out of here before his mouth got him in trouble. ‟Help him, if you can.‟ He beat it back to his desk.

*********

Toby warned Davey about Veronica, of course, but there was nothing that could have prepared them for the reality of her. High heels, gold dress, diamonds flashing in rich blonde hair, a face that could launch a few ships: and that was only the beginning. Her voice was sexy, like hot brown sugar over biscuits on a cold day, and he felt his dick respond to her.

Davey‛s eyes were wide. ‟Chris, you are in trouble,‟ he whispered.

‟No shit.‟ Toby was afraid that he looked like a deer in the headlights, and he‛d bet his last Ativan that she could smell weakness in males. ‟Veronica, why don‛t we go upstairs and talk?‟

‟Private is a good idea.‟ Her accent was mild, almost more French than British, and he found himself staring at her perfect lips. He offered her something to drink, but she declined, and they went upstairs together. Davey had wiped his brow. Toby watched her legs go up the stairs and had the feeling that she was putting on a show for him. His dick liked it a lot. He had her sit on the sofa, but he took the one chair that faced it. His mouth was dry as chalk, and he thought it was nothing to do with the Effexor.

‟Angus is next door,‟ he said lamely.

‟I have a feeling that this conversation is only between me and you.‟ She smiled, and he instantly responded. He was in trouble, and he knew it. She teased her tongue out and licked her lower lip. ‟You are a lawyer like your brother?‟

Toby tried to take his eyes off her tongue. ‟Yes. I know you love him enough to sign a pre-nup. It‛s a very small thing to ask.‟ He could believe now the panic and upset that his brother had felt. This woman was exquisite.

‟It‛s his way of saying that he doesn‛t trust me.‟ She adjusted her dress hem on her legs slightly, knowing that he would look. ‟A marriage should have trust. Don‛t you agree?‟

‟This isn‛t about trust. It‛s about protecting his children.‟ Toby tried to remember the arguments he‛d carefully prepared. ‟Is that Chanel No. 5?‟

‟It‛s Angus‛s favorite,‟ she purred. ‟Yours too, I assume.‟ She raised her eyebrows. ‟Angus has no children. I hope to remedy that.‟

Toby shut his eyes to take her out of his sight. He needed a break from all that beauty and sensuality. ‟He has legal custody. They‛re his in the eyes of the court.‟

‟And in your eyes?‟ She struck right to the heart. ‟I know you want to be with your children. This is that time. Tobias, I love your brother. Is that so wrong?‟

‟I go by Chris - my middle name.‟ Toby wasn‛t sure what they were discussing any longer. He didn‛t even have spit to swallow. ‟I‛m getting a soda. You want one?‟

‟No, thank you, Chris,‟ she drawled out his name.

Toby tried not to run to the kitchen. He stuck his head in the freezer and took a deep breath. This woman could have any man in New York begging for her glance. Why was she fixated on Angus? Could it be love? Toby found a soda and took it a long drink before going back to his chair. She was up and looking at this and that.

‟Harry is a remarkable resemblance to you.‟ She turned that high-wattage smile on him again. ‟Holly has your hair.‟

‟I love them.‟ Toby went with the obvious. He had to think, but his dick didn‛t want to send any blood back to his brain. ‟Veronica, I want you to sign the agreement. It‛s standard in marriages like these.‟

Veronica turned now and moved in on him. He almost stood, but she was too close. ‟Like these? Am I nothing but trash to you?‟

‟I know exactly what you are - a woman of great worth - but it changes nothing. You have no assets.‟ Toby tried not to stare at her tits. ‟He does. A pre-nup is standard.‟

‟I do not believe you have the power over him that I do.‟ She reached down and traced her finger down Toby‛s nose. ‟Have you had a woman since your release from prison?‟

‟That‛s none of your business.‟ Toby moved his face away. He was moving from stunned and horny to stunned and disgusted and horny. ‟Sign it, and I‛ll dance at your wedding.‟

She leaned over, providing him with an excellent view. ‟Perhaps prison turned you into a girl. It can do that. This is what we will do. You will change your mind, and I will not make Angus hate you.‟

Toby stood, which resulted in her practically on top of him. ‟How about this: you sign, and I‛ll welcome you to the family.‟

‟You are stronger than your brother. I appreciate strong men.‟ She took him by surprise, and in his effort to get away, he sat down in the chair again. His lips pulsed from the kiss. She was a ‛ore, and she said huskily, ‟Chris, we are going to do this my way.‟

‟No, Veronica. No, we‛re not,‟ Angus said loudly. She whipped around, and Toby got up and away from her. Angus narrowed his eyes. He was furious. ‟My brother is gay - immune to your charms.‟

Toby hoped his hard dick didn‛t show through his jeans. ‟Just sign it.‟

Angus shook his head. ‟I‛ve given you everything. Now we‛re stateside, you want citizenship, don‛t you?‟

She strolled to him. ‟I do. Who wouldn‛t? If you‛ll give me anything, why a pre-nup? Do you hate me so much?‟ She pouted prettily.

Toby didn‛t think she understood. Angus had seen her kissing him. ‟Toby, go downstairs,‟ Angus ground out.

‟I better not.‟ Toby did move further away. ‟Angus, she‛s beautiful and sexy and sexy, but I think she just wants your money.‟

‟I‛ve earned it!‟ Veronica smiled at them both. ‟If nothing else, for making a man out of Harry. Now, Angus, you and I will marry tomorrow, and that will stay our little secret. The people at Hudson would be appalled to know that you‛d shared a woman with your son!‟

Toby opened his phone instead of hitting her. It was time to get some help. ‟Special Victim‛s Unit? I‛d like to report a crime.‟

Elliot promised to run, and Toby tried to explain it precisely. He gave up when Angus let out a sound like a sob. ‟You whore!‟

Veronica laughed throatily. ‟You and your faggy brother haven‛t got a clue. I‛ve gotten about everything I came for anyway. Now that I am in America, everything will be easy. Kiss me, Angus. Just one more time.‟

Toby shut his phone. ‟Do I get a turn?‟ he asked dryly. He watched Angus‛s face turn from anger to rage. Toby moved fast and pushed him back. ‟No, Angus!‟

Veronica stroked her hand across Toby‛s ass. ‟The faggot would have a better ass.‟

‟Let me go! I‛m going to kill her!‟ Angus struggled.

Toby kept him pinned against the now shut door. ‟She isn‛t worth it. Trust me.‟ He turned his head and glared at her. ‟Let go of that!‟

She giggled. ‟A pair of fools.‟

Angus threw Toby off, took two steps, and the door flew open. Elliot pushed Angus flat against the wall. ‟Angus, this is not how I wanted to spend my lunch.‟

Veronica perked up at the sight. ‟A real man arrives at last. You two run along.‟ She waved her hand at Toby and Angus. ‟This one has balls.‟

Toby smoothed his hands through his hair. He had to think clearly. ‟Angus, I‛m going to go talk with Harry. You handle this here.‟

Elliot looked right at him. ‟I‛ll call you.‟

‟Do that.‟ Toby beat it down the stairs and called a cab. He went next door, sent Holly to help Davey, and made sure he had his phone and some money. Veronica might have been lying, but Toby was going to find out, and then she better hope that Elliot protected her from him.

**********

Elliot arrested her. At this point there was no evidence, but it was the only way to keep Angus from trying to kill her. Thank God that Toby had called him.

‟Handcuffs. I like a bit of spice in the bedroom.‟ Veronica managed to rub up against him. He put his hand on Angus‛s chest and held him back. This apartment wasn‛t big enough for a brawl.

‟Elliot?‟

‟Up here!‟ Elliot was very relieved to hear Olivia‛s voice. ‟Could you hurry?‟

Olivia was there almost immediately. ‟Problem?‟

‟Miss Ashley is under arrest.‟ Elliot turned her loose and blocked Angus‛s way. ‟Put her in the car, please.‟

Angus made one last futile grab. ‟She molested my son!‟

Elliot shut the door behind them. ‟Angus, take a deep breath. This isn‛t helping things.‟

‟I should‛ve listened! I was too busy fucking her brains out!‟ Angus collapsed on the sofa, his head in his hands.

‟Elliot!‟

Elliot beat it down the stairs. Holly was squared off in front of Olivia and Veronica, and he caught her before she did anything stupid. ‟Holly, enough!‟

‟That‛s my grandmother‛s jewelry!‟ Holly‛s blue eyes were furious.

Elliot got in Veronica‛s face. ‟Did you help yourself to the family jewels?‟

Veronica leaned and brushed her lips against him. ‟It‛s all mine, like Angus.‟

‟Wrong.‟ Elliot got her, Olivia, and Holly out of the deli fast. Davey was going to have a breakdown. ‟Holly, what exactly is yours?‟

Holly pointed. ‟All of it!‟

‟Liv, help me here.‟

Olivia took the jewelry off her and handed it to Holly. ‟Elliot, I hope we know what we‛re doing.‟

‟Me too.‟ Elliot took Holly aside while Olivia put Veronica in the car. ‟Go up and help Angus get a grip, and then have him come down to the station house to file a complaint. Okay?‟

Holly nodded. ‟Dad shouldn‛t go?‟

‟No, just Angus.‟ Elliot gave her a quick hug. ‟And tell Davey I‛m sorry for the confusion.‟

‟Will do.‟ Holly hurried back inside.

Elliot got in the car and sighed. ‟Liv, meet Veronica Ashley. She allegedly molested Harry Beecher.‟

Veronica laughed. ‟He wanted it. He‛s old enough to know what he wants.‟

‟She‛s not from here, is she?‟ Olivia‛s mouth dropped open. ‟Did you forget the silent part?‟

‟No.‟ Elliot parked the car and got out. ‟Let‛s run her fingerprints through Interpol.‟ He helped her out and ignored the rub she gave him. She thoroughly disgusted him. Olivia got the process started, and Elliot dug out his phone. ‟What‛s going on?‟ he asked the instant that Toby picked up.

‟Harry swears he didn‛t touch her.‟ Toby‛s voice was low.

‟What about the other way around?‟ Elliot asked dryly. He was going to need to talk to Harry.

Toby hesitated. ‟He says he ran. He‛s very ashamed. I believe him.‟

‟Bring him. I‛ll meet you at the door. You can walk to Davey‛s.‟

‟We‛ll discuss it when I get there.‟ Toby hung up. He sounded as if he were holding together. Elliot called Huang next. This promised to be very messy, and Cragen pounced on him the instant he crossed the doorway.

‟What‛s going on?‟

Elliot took a deep breath and ran through it all.

‟Get the boy‛s statement. She admits it?‟

‟She seems proud of it.‟ Elliot still couldn‛t believe it. ‟Do we have to call the British Embassy?‟

Cragen frowned. ‟I‛ll call Novak.‟

Elliot went outside to wait for Toby and Harry. Five minutes later, they were there. Toby looked furious, and Harry was slinking along - poor kid.

‟Go home.‟ Elliot put his arm around Harry. ‟Angus will be here soon.‟

‟He‛s my son!‟ Toby protested instantly.

Elliot nodded, but this wasn‛t a good place for Toby to be. ‟Is it okay if we talk to him?‟

‟Of course.‟ Toby sighed. He gave Harry a hard hug. ‟I‛ll go make sure Angus is on the way.‟

‟Da, I‛m sorry.‟ Harry sniffed.

‟Harry, you did nothing wrong.‟ Toby held him tight. ‟Go with Elliot. Okay? You like him, right?‟

‟Yeah.‟ Harry sighed. Toby turned him loose and started walking for the deli. Elliot noticed that Toby was hurrying.

Elliot took Harry inside and to a room where Munch caught up with them. ‟I‛ll sit with him, Elliot. Olivia wants to talk to you.‟

Elliot ruffled Harry‛s hair. ‟Okay with you, Harry?‟

‟No prob.‟ Harry looked up at him. Elliot smiled and left him with Munch.

Olivia caught him in the hallway. ‟We have a bigger problem.‟

Elliot groaned. ‟She‛s not the Queen of England, I hope.‟

‟No, but she‛s not Veronica Ashley either.‟

*********

Toby opened the door to the deli, and Angus nearly fell out it. ‟That way - four blocks. Move your ass.‟

Angus nodded and took off. Holly grabbed Toby by the arm. ‟Do you think-‟ she broke off.

‟I don‛t know, but I‛m very sure that Elliot will find out the truth before the day is over. It‛s what he‛s good at, and that‛s very good.‟ Toby pulled her out, away from the building, and hugged her. ‟Take a breath. We‛ll deal with this one step at a time.‟

Holly nodded and hid her head in his shoulder. Toby breathed with her. His brain was holding together, but he prayed that none of his triggers popped up. He shut his eyes. ‟Angus?‟

‟He was crazy mad, but he calmed down.‟ Holly sighed. ‟That bitch.‟

‟How did Angus hook up with her?‟ Toby sank down on the step in front of the empty building and put his arm around her.

‟Oxford. They met at some university thing.‟ Holly shook her head. ‟He was so proud that she picked him.‟

Toby understood that feeling. ‟Well, she won‛t be back, and you two can move in with Angus now.‟

Holly tensed up. ‟You don‛t want us?‟

Four little words and she broke his heart in half. ‟Holly, I‛m not safe. It doesn‛t matter what I want,‟ he said quietly, hoping that she was listening.

‟Dad, Harry and I discussed this last night. The only way we want to leave is if we‛re making you worse.‟

Toby didn‛t think she understood. ‟And if I have a flashback like yesterday‛s again? Elliot isn‛t always here. Hell, he‛s usually never here.‟

Holly didn‛t answer at first. She hugged him tight. ‟Can we do this one day at a time?‟

Toby gave up. ‟Yes, but promise me you won‛t date Daniel.‟ He flashed her a smile to break the tension.

She giggled. ‟I promise. Let‛s go help Davey.‟

‟Think we can trust Angus and Elliot?‟ Toby didn‛t let go of her as they went in the deli.

‟Definitely. Poor Angus.‟

‟Poor Harry,‟ Toby said softly. He hated this for his son. ‟Holly, do the tables. I‛ll get the cash register.‟

‟Forget that!‟ Holly threw the apron at him. He rolled his eyes and got to work. Davey seemed relieved to see them both.

Toby worked and breathed, trying to leave the worrying for later. When his watch beeped that it was time for his meds, he was surprised. Davey handed him a basket of food. ‟Go and I don‛t want you back. Rest.‟

‟But-‟ Toby frowned as Davey shook his head.

‟Go. Do not argue with an old man.‟

Toby looked at Holly, but she was clearly in on this. He got out gracefully. ‟Thanks, Davey, but you‛re not old.‟

Davey smiled and went back to work. Toby went upstairs, ate his food, and took the Effexor and half an Ativan, just in case. He lay on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. His kids didn‛t want to leave, and it hurt to think of them gone, but what if it wasn‛t safe? And Angus may insist on it. Toby shut his eyes and tried not to think. He‛d deal with it all later. Breathe. Breathe.

*********

‟Elliot, I believe him.‟ Huang stuffed his hands in his pockets. ‟She tried, but he resisted. He was traumatized by it, but there was no systematic abuse, only an isolated event.‟

Elliot was glad to hear it. ‟I believe him also. How he resisted is another thing entirely.‟

Huang raised his eyebrows. ‟Not everyone is led around by their, um . . .‟

‟Dick? He‛s thirteen. I know which head is thinking for him.‟ Elliot raised his eyebrows. He remembered thirteen clearly. ‟She could make the Pope rethink his vows.‟

Huang sighed. ‟I‛ll go with them. Chris is going to need some reassurance.‟

‟He sure is.‟ Elliot nodded. That was a good solution. ‟Make sure to tell them that she won‛t be bothering them again.‟

‟I will.‟ Huang suddenly smiled. ‟Did she really kiss you when you took the cuffs off?‟

Elliot blushed. He was trying to forget it and considering mouth wash. ‟I think she kissed Olivia too, so it don‛t mean much. Gotta go.‟ He beat a retreat before Huang started laughing. There were hours of paperwork ahead of him, but for the Beecher family, things were going to get better - something good from the day.

*********

‟Toby?‟

Toby jerked awake, breathing hard. ‟In here!‟ He headed for the living room, rubbing his face and cursing himself. Hugging his brother seemed the right thing to do and they stood motionless for a moment. Toby heard a small cough, pulled away, wiped his eyes, and said, ‟Dr. Huang, come in.‟

Huang smiled. ‟I thought we should all talk.‟

Angus nodded. ‟We should.‟ He sat on the sofa, and Toby gave the chair to Huang. Toby sat by his brother and waited for all the bad news. His heart was pounding. ‟Where‛s Harry?‟

‟Downstairs mopping. Holly‛s contractor showed up a few minutes ago.‟ Angus slumped back. ‟What a crazy day.‟

Huang looked sympathetic. ‟Emotional also. Chris, I don‛t believe that the woman you knew as Veronica molested Harry. She tried, but he refused her and managed to get away.‟

‟She was trying to blackmail Angus.‟ Toby had believed his son, but he was completely relieved. He frowned in confusion. ‟Her name wasn‛t Veronica?‟

‟No. It was an alias - one of six. She‛s a black widow.‟ Angus shivered. ‟Interpol was thrilled to have her in custody.‟

‟She‛s wanted in France and Germany,‟ Huang said. ‟She‛ll be deported as soon as possible.‟

Toby rubbed his face again. ‟Am I awake?‟

Huang leaned and took Toby‛s pulse. ‟Yes. Did you take an Ativan?‟

‟Half.‟ Toby nodded. ‟My mouth is dry. You want a soda or something?‟

‟No, thank you.‟

Toby got a soda out of the fridge and went back to the couch. ‟I‛m not sure what else to say. Just, wow.‟ Of course, he‛d fallen in love with a murderer also. Maybe it was some sort of genetic flaw in the Beecher men.

‟I may never get over this.‟ Angus took a breath like a sob. ‟Harry told me. I didn‛t believe him. He told me!‟

Toby pulled his brother into a sideways hug. Angus seemed to fold up. He cried, and it made Toby feel as if the world was coming to an end. ‟Huang, can he have half an Ativan?‟

‟I happen to have some Xanax with me.‟ Huang opened his bag. ‟Is he an alcoholic?‟

‟No.‟ Toby pushed him up a little. ‟Angus, take a pill and then I want you to rest.‟

Angus wiped his eyes and nodded. Huang handed it to him, and Toby made him drink some soda. Toby helped him to the bedroom and got him comfortable. ‟Rest, Angus. We all love you.‟

Angus practically curled up, his eyes closed. Toby sighed, shut the door, and went back to the sofa. Huang gave him a small smile. ‟Angus held up fine at the precinct. This is completely normal. I expected it.‟

‟Do we need to medicate Harry also?‟

‟No, but watch him. His is a different kind of guilt.‟ Huang crossed his legs. ‟Elliot told you to call me.‟

‟Shit,‟ Toby whispered with a groan. ‟I forgot!‟

‟Likely excuse.‟ Huang started digging in his pockets. ‟I think I need my meds now.‟

‟You‛re a funny guy for a shrink.‟ Toby rolled his eyes. ‟I‛ll get my calendar.‟

‟Good idea.‟ Huang opened his bag and dug out his manila notepad and a pen. ‟I‛m ready when you are.‟

Toby reluctantly went to the kitchen. He wished Elliot had kept his mouth shut. However, it was time to have a serious talk with the man who knew his fucked up brain the best and find out if it was safe for his children to live here. If Huang said no, they were leaving, and he would have to get over it.

*********

‟Elliot! Head home. No OT this month.‟ Cragen sounded as if he meant it. ‟You can do the paperwork tomorrow.‟

Elliot saved his work on the computer and shut it off. Munch leaned against Elliot‛s desk and smiled. He had something to say, and Elliot had a feeling he knew what.

‟Not every day you get kissed by a beautiful woman on the job.‟

‟She was ugly on the inside.‟ Elliot grinned. ‟Like you.‟

‟Oh, ouch!‟ Munch laughed. ‟Seriously, how is Harry?‟

‟He‛ll do fine. It was an isolated incident.‟ Elliot had confidence that Harry would get past it. ‟He‛s a good kid.‟

‟The resemblance to a certain witness we had once is remarkable.‟ Munch headed for his desk. ‟You headed to lockup to score some more kisses?‟

Elliot laughed, turned off his lamp, and stretched. He was headed home. Home. It might be a bit chaotic tonight, but that was okay. ‟You should try her out. I hear she‛ll kiss anyone.‟

Munch groaned. Elliot put on his jacket and headed for the elevator. He passed Olivia in the hallway. ‟Everything okay?‟

‟Fine. Novak is happy with that arrest.‟ Olivia smiled. ‟We caught someone they couldn‛t and all that.‟

‟We were doing the right thing for a change.‟ Elliot stepped on the elevator. ‟Good night, Liv.‟

‟See ya tomorrow. Bring sandwiches!‟

Elliot shook his head, but chuckled. It was his turn to buy, and she knew it. He walked the short distance and was glad they hadn‛t locked up for the night yet. Harry and Holly were having dinner at a booth, and Davey was cleaning. Davey looked a little shell-shocked, but it had been that kind of day.

‟How are ya, Davey?‟ Elliot asked.

‟Better.‟ Davey sat on the stool behind the counter. ‟That woman!‟

‟She was . . . something.‟ Elliot knew the kids were listening. ‟She won‛t be back. Not ever,‟ he said as much for them as Davey.

‟Chris is upstairs with the doctor and Angus.‟ Davey wiped his hands on his apron. ‟All my customers are gossiping about the golden woman!‟

Elliot had to laugh. ‟Was it good for business?‟

‟Not a bad day.‟ Davey glanced at the register. He suddenly lowered his voice. ‟They are good kids. I like them very much.‟

‟Me too.‟ Elliot heard his stomach rumble. ‟I‛m going to order Chinese. You want some?‟

Davey said something rude in Yiddish, threw up his hands, and went back to work. Elliot made the call. He wasn‛t eating deli food again tonight. Wandering over to their booth, he sat down by Holly.

‟Contractor? Furniture? Locksmith?‟ Elliot avoided the big topic.

‟He was here. I have a bid.‟ Holly pushed it at him. ‟Furniture arrived this morning before all hell broke loose.‟ She smiled. ‟And I have keys to the building.‟

Elliot was pleased. ‟Good for you.‟ He looked over the bid. ‟That‛s a lot of money.‟

‟It includes the renovation that Daniel wants done. He just left.‟ Holly pointed out a few figures. ‟I wouldn‛t have to pay it all.‟

‟Make sure to get Daniel‛s money up front.‟ Elliot caught the little glare she tried to cover up. ‟I‛m a cautious guy!‟

Holly giggled and patted his hand. ‟I like you, Elliot. When do we get to meet your kids?‟

‟This weekend. They can help paint. What colors are we going with?‟ Elliot smiled. He‛d like to see if Dickie and Harry would get along.

‟I have tons of samples but no ideas.‟ Holly sighed. ‟Daniel wants me to pick. He said he‛s color blind.‟

Davey scooted in a nearby chair. ‟He is. I will help you choose, and we will coordinate both shops.‟

‟Thank goodness!‟ Holly seemed pleased with that. ‟I just want the paint to be on sale.‟

‟Shiksa, will you marry me?‟ Davey asked wistfully, his eyes big.

Holly laughed. ‟That would be a meshuga!‟

Davey laughed hard. Elliot joined in, and even Harry smiled. Harry looked tired, but he‛d bounce back by morning. He had held up well at the precinct. Elliot was proud of him. Elliot heard someone coming down the stairs. It was Toby, and he smiled, but it was weak.

‟Holly, Harry, Dr. Huang wants to talk to you.‟ Toby‛s shoulders showed how tired he was. ‟All I ask is that you tell him the truth.‟

Elliot got out of the way, and the kids went upstairs. Neither of them looked too happy about it. Toby sat down hard. ‟I hope that gun has a bullet in it for me.‟

‟Think again.‟ Elliot sat down across from him. ‟What‛s Huang want?‟

‟He wants to talk to them about Veronica and my head. He told me to butt out.‟ Toby rubbed his face. ‟Hey, Davey. How many times can I apologize for the day?‟

‟Ten times was enough.‟ Davey started cleaning up the mess from Holly and Harry. ‟Once more and I will cry. My customers are never bored. In another day, things will be calm.‟

‟Except for the massive construction next door.‟ Toby had the bid and was looking at it. ‟He‛ll have to cut the doorways last.‟

Elliot shook his head. ‟First, and then use sheets of plastic to make a barrier. Otherwise, he‛ll wreck what he‛s finished.‟

Toby frowned. ‟I‛m not smart enough to think about it. Davey, will we need to close?‟

‟One day. Maybe. It will be dirty and noisy.‟ Davey didn‛t seem worried about it.

‟Are you sure you want to do this?‟ Toby put the bid down and rubbed his eyes. Elliot wanted to hold him, but couldn‛t.

Davey laughed. ‟It was my idea!‟ He pulled off his apron. ‟I am going home before the fish food arrives.‟

Elliot smiled. ‟I ordered Chinese.‟

‟Did you get enough for me?‟ Toby‛s eyes were pleading.

‟Yep.‟ Elliot was glad he had. ‟Where‛s Angus?‟

‟Asleep on your bed. He‛s medicated - the lucky bastard.‟ Toby sat back into the corner of the booth and leaned his head against his arm. ‟Huang roasted me over hot coals. Would it have killed you to keep your mouth shut?‟

Elliot saw the delivery boy and got the food before answering that. ‟It was an accident. I thought you‛d called him.‟

Toby was opening sacks. ‟Oh, man. I haven‛t tried this place.‟

‟You eat nothing but turkey.‟ Elliot had noticed. Davey went past with his nose in the air. Toby and Elliot both waved but didn‛t stop opening the food. Elliot waited until the door was long shut. He leaned across the table. Toby‛s lips were there almost instantly. Toby lingered over it. Elliot finally pulled away with a groan. ‟I can‛t believe we were busted this morning! Was it just this morning? It seems like a week ago.‟

‟It was a long day.‟ Toby started eating, but he mumbled around a mouthful, ‟How many men had she killed?‟

‟Two for sure. One suspected. She went to England and got her hooks into Angus. He was the perfect way to get to this country. She‛ll fight extradition but lose.‟ Elliot stopped talking and started eating. He‛d skipped lunch. Toby didn‛t seem to want to talk about it any longer. They ate and occasionally smiled at each other. Elliot would never understand how he‛d come to this place, but he was glad to be here. They both heard someone on the stairs, and it was Huang. He came over and pulled up a chair.

‟Want some?‟ Elliot asked. There was plenty.

Huang looked it over. ‟Really?‟

Toby handed him a carton and some clean chopsticks. ‟Is Huang always shy?‟

‟Nah. He pushed me down once for a jelly donut.‟ Elliot grinned but only for Toby.

Huang grabbed some napkins. ‟You tripped!‟

‟Classic denial with tendencies toward avoidance behaviors,‟ Toby deadpanned. ‟I recommend shock therapy.‟

Elliot loved the look on Huang‛s face. ‟We could use my car battery.‟

Toby cracked open a fortune cookie. ‟Good idea.‟

Huang cleared his throat. ‟It‛s not denial if that‛s the way it happened.‟

‟Delusions now. Sad, really.‟ Toby popped in a cookie, and Elliot made a mental note to tell Munch about this conversation.

‟Okay, enough fun. Are my kids moving out?‟ Toby asked softly.

Huang glanced at Elliot. ‟They want to stay, and I believe that as long as Elliot isn‛t in danger, you won‛t get violent again. He triggered it.‟

‟Yeah. He did.‟ Toby sighed. ‟I don‛t want to hurt them.‟

‟You won‛t.‟ Elliot reached across the table to take him by the hand. ‟Trust yourself a little.‟

Toby gripped him tightly. ‟I can‛t. Are you sure, Doc?‟

‟Yes. I spoke frankly with them on what to do if you had a nine or a ten.‟ Huang ate some more and then finished, ‟They‛re worried, but not scared. Families of epileptics learn strategies to keep everyone safe. You will also.‟

Elliot thought that for once Huang was right on target. ‟I have two buddies with PTSD. You could talk to them about how they deal with it.‟

Huang looked interested. ‟Desert Storm?‟

‟Yes.‟ Elliot slowly pulled his hand away. Toby had about crushed it.

‟A support group is a good idea. I had considered it, but because Chris‛s experiences took place in prison, I was reluctant to include him in a group of veterans.‟

Toby‛s eyes widened. ‟Uh, yeah. That sounds bad. They might stomp me for fun.‟ He rubbed his forehead. ‟Elliot, how about you invite the nicer of the two over to paint or something? We‛ll keep it casual.‟

‟Good idea,‟ Huang said.

Elliot watched Toby carefully. ‟How‛s your head?‟

‟Nothing. Not yet. It lurks in the darkest corners, waiting patiently to make me ashamed and afraid,‟ Toby said. ‟If only I knew why.‟

‟Toby,‟ Elliot said patiently, ‟you have them because of Chris. He‛s in almost all of them. You loved him. He died violently. After all that prison threw at you, that was the event that you couldn‛t cope with.‟

Toby looked at Huang. ‟Is that true?‟

Huang put the food down and wiped his mouth. ‟Yes. I told you that three months ago. Weren‛t you listening?‟

Toby got out of the booth, went over the counter, and came back with a water for Huang. Elliot knew avoidance behavior when he saw it. Toby sat down again. ‟Really?‟

Elliot reached and touched him on the forehead. ‟You don‛t have to forget him. Maybe, just, forgive yourself?‟

Toby bit his lower lip. ‟It was my fault.‟

Elliot had read the report on the incident - twice - and he wasn‛t sure of the truth. ‟If you believe that, accept it and move on.‟ He glanced at Huang, but that was no help. Huang was opening his water.

‟But I didn‛t do it.‟ Toby frowned. ‟I was angry, but I loved him.‟

Elliot merely nodded. It was time to work this through, even he knew it. Huang was staying quiet, and that was amazing.

Toby found a fortune cookie and crushed it. ‟I‛d have forgiven him.‟

‟I‛m sure you would have.‟ Elliot found his own cookie to fiddle with and waited for Huang to jump in the conversation, but he didn‛t.

‟How I feel for you has nothing to do with him,‟ Toby rushed out. ‟You know that?‟

‟I know. And now Huang knows. Can we not tell anyone else?‟ Elliot rubbed his face. He was pretty much out of the closet at this point - not that he‛d ever been in it. ‟Please?‟

Toby smiled a little. ‟Yeah. He‛s dead, and I won‛t forget him. Hell, I am him.‟ He laughed, but it was a painful sound. ‟And you wear his face. It‛s no wonder my brain hurts half the time.‟

Elliot nodded. It was a crazy situation. ‟I‛d rather not move out, if it‛s all the same to you.‟

Huang finally spoke up. ‟Remembering Chris doesn‛t betray Elliot. Elliot still loves his wife, and that doesn‛t betray you.‟

Toby ate some cookie. ‟Chris was an idiot. He didn‛t have to kill himself!‟

‟But he did. His choice. Not yours. Not your fault.‟ Huang said each word distinctly. Elliot knew it was his turn to shut up. Huang drank some water. ‟Tobias Beecher should have been angry. Chris left him behind to deal with all the problems.‟

‟He did.‟ Toby swallowed hard. ‟But I can‛t hate him.‟

‟Don‛t. But don‛t let the memory of him destroy your life.‟ Huang looked at Elliot now. ‟Chris wouldn‛t want that. He did love you, right?‟

Toby looked sad. ‟He did, in his own fucked up way.‟ He sat up straighter. ‟Okay, enough. I‛ll think about it, but not tonight. I need to go be with my kids. Elliot, clean this mess up. Huang, I don‛t want to see you for another month.‟

‟Two weeks. I‛ll have my secretary call you with an appointment.‟ Huang scooted the chair out of the way, and Toby was gone upstairs. Elliot looked at the mess. He‛d hoped to get out of cleaning up. Huang put the chair back and started throwing things away. ‟One question?‟

‟No.‟ Elliot knew what it would be. ‟You shrinks are never completely confidential when it comes to us cops.‟ He went to get the cleaner and a paper towel to wipe the table. ‟No offense.‟

Huang snorted. ‟Elliot, I know you love him. That wasn‛t the question.‟

Elliot ignored the first half of that reply. He sprayed and wiped it down and the seats and made sure the napkin dispenser was straight. ‟Spill it.‟

‟Do you hate Chris?‟

Elliot put everything away. He pulled down the bars on the windows and shut off the lights. Huang hadn‛t moved, and Elliot opened the door for him. ‟Thanks for coming over, but make sure Chris gets the bill, not me.‟

Huang hesitated right on the doorstep. ‟I thought so and don‛t think that he doesn‛t know it.‟ He was down the step and walking. Elliot threw all the locks. He agreed with Toby. That was for later.

*********

Toby was glad when Elliot came up the stairs. Just seeing him made the world spin slower. Elliot went right to his room and came out in jeans and a T-shirt. ‟What did you give him?‟

‟Huang gave him some Xanax. He‛ll sleep all night.‟ Toby stretched and noticed that Harry was half-asleep. ‟But where are we sleeping?‟ he asked.

Holly, who was stretched out on the floor, going over the bid, pointed at the wall. ‟Build a bed next door.‟

‟She has all the answers.‟ Toby laughed. ‟Did you leave the toilet over there?‟

‟Yes.‟ Holly grinned at him. ‟The sink too.‟

‟Nice of her.‟ Toby wanted to hold Harry all night long. Stupid bitch. He waved his hand in front of Harry‛s face, but there was little reaction. ‟All right. I‛ll get a few blankets. Elliot, you staying here or going with me?‟

‟If I stay, who‛ll make the bed?‟ Elliot held out his hand. ‟Keys, please.‟

Holly tossed them to him. Toby found two blankets, a sheet, and his keys. He kissed his kids good night. They both looked tired. ‟Do not come over in the morning.‟

‟Got it.‟ Holly choked back a giggle.

Elliot sighed, and they went downstairs together. Toby gave him the blankets and took the keys. He also stopped to get a couple of waters from the cooler. Out one door and in another, and he stared at the jumble of furniture after he found a light. ‟Two kids and all this?‟

Elliot frowned. ‟It does seem like a lot. We‛ll explain to Holly about the actual size of her apartment tomorrow.‟

‟You tackle that. I‛m going to be sleeping.‟ Toby looked around. ‟Well, which one and where?‟

Elliot put the blankets down on a table. ‟Might as well haul it upstairs. That‛s where it‛s going to be.‟

‟Shit. I knew you were going to say that.‟ Toby put the water down by the blankets and went back to lock the door. He grabbed his end of the box springs, and they took it. Two more trips and they were done, both of them breathing hard. Toby opened the water. ‟An elevator would be a good idea.‟

Elliot laughed. He scooped up the blankets, and Toby followed him. Toby sat on the floor and watched him build the bed with a few tools that had been left in the kitchen. ‟Smells better now that nasty carpet is gone.‟

‟The hardwood floors underneath it aren‛t bad either. That‛ll save her a bundle.‟ Elliot stopped and looked at the bed. ‟Is this a queen?‟

Toby shrugged. ‟It‛s bigger than a cot.‟ He thought it was a queen, but he wasn‛t sure. ‟I can‛t believe she threw us out.‟

‟I can.‟ Elliot came over, took the other water, and drained it. ‟Now that we‛re alone, I want the truth.‟

Toby wasn‛t sure about that. He spread out the sheet. ‟Shit. No pillows.‟

Elliot furrowed his brow. ‟Wait a sec.‟ He went downstairs and came back up. ‟Here.‟

Toby caught the packages and smiled. He tore off the paper and tossed the pillows on the bed. ‟They moved everything.‟

‟Not so smart, but what the hell.‟ Elliot came to the bed. ‟She was . . .‟

‟Fuckable,‟ Toby finished for him. ‟I wanted to shove her on the sofa and fuck her like a wild dog.‟

‟For me, it was the table in the interrogation room.‟ Elliot sat down. ‟I think Olivia knew it too.‟

Toby was sure of that. ‟Olivia probably wanted to fuck her too. I refuse to feel guilty about it. The woman is a sexual predator. I know. I have experience.‟ He did, and he‛d never forget him.

Elliot lay back flat. ‟You‛re right. I still feel dirty.‟

‟That‛s because you‛re a good man.‟ Toby wanted to sprawl on top of him, but after today, he didn‛t want to be pushy. ‟I just wanted to fuck her.‟

‟Stop saying that!‟ Elliot pushed him.

Toby giggled. ‟Don‛t tell Angus. He thought I was immune to her charms, since I‛m gay.‟

‟You had a hard-on,‟ Elliot drawled. ‟A big one.‟

‟I noticed!‟ Toby laughed some more. He probably should have been upset or cursing, but it was good to laugh about it and make it all seem foolish. She was gone, and Harry was going to be okay. ‟The bitch - I should have killed her.‟

‟I frown on you killing people. You know that.‟ Elliot pulled him down for a kiss. ‟Hold still. I‛ll take out the braid.‟

Toby relaxed on top of him. Elliot worked at the rubber band and then pulled the hair free. Toby shook it out and caught the smile. ‟You like my hair. No, don‛t try to deny it.‟

Elliot laughed and shoved at him. ‟I do not. It‛s not military.‟

‟Like me.‟ Toby scratched his head. He sat up enough to pull off his shirt. ‟I need a shower.‟

‟I like mayo and salami.‟ Elliot moved and bit him on the shoulder - not hard.

Toby put his hand on Elliot‛s head. ‟Eaten alive twice in one day.‟

Elliot chuckled. ‟I won‛t kill you at the end of it.‟

A hard memory to face thrust itself at him. Toby frowned. ‟Chris did that. He seduced and then murdered - for any number of reasons. And I loved him. Like Angus loved her. There‛s got to be something fundamentally wrong with us.‟

‟I‛m not sure anyone can resist them.‟ Elliot leaned up and took off his T-shirt. ‟Chris would hate me.‟

Toby blinked in surprise. He watched Elliot look for a place to put his gun, shield, and phone. ‟You didn‛t have to bring your gun.‟

‟I thought you‛d feel safer.‟ Elliot sighed. ‟I saw a table. Hang on.‟

Toby took the minute to try to think clearly. Chris would have hated Elliot, so how could Toby love both of them? It didn‛t make much sense. Elliot resented Chris, Toby knew that was true. He rubbed his temples and made up his mind to think about nothing tomorrow because today he‛d been overloaded.

‟You okay?‟ Elliot sat a small table by the bed and put his stuff on it.

Toby shrugged. ‟I‛m sorry that you have to call me Chris occasionally. I imagine it makes your mouth hurt.‟

‟You probably wouldn‛t enjoy calling me Kathy.‟ Elliot flicked an eyebrow at him. ‟And you better not.‟

Toby made a note never to do that. ‟So, don‛t say it. Call me anything else: deli-dog, shiksa, the weird guy at the deli, whatever you want.‟

Elliot sat on the edge of the bed, pushed off his shoes, and started on his jeans. ‟Get the light, will ya?‟

Toby had hoped for some kind of answer, but this was Elliot he was dealing with. He turned on the bathroom light, shut the door most of the way, and turned off the overhead light. ‟Okay?‟

‟Good enough.‟ Elliot stretched out on the bed. ‟I don‛t hate him. I‛m just not happy that he hurt you.‟

Toby thought he heard the truth. He shook out the blankets and lay next to him. ‟Is that why I want to bitch slap Kathy?‟

‟Yeah.‟ Elliot moved his hand over and it got caught in Toby‛s hair. ‟I can‛t look him up and kick the shit out of him.‟

‟And I can‛t forget him.‟ Toby edged closer. He wanted that sweet skin on him. ‟I‛m sorry.‟

‟Me too.‟ Elliot curled his hand behind Toby‛s neck and insisted that Toby come even closer. Toby went, but his brain was still thinking. He wanted to feel as if they‛d resolved this tonight. Elliot sighed softly. ‟Kathy is bringing my kids this weekend. It‛s going to be crazy around here.‟

Toby was glad to hear it, even if it did mean more chaos. ‟Will they paint?‟

Elliot laughed. He slid the last two inches, and they were together. Toby found that he was clutching him, trying to remember how to breathe and wishing that Chris had never come between them. Elliot kissed him gently.

‟Don‛t worry. Names aren‛t important. This is.‟

Toby relaxed. ‟So I can call you Kathy?‟

Elliot took a good hold on Toby‛s ass. ‟I carry a gun.‟

‟Good point.‟ Toby squirmed as strong fingers dug into him. ‟Careful with the swastika.‟

‟Get that removed and I‛ll call you Chris with a smile on my face,‟ Elliot growled.

Toby found substantial places to grab. ‟It‛d hurt!‟

Elliot put his forehead on Toby‛s. ‟I‛ll kiss it and make it better.‟

‟I‛ll see what I can do. I‛ll sit on the hot plate or something.‟ Toby knew that Elliot loved him. The rest of it they‛d work out. ‟Do you want to do this tonight?‟

Elliot suddenly laughed, and Toby realized how stupid that had sounded. Elliot‛s deli-dog was pushing at him. Elliot abruptly turned him loose.

‟When are you going to make that move that will send me running?‟

Toby took in the hard muscled body, the slight smirk, and the spread legs that invited him lower. ‟Uh, well, I‛ve been a little tired lately.‟ He licked Elliot‛s nipple and slid his tongue down. ‟Are you in any rush?‟

‟Don‛t want you to think I‛m greedy or something.‟ Elliot didn‛t look worried - not at all. Toby had seen grown men cry at the thought of an ass fucking, but Elliot was stretched out, relaxed.

‟Did you ever tell your wife about your job?‟ Toby caught Elliot‛s cock and licked it. He‛d do this instead of thinking about that.

‟I protected her.‟ Elliot gave a small gasp. He wrapped his hand in Toby‛s hair. ‟But she‛s no idiot.‟

Toby disagreed. She must have been to let this man out of her bed. He did want to make love to Elliot, but it could wait. ‟Soon. Okay?‟

Elliot groaned and thrust up. ‟Whenever you want.‟

Toby was surprised at how those few words touched him. Elliot accepted him just the way he was - fucked up brain and all. ‟Kathy is an idiot,‟ he whispered and surged up to kiss Elliot. Their groins moved together, and Elliot held onto Toby‛s ass. Tongues slipped and Toby didn‛t need more than that and he was coming all over the two of them. Felt so good, and he shut his eyes to wallow in the tingles.

Elliot rolled them over so he was on top. ‟I need another minute.‟

Toby laughed softly. ‟Do it this way.‟ He scooped come off his stomach and smeared it on Elliot‛s cock. Elliot seemed to hesitate and then he worked out the mechanics of it. Toby listened to him breathe hard. Elliot thrust once, and that was it. Toby watched him orgasm.

Elliot kissed him again and then laughed. ‟Haven‛t done that since I was a teenager.‟

‟Ah, we feel young again.‟ Toby held him close. ‟I‛m a damn mess.‟

‟Yeah, you are. The shower works.‟ Elliot didn‛t seem to be in any rush to get off him. Toby didn‛t want to let go either. Time seemed to slow down, and he breathed. A strange sense of well-being crept over him, and he drifted off to sleep.

*********  
Epilogue - six months later  
*********

‟Don‛t even look at me!‟

Elliot tried not to grin. He even rubbed his lips to make it go away. ‟I won‛t look or touch or even walk near you.‟

‟Good.‟ Toby made a huffy sound as he limped out of the doctor‛s office. ‟I think I‛d prefer it if you don‛t talk also.‟

‟I could go back to work.‟ Elliot had taken some time so he could help out if Toby needed it. He was going to open the car door for him, but changed his mind. Toby stared at the seat. Elliot heard him mutter some extreme curse words and then he sat down, but carefully.

‟One pothole and I‛ll run you through the slicer when we get to the deli.‟

Elliot bit the inside of his mouth. It wasn‛t funny, but . . . it was. He drove slower than usual and parked near the deli instead of at the precinct. Toby got out pretty quickly, and Elliot followed him down the sidewalk.

‟I hate you. You know that, right?‟ Toby limped, and the bulge on his backside spoke of bandages. Elliot would have to check them later, but it could wait until Toby was feeling less like hitting someone.

‟I have no doubt about that.‟ Elliot opened the door for him. Davey looked at them immediately. He was worried. It was all over his face. Elliot smiled to make him feel better. ‟Let your son know that you‛re fine.‟

Toby glared. ‟Harry, I‛m fine. I‛ll be upstairs.‟

‟Nice you could schedule it when there wasn‛t school.‟ Elliot stayed behind him all the way up the stairs. Toby went to the bed and collapsed face down. Elliot sat next to him and stroked the hair off his face. ‟What can I get you?‟

Toby dug in his pocket. ‟Go get these filled and don‛t come back until you quit smiling!‟

Elliot kissed him on the forehead. ‟Sorry. I‛ll go see Marek.‟

‟Things I do for fucking love. Geez!‟ Toby put his hand on Elliot‛s thigh. ‟You‛re not going back to work, are you?‟

‟No.‟ Elliot kissed him on the mouth. ‟I took tomorrow also. You rest, okay?‟

‟I am tired.‟ Toby‛s hand trailed off as Elliot got to his feet. ‟It‛s good to be home.‟

Elliot smiled. He went downstairs, gave Harry a thumbs up and went through the archway to the bakery. Daniel was behind the counter, but Holly was in the corner where she‛d made a small informal office area. Toby saw clients there, and there was a computer they used for the business and their homework.

‟Is he okay?‟

‟He‛s mad as hell. So, yes.‟ Elliot didn‛t sit down. ‟Everything good here?‟

‟Peachy.‟ Holly smiled. ‟I have class in an hour. Harry and I are spending the weekend with Angus to give Dad time to heal without us hanging around. We packed while you two were gone.‟

Elliot thought that was a good idea. ‟I‛ll take care of him.‟

‟I never doubted that.‟ Holly got up and gave him a fast hug. ‟You‛re family now.‟

Elliot smiled and escaped out the door to the pharmacy. He stopped and looked back once. It wasn‛t normal by any stretch of the imagination, but it was home, and he was glad to be there.

********

Toby thought resisting would be a very stupid idea, but he wanted to do just that. ‟Uh, no. Please.‟

‟The doctor gave clear instructions.‟ Elliot crossed his arms. ‟You‛re a tough ex-con, for Pete‛s sake!‟

‟Says who?‟ Toby gave up. He slowly inched his jeans down and took them off altogether. Well, that did feel better - not so much pressure on it. ‟I‛m sure it‛s fine.‟

Elliot‛s frown said it all. Toby groaned and pushed off his boxers. He was so glad that his kids were gone for the weekend so he could yell. Slowly, carefully, he lay back down. Elliot sat next to him and Toby watched him stare.

‟Ugh.‟

‟I should hurt you,‟ Toby ground out. He‛d done it for Elliot, and this was the thanks he got? Elliot‛s hand reached and Toby tried to push it away, but failed. The bloody bandage came off, and Toby hoped he didn‛t gnaw his tongue in half. ‟Ouch!‟

‟That should hurt.‟ Elliot left the room and came back with supplies. ‟I said I‛d kiss it, but I‛m going to skip it.‟

Toby pulled his hair so he didn‛t scream at him. Elliot was gentle, cleaning and putting a new bandage on, but by the time he was finished, Toby wanted to kill him. Dead.

‟When‛s your checkup?‟

‟In a week,‟ Toby growled. ‟Which is about the time that I‛ll consider forgiving you.‟

Elliot‛s eyebrows went up. ‟How about a pain pill?‟

Toby groaned and tried to sit, but it wasn‛t possible, so he forced Elliot out of the way and got to his feet. ‟I‛ll just go swallow one of everything that‛s in the medicine cabinet.‟ He wasn‛t joking.

‟I‛ll call poison control,‟ Elliot deadpanned. Smartass.

Toby checked the time, hobbled to the bathroom, and took his antibiotic, a pain pill, and his Effexor. That was plenty. He glanced in the mirror at his ass and sighed. He was glad it was gone, but it did hurt. Elliot leaned against the doorjamb, and Toby flicked some water on him. Elliot smiled, but not much, and Toby went to find his boxers.

‟Pizza?‟

Toby got his boxers on with a small curse. He pulled off his sweatshirt and found one of Elliot‛s T-shirts. That was enough clothes for the weekend. It wasn‛t as if he was going anywhere. ‟I‛m tired of pizza. What else you got?‟

Elliot shrugged. ‟I‛m out of ideas. Sorry it hurts.‟

‟You should be,‟ Toby huffed. He limped three steps and waited. Elliot pulled him close and held him tight. Toby melted into it. ‟You‛re worth it.‟

‟Probably not, but thanks.‟ Elliot kissed him. ‟Try to get comfortable somewhere. I‛ll find us some food.‟

Toby limped with him to the kitchen anyway. Elliot started digging, and Toby looked at his calendar. ‟Only one so far this week. I averaged two a week for the month.‟

‟They‛re getting better.‟ Elliot started putting stuff on the table. There was a crazy assortment of takeout and leftovers that the kids hadn‛t eaten. ‟Have you even scored a five lately?‟

Toby looked at the numbers. ‟Nope.‟ He hated to let down his guard, but his head did seem to be improving. ‟I think it helps that the kids are happy.‟

‟Angus too.‟ Elliot sighed. ‟No pizza.‟

Toby got out a plate and started putting food on it. He didn‛t care what he ate, but he had to eat now that he‛d taken the meds. ‟I like his new girlfriend. She‛s . . . ‟

‟Not going to kill him?‟ Elliot finished for him.

‟Exactly.‟ Toby was glad that Angus was tentatively re-entering the dating scene. Angus wanted a wife and kids of his own, and he deserved the best. Toby stuck the plate in the microwave and waited. ‟Want to know a secret?‟

Elliot immediately looked at him. Toby had debated telling him, but he could be trusted. ‟Davey and Daniel are, um, well-‟ He saw the look in Elliot‛s eyes. ‟Really!‟

‟No shit?‟ Elliot shut the fridge door. He found a plate, and Toby took his out. He stood and ate. There was no way he was sitting on that chair. Elliot laughed. ‟Davey‛s mother will kill him!‟

‟She‛ll never know.‟ Toby smiled. It had been a stunning development. ‟Daniel‛s cute. Davey‛s a lucky guy.‟

Elliot glared now. ‟You checked him out?‟

‟I just noticed is all.‟ Toby had believed that story about them being cousins until the other day in the stockroom. Cousins did not kiss like that, not in New York at least. ‟I‛m relieved more than anything. Daniel has struggled to make a profit, but he won‛t be leaving. Holly would be upset if he did.‟

‟He needs to make more food for the shaygetz.‟ Elliot was heating up his own plate of food. ‟Donuts would be good.‟

Toby thought so too, but he‛d hesitated to mention it. Maybe he‛d talk to Davey. The profits in the deli were through the roof. Everyone loved the fresh bread. ‟Hey, are you supposed to see your kids this weekend?‟

Elliot started eating. He didn‛t sit either, which was nice of him. ‟Next. Did Kathy stop in for her check?‟

‟Yesterday.‟ Toby was glad that she had finally given up on getting Elliot out of here. ‟She‛s not busting your nuts anymore, is she?‟

‟Nah.‟ Elliot‛s fork was making short work of what was on his plate. ‟She likes Holly, and you have to admit, this place has a family atmosphere.‟

Toby thought so too. ‟She isn‛t moving in,‟ he said firmly. He put his plate in the sink. His ass hurt, and he needed to go rest it. ‟Our TV or Harry‛s?‟

‟Ours is fine. No game tonight.‟ Elliot smiled. He was heading back for seconds, but Toby grabbed a soda and went out to try to rest his ass in the living room. There was also a living room on the other side of the arch in his bedroom, and Harry had bought a huge TV with his money from working downstairs. Elliot loved it, and it made Toby laugh. It had taken them time to settle in, but the place was home now, and he appreciated Holly‛s foresight in putting in a laundry room. Holly was doing well at school, and Toby was proud as hell of her. Harry was attending a private school here in Manhattan, and he liked it. He would succeed at whatever he put his hand to, that was certain.

Toby sat down, winced, and lay on his side on the couch. That was better. He relaxed and listened to Elliot bang around in the kitchen. Elliot still had issues with the occasional look he got from co-workers or his wife, but he hadn‛t moved out. They usually slept in his room, but when Elliot didn‛t come home, Toby went to his own bed.

‟You said you took the weekend?‟ Toby raised his voice. He had a hard time believing he‛d heard right.

‟I‛ll probably go in Sunday to check my messages.‟ Elliot came out and looked him over. ‟Hurts?‟

‟Pain pill is kicking in.‟ Toby smiled when Elliot took one end of the sofa. Elliot was a great pillow, but Toby wouldn‛t mention it. ‟A night without kids. Weird.‟

Elliot had the remote and was making it click. ‟Dickie and Harry are best friends. Why does that worry me?‟

‟I caught them on the fire escape the other day. I didn‛t even want to know what they were doing.‟ Toby laughed softly. "And it‛s Richard."

‟Remind me not to take my eyes off them.‟ Elliot laughed with him. ‟They were playing stickball in the alley a couple of weeks ago.‟

‟How much was the window?‟ Toby grabbed a small pillow and got more comfortable on Elliot. Since the kids weren‛t here, he could pile on him. Usually, they sat on opposite sides of the room, or in opposite living rooms. Elliot couldn‛t live any other way, and Toby understood.

‟Fifty bucks!‟ Elliot sighed. ‟My fault.‟

Toby thought about it. ‟You were batting, weren‛t you?‟

Elliot cleared his throat. ‟Uh, well, maybe.‟

‟Next time play football with the lettuce. That will get you into less trouble.‟ Toby idly rubbed Elliot‛s leg. Touching him was always a pleasure, clothes or no clothes.

Elliot grinned. His hand came down to rest on Toby‛s bare neck. ‟How many inches did the barber cut off?‟

‟Ten.‟ Toby got up enough to drink some soda and relaxed back down. This was how he‛d like to spend every evening. He hadn‛t wanted to get his hair cut, but guilt had forced him to it. ‟Locks of Love wants me back in another year.‟

‟Looks good.‟ Elliot‛s fingers teased the skin. ‟Are you really mad about your ass?‟

Toby groaned and looked up at him. ‟No, you idiot, but it hurts!‟

‟Sorry about that. Did the doctor say how it‛s gonna look?‟ Elliot was still stroking him.

‟Like he scraped something off my ass.‟ Toby went back to staring at the news. ‟You still don‛t have to call me Chris. Everyone thinks Toby is my middle name, and you‛re weird.‟

Elliot made a soft sound. ‟Can‛t argue the last part. I think we‛ve covered all the gossip. Now go to sleep, I want to watch the news.‟

‟Grouch.‟ Toby laughed softly and shut up, but he noticed that Elliot‛s hand continued to stroke him. It was possible that Elliot was enjoying the fact that they had a little time together. Every now and again, Toby stopped to have a moment of amazement that he wasn‛t still living in a cardboard box. ‟Before I go to sleep, did I ever thank you?‟

Elliot tugged at the short hair. ‟What are you talking about?‟ he asked gruffly.

‟Thanks for pulling me out from behind that dumpster and giving me a life.‟ Toby closed his eyes and got that much more comfortable.

‟You did the hard work.‟ Elliot would never take credit. It wasn‛t his way. He gave a soft grunt and adjusted his hips. ‟One of these days we are going to have a long talk about the rent.‟

‟Another one?‟ Toby made sure not to laugh. ‟I‛m a lawyer. Give up.‟

Elliot grunted, but didn‛t reply. Toby smiled. Elliot had paid the rent twice, and Toby had mailed it to Kathy both times. Toby‛s only regret was that he‛d missed seeing the look on Elliot‛s face when Kathy had kissed and thanked him for the extra money. Munch had said it had been hilarious.

‟You did pay the electric last month. I have to get to the mail quicker.‟ Toby smiled as Elliot‛s hand drifted down over his mouth. He got the message clearly now. The TV blabbed about this and that, and Toby dozed.

‟Love you, Toby.‟

Toby knew that, but pretending to be asleep was the best way to hear it again some day. Faces began to pop up in front of him: Genevieve, his mother, Harrison, Chris, and Gary. They were all smiling, and he hoped they all knew how much he still loved them. He‛d never forget. He slept, and when he woke up, he was in bed with Elliot around him. Home.

*********  
End


End file.
